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talking to parents about bf/sleeping over his
iv been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, and we want to spend the night together, his mum is absolutly fine with me staying round there, but i know that my mum and dad would not want me to stay over there. i have never been round his house before bcoz never had the chance really, so that doesnt help. basically im wondering how to approach my parents about staying over his?? they are obviosly going to think, no way coz of the whole sex issue, eventhough we hav sed that we wont have sex the first night together, we will just sleep in each others arms. . i just need to know the best way of going about suggesting it to mum n dad ??
would it help if i was to go round his just during the day, and also would it help if i introduced him to them beforehand??
by the way im a 17, hes 19..both living at home. he says he can wait for however long i need and it doesnt matter, and wait till the time is right.
please help
would it help if i was to go round his just during the day, and also would it help if i introduced him to them beforehand??
by the way im a 17, hes 19..both living at home. he says he can wait for however long i need and it doesnt matter, and wait till the time is right.
please help
Yep, I would say don't go in at the deep end - spend time at his house during the day so your parents are used to you going there, and definitely introduce him to your parents and let them get to know him. Have him round yours more. I don't really get parents' attitudes regarding "preventing" their children having sex - I mean, if kids want to do it, then they will! Not to mention that it's perfectly legal. Though I suppose your parents might feel it would be too much temptation. It's a shame they don't trust you enough, but I suppose it's because they care about you.
Maybe you could try to orchestrate a meeting between his mum and your rents as well? If they feel a responsible guardian is going to be "keeping an eye on you", they may be more willing. But I suppose that might be taking it too far.
Maybe you could try to orchestrate a meeting between his mum and your rents as well? If they feel a responsible guardian is going to be "keeping an eye on you", they may be more willing. But I suppose that might be taking it too far.
I first stayed at my boyfriend's house after we'd been together for six months or maybe a bit longer (I was 17, he was nearly 19)... Do they know you're going out with him? Find a good reason to stay over, maybe; mine was after we'd been to a party and couldn't get lifts home so had to get taxis, not only was it cheaper to share one back to his but it meant I didn't have to get a taxi alone so that probably persuaded my parents. Also I was often staying round his house until gone midnight so it wasn't like a few more hours would make much difference really!
I know some people's parents who have asked about the sleeping situation (ie. same bed/different beds etc) but mine didn't. To be honest, I'm pretty sure parents know what their kids are getting up to in relationships and it has to get to a point where they accept you're old enough to make your own decisions. My mum was fine with everything, I just got the caring motherly reminders to be safe etc etc. Just show them that you're mature and sensible enough and they might surprise you by being fine with it (I was convinced mine would say no but they didn't!). You won't know until you've asked them so just try talking about it with whichever parent you're closest to.
Although saying that, they probably would be more likely to agree to it if they've met your boyfriend so that they know they can trust him with you...my boyfriend and I were regularly round each others houses for the six months prior to me staying over so maybe that made it easier.
I know some people's parents who have asked about the sleeping situation (ie. same bed/different beds etc) but mine didn't. To be honest, I'm pretty sure parents know what their kids are getting up to in relationships and it has to get to a point where they accept you're old enough to make your own decisions. My mum was fine with everything, I just got the caring motherly reminders to be safe etc etc. Just show them that you're mature and sensible enough and they might surprise you by being fine with it (I was convinced mine would say no but they didn't!). You won't know until you've asked them so just try talking about it with whichever parent you're closest to.
Although saying that, they probably would be more likely to agree to it if they've met your boyfriend so that they know they can trust him with you...my boyfriend and I were regularly round each others houses for the six months prior to me staying over so maybe that made it easier.
lol the first time I slept my boyfriends I just told my parents I was staying "my friends". But if you're not the lying sort then introduce him to them go round his house more often and generally get them used to the idea that you have a boyfriend. Then, well you'll just have to ask them and see how they react! They should be alright with it, you are 17 after all.
I know how you feel though, my mum and dad didn't forbid me from sleeping at my boyfriends but they weren't exactly happy about it either. They were just kinda awkward about it!
I know how you feel though, my mum and dad didn't forbid me from sleeping at my boyfriends but they weren't exactly happy about it either. They were just kinda awkward about it!
Went out with one guy for a year and a half and he was NEVER allowed to stay over/I was never allowed to stay over his (I think I was aged 15-17) because my parents didn't like him. I finished with him just after I turned 17 and started going out with my current boyfriend and we were allowed to stay over at each others house more or less immediately as my parents liked him a lot more!
Unfair? Possibly, but my parents sure did have better taste than I did in those days.
Unfair? Possibly, but my parents sure did have better taste than I did in those days.
The fact that you've been together for 5 months and your parents have never met him would seem to spark suspicion for your 'rents. It does help, as people have suggested, if they see you with your boyfriend - eg hanging out round your house - or if they become accustomed to you spending time with him during the day at his.
Tbh I never understood that, it's not exactly hard to have sex during the day but hey...
Anyways, they don't know who he is so I guess that's understandable. At the moment it's just their daughter and a stranger. It depends on whether your parents trust you too; if you tend to argue with them a lot, or you've lied to them frequently in the past, then there's a more volatile relationship. Whereas if you just generally get on, or if they trust you with most other things, then you can build on that.
Personally I've never had this problem but I come from quite a liberal household. I was allowed to sleep at my boyfriend's house from 14yrs old [...when I got my first boyfriend, lol] but I think my mum realised that if I really wanted to have sex I'd find a way, so she'd rather it happen indoors somewhere. Funny thing is I then decided to wait till marriage...
Tbh I never understood that, it's not exactly hard to have sex during the day but hey...
Anyways, they don't know who he is so I guess that's understandable. At the moment it's just their daughter and a stranger. It depends on whether your parents trust you too; if you tend to argue with them a lot, or you've lied to them frequently in the past, then there's a more volatile relationship. Whereas if you just generally get on, or if they trust you with most other things, then you can build on that.
Personally I've never had this problem but I come from quite a liberal household. I was allowed to sleep at my boyfriend's house from 14yrs old [...when I got my first boyfriend, lol] but I think my mum realised that if I really wanted to have sex I'd find a way, so she'd rather it happen indoors somewhere. Funny thing is I then decided to wait till marriage...
Impossible princess
lol the first time I slept my boyfriends I just told my parents I was staying "my friends". But if you're not the lying sort then introduce him to them go round his house more often and generally get them used to the idea that you have a boyfriend. Then, well you'll just have to ask them and see how they react! They should be alright with it, you are 17 after all.
I know how you feel though, my mum and dad didn't forbid me from sleeping at my boyfriends but they weren't exactly happy about it either. They were just kinda awkward about it!
I know how you feel though, my mum and dad didn't forbid me from sleeping at my boyfriends but they weren't exactly happy about it either. They were just kinda awkward about it!
^ Same.
First time I stayed at my boyfriends house I had my mum drop me off at my friends house which is where I was supposidly staying. 5 minutes later I left her house and promptly made my way to my boyfriends
I used to stay round my first boyfriends till the last bus anyway, which was stupidly early because we lived in the sticks. So I used to just ask if I could stay until they got fed up with me asking...
I mean if you go round there in the day its just as likely you will have sex, it's not like it has to be dark
Just start going over alot so they know its serious.
I mean if you go round there in the day its just as likely you will have sex, it's not like it has to be dark
Just start going over alot so they know its serious.
You could try just asking your parents. You might be surprised.
My parents have always been "Boys! No! You'll have sex and get pregnant!" to the extent that when I was 15 and asked to go to London with my then bf, I wasn't allowed as I might go off, get a hotel room, and get pregnant.
But then recently I asked to stay over at my boyfriend's house, and after enduring the normal "You'll have sex!" reaction, surprisingly, they then said yes.
So there's hope.
My parents have always been "Boys! No! You'll have sex and get pregnant!" to the extent that when I was 15 and asked to go to London with my then bf, I wasn't allowed as I might go off, get a hotel room, and get pregnant.
But then recently I asked to stay over at my boyfriend's house, and after enduring the normal "You'll have sex!" reaction, surprisingly, they then said yes.
So there's hope.
With my parents we did the whole, we want to go off somewhere together and - by the way share a room. My parents didn't take it so well, but they were never going to. So we had a few weeks of talks talks talks some quite cringy and embarassing and we discussed all there was to be discussed. My mum even called his mum about it! Aaaargh! But all worked out in the end, and I'd never want to keep it from my parents. We've been sleeping together 8/9 months now and still don't share a room at my house, but looks like that might change in the not so far future.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it might be a bit crap talking to them about it but if you're sure you want to stay over with him then it'll be worth it. And it can't be as bad as what I went through! Best of luck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it might be a bit crap talking to them about it but if you're sure you want to stay over with him then it'll be worth it. And it can't be as bad as what I went through! Best of luck.
I just said to my parents "Oh can I stay at "BF's" on such and such a night.
They said yes. I was 18, he was 20 and we'd been together for 2 months. He doesn't live with his parents just lodges with the landlord ina dodgy area of Essex! LOL They did allow me but on the condition that they had his full address, had his mobile number incase they couldn't get hold of me etc.
They did know boyfriend and had decided they liked him, but my parents have always let me make my own mistakes and just been there for me afterwards.
They also asked if we planned on having sex...I decided the best answer to give was "yes" as it soon shut them up!!!
They said yes. I was 18, he was 20 and we'd been together for 2 months. He doesn't live with his parents just lodges with the landlord ina dodgy area of Essex! LOL They did allow me but on the condition that they had his full address, had his mobile number incase they couldn't get hold of me etc.
They did know boyfriend and had decided they liked him, but my parents have always let me make my own mistakes and just been there for me afterwards.
They also asked if we planned on having sex...I decided the best answer to give was "yes" as it soon shut them up!!!
As I was best friends with my boyfriend before we started going out I just didn't mention it to my parents that we were actually now bf and gf and was allowed to stay at his and him at mine like we had been doing for the past 2 years or so. However, after about 5 months they realised and although they thought it had only just started they were like HA, NO! to sleepovers from that point on. We've been together for over 2 years now and my dad has only recently progressed to "Do what you want." when I ask if I can stay at his house. I haven't even bothered to ask if he can sleep round ours.
It's a sticky sitch and you should just be as honest as possible.. try bringing him round more so they are really used to him and they might actually like him and be more ok with you staying round there. Saying that my parents had known my boyfriend for 2 years before we started going out as they're friends with his parents and that didn't really help. I say my parents but I really mean my dad Maybe having a word with your mum and trying to get her to put in a good word might help if things are similar for you with regards to an overprotective father
It's a sticky sitch and you should just be as honest as possible.. try bringing him round more so they are really used to him and they might actually like him and be more ok with you staying round there. Saying that my parents had known my boyfriend for 2 years before we started going out as they're friends with his parents and that didn't really help. I say my parents but I really mean my dad
Maybe having a word with your mum and trying to get her to put in a good word might help if things are similar for you with regards to an overprotective father It does seem weird that your parents still haven't met your boyfriend, after this long. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months, and my parents had already met him a while before we started going out, because he was a friend of mine. But even if not, they'd have met him within the next few weeks, because we're always round at my house.
I never really had a big deal about the sleeping over at his situation. At my house he sleeps on the settee, and I sleep upstairs in my room. At his house, we both sleep on a double airbed, because he normally shares with his brother. When my parents first asked where I slept at his, I just said they got an airbed out for me, so they didn't know we were sharing a bed.
But since then, we've both started at university, and my parents know we stay over in each other's hall of residence, so are clearly sharing a bed. They don't seem to have any real objection to this.
I never really had a big deal about the sleeping over at his situation. At my house he sleeps on the settee, and I sleep upstairs in my room. At his house, we both sleep on a double airbed, because he normally shares with his brother. When my parents first asked where I slept at his, I just said they got an airbed out for me, so they didn't know we were sharing a bed.
But since then, we've both started at university, and my parents know we stay over in each other's hall of residence, so are clearly sharing a bed. They don't seem to have any real objection to this.
We're engaged and I'm still not allowed!
It's so cringey. I especially don't get the whole idea of parents trying to stop their children sleeping in the same bed as their boy/girlfriend: if two people want to have sex, they don't have to wait until the night to do it!
It winds me up big time!
It's so cringey. I especially don't get the whole idea of parents trying to stop their children sleeping in the same bed as their boy/girlfriend: if two people want to have sex, they don't have to wait until the night to do it!
It winds me up big time!
Little Girl Red
We're engaged and I'm still not allowed!
It's so cringey. I especially don't get the whole idea of parents trying to stop their children sleeping in the same bed as their boy/girlfriend: if two people want to have sex, they don't have to wait until the night to do it!
It winds me up big time!
It's so cringey. I especially don't get the whole idea of parents trying to stop their children sleeping in the same bed as their boy/girlfriend: if two people want to have sex, they don't have to wait until the night to do it!
It winds me up big time!
That is weird...how old are you?
my current boyfriend styed at mine 2 weeks after we got 2gether...my mum was away but she found out and didnt mind as she thoguht he slept on the sofa, 2 and half years later we stay at each others houses regular , both sets of parents are fine with it...and i only met my boyfriends parents 7 months after the relationship started...
thanks for the good advice, i think i will introduce him to my parents and get them used to him being here and me being there. the thing is im really really scared of introducing him to them but i dont know why! hes is a lovely amazing kind and caring guy and i am certain that they will like him, im just worried coz im not sure they are happy about me being in a relashionship bcoz they still think of me as their little girl, and im worried they will stop me from seeing my bf bcoz eventhough theres only a 2 year age gap, it looks alot more (i look young for my age and he looks mature). ooohh i just dont know how to go about introducing him?? its going to be so awkard and embarressing, im scared
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