sorry, stupid really.

I'm paranoid. I can't socialise with other people. I'm a ******* up at life. I hate my own company, I'm sick of it, I was a fat ugly child and didn't have any friends at school, got bullied a lot. Then I became a teenager, got a bit prettier and lost the weight and acted like a boar for 4 years thinking that someone would love me if I tried it enough. But it didn't, so I left, started anew, started a new college. But I'm still here. I still don't have friends, and the only person I love and who says they love me firstly can't bring themself to be in a relationship with me and secondly have their own problems and would get by with them so much better if I weren't around to bog them down. Even if I get my grades that I can't motivate myself to get and get to uni there's no future for me. I can't change the person I am, and I hate that person. I hate that girl. It feels like if I spend another hour with her I'll go insane

I'm so depressed, I can't do this anymore. I'm a nutcase, hacking at myself and making myself bleed just to make the cloud lift for half a second, drinking whenever I can in the hope it'll make things easier (it doesnt), trying to work out what a 'normal' teenager is and trying to act accordingly. I don't know what I'm meant to be like, I don't have a clue who to be, and to people who say 'be yourself'... I don't know who myself IS, and the idea of it terrifies the hell out of me. I do strange strange things that anyone who didn't know me would just judge me as 'nutcase'.. .even people who are meant to be my friends look down at me and judge me and i feel like standing on the table and screaming 'you don't know me! this isn't me! this is just what im trying to be!' but instead i just sit on the edge of the group feeling sorry for myself and wasting everybodyes time and oxygen, they'd not notice if i were gone, they'd just get by as they did beforeI turned up

I dont know why i'm posting, i can't be like this anymore. something has snapped. i spent the past 20 minutes having some kind of panic attack, crying and screaming and hyperventilating and it's not fair. i told my mother to go mind her own and now she's upset, lying in bed with my bastard scum father worrying about me and she shouldn't.

i know full well i'm so paranoid that even if i get replies to this thread it'll be like 'oh they don't care' which is ridiculous and i appologise in advance for even thinking like that, i don't know what's going on in my brain anymore

sorry.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

*
that was f-up at life and 'whore' not boar. god i cant even spell.

Reply 2

white_haired_wizard

16

vent your fury and frustrations with life on a punchbag. Or take a long soak in a warm, soapy bath. Just stop thinking so many thoughts, free yourself of all the crap that's seemingly going on. Or maybe, just maybe, things aren't half as bad as you believe them to be, in which case, try to get a more clear mind - something may well be clouding your own self-judgement. Arguably we are our own worst judges...

Reply 3

wackysparkle

14

have you tried calling the samaritans? where professional advice can be offered - you can vent out your problems to them and they can act appropriately and help you out

Reply 4

lazyswot

I think you seriously need to talk to someone, a counsellor or someone trained who can help you, because nothing anyone can say on an internet forum will help much, let's be honest. Go to your GP and ask them to refer you to someone who can help. I'd like to say something that would make you feel better so much but I know I wouldn't be able to. You may just be having a bad day or it may be hormones or you may be clinically depressed. Just talking to someone who isn't judgemental and understands may help. But do something. Good luck :smile:

Reply 5

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

14

..

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

No, I didn't see comic relief. And I know people have much worse problems. thats why I don't get why I'm feeling like this, I can't think straight, I ... I don't know. You're right, and it is stupid. I just don't know what to do with myself

and I'm scared. :s-smilie:

And going to my GP starts a scary process i don't know that i can take.....

this is really stupid. sorry. 'kelv's right.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

My serious recommendation is to go get drunk. That's GET drunk NOT 'become a drunk'. Big diff. Go find a club and get laid or summin. It'll at least make you feel better.

Reply 8

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

14

I guess your best bet is to see a professional. But before that, talk with your parents, what are their thoughts on this. Do they know about your current situation?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

I used to be like this, they think I'm better

the last time this happened was the most difficult time for them & me and they never really understood it, I'm not going to tell them this time. it made it 100 times harder, and anyway, im 18 now.

Reply 10

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

14

Just talk to them once more. They should always be there for you

Reply 11

lazyswot

You can go to the doctor without telling them, and tell your parents when you feel you can. But I would tell them eventually, so they can support you through it.
Don't think of going to the GP as starting a scary process you don't know you can take. Think of it as taking the first step to sorting your life out and the start of a process that will finally help you and allow you to have an enjoyable and happy life. It's the best thing you could do.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

all i can say is that it'll go away. stop thinking for a moment, go for a run, sleep or bath or whatever thatd make you feel better. it cant be THAT bad. stop worrying. you are just going through a difficult phase. Breathe. (not much of an advice eh?)

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Oh god, I don't know. I'm torn between making a GP appt and not. See, I feel okay-ish now. Not fab, but it's been about an hour and a half and the crazy is beginning to subside, so now I'm thinking 'I can EASILY cope with this' when I know that a few hours ago I wasn't thinking like that...

I really must be crazy :s-smilie:

.

Reply 14

fleur de lis

15

Please make an appointment with the doctor, and I can assure you, you are not crazy. It sounds to me like you need some help, because you don't seem able to cope all the time. Please don't struggle on your own :smile:

Reply 15

James

14

You need to speak to a professional, and as others have suggested Samaritans is a great place to start. There's nothing to be afraid of as it's entirely confidential. It's often difficult to speak to friends and family, but the fact is that it's always better to share your problems with others. If people know how you feel, and what you're going through, they're more likely to be sympathetic and lend a hand. :smile:

Reply 16

fleur de lis

15

James Gurung

You need to speak to a professional, and as others have suggested Samaritans is a great place to start. There's nothing to be afraid of as it's entirely confidential. It's often difficult to speak to friends and family, but the fact is that it's always better to share your problems with others. If people know how you feel, and what you're going through, they're more likely to be sympathetic and lend a hand. :smile:

Yep, I would definitely agree with this advice as well, particularly if you're going through one of these patches where you feel like you can't cope.

Reply 17

Liar

12

Get professional help from a councellor. It may seem like a scary thing to do but it sounds like you have no choice. You've clearly had a difficult life so its no wonder you're so deprssed. At least go and see your GP and see what help is available. You'll probably look back on this this time next year and wonder why you left it so long to get help. Get help now rather than wasting the next 5 or more years of your life. You only get one afterall.

Jonesy_LJ

Whilst I'm not a big fan of existentialism, I'll give you a quote from Sartre that may be relative helpful. "To do is to be." What he meant by that was that we are defined as people by the choices we make. How does that apply to your situation?

It tells you who you are, you are the sum of the choices you have made throughout your life, which may seem rather depressing at this point.

However, there is good news. You can change the person you are. Make the choices that the person you want to be would make, and you will become that person.

I think this is great advice btw. Acting like a different person, the person you want to be, reprogrammes your brain to make you become that person and act that way naturally.

Reply 18

Ronove

18

Also, ignore Kelv's idiotic point about people in Africa. I've countered this one before. People are worse off economically than you, so what? Doesn't mean you don't have problems or that you should 'snap out of it'. Like others have said, go see your GP. :smile:

Reply 19

Anonymous #4

How about going travelling, outside the UK, maybe to India, or the far east, or North Africa?

Travelling can really change a person's perspective on life, once you experience different cultures and people, you start to see things differently.

Maybe take some time out and go abroad?

Society over here is over-bearing with such pressures to look good, be popular etc etc, and can reduce a person's sense of self-worth because they don't match up to the fantasies they are constantly fed from TV and magazines etc. It's all bull, and eventually, you'll realise it and won't care what others think.

sorry, stupid really.

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