Somebody better than nobody?

Ok here goes...

For a few months now i've sort of had a **** buddy, ive continued to go out and pull guys in clubs, but thats as far as it has gone.
My lil buddy is basically very much a lads lad if you understand, he has never had a serious gf and is constantly with his friends etc.
He doesnt believe he is ready for a relationship and to be honest im not sure if i think he is neither.
We have quite meaningful conversations and i genuinely believe we are a lil more than your average **** buddy.Certain things he says makes me think he does like me a lot.
I am quite happy with our arrangement as i dont feel used at all, he has even said to me he thinks i dont like him and i am just using him ( not the case).
However, recently i met someone i know in a club, kissed him that night then not long after left to meet my buddy, without him knowing. I felt so guilty as the guy was then texting me when i was with my buddy. He seems a nice guy and he wants to take me out, but i dont know whether that would be wrong?
My buddy seems to get jealous and looks slightly upset when i mention other lads.
I thought the other day i would call it a day, but then i feel having him is better than nobody as it still keeps me happy etc.And i like him a lot.
Shall i meet up this other guy or just continue to meet my buddy?
Shall i tell my buddy etc?
Do you feel that having someone is better than having nobody? I feel in a way i do and that if i meet new guy and things dont turn out well, then i wont have neither of them.
Any advice appreciated
Thanx all :-)
XX

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I think that you are better than this, and he's not worthy of your attention. You're prolly a really nice girl. You deserve better IMO anyway :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Omg I would never go out with a guy like that, what a jerk sorry.

Reply 3

Angelil

19

You sound insecure and like you don't want to be on your own.
To think of another situation, would it be better to stay in an abusive relationship because 'somebody's better than nobody'? Of course not.
It would definitely not be a good idea to start a relationship with this other guy and maintain the ****-buddy thing.

This is why I think that ****-buddy relationships are a bad idea - for one party it inevitably starts to become more (you say "We have quite meaningful conversations and i genuinely believe we are a lil more than your average **** buddy.Certain things he says makes me think he does like me a lot.").

I would test the waters with this guy you like and see how it goes. If it starts to develop into a meaningful relationship, it would be advisable to end the ****-buddy thing. However, even if it doesn't work out with the guy you like, I would perhaps advise you to end the ****-buddy thing anyway, for the sake of your own self-esteem, so that you can learn to be happy without a bloke (****-buddy or otherwise!).

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

If you like the other guy then go out with him. It shouldn't have anything to do with your **** buddy since you're not in a relationship. It seems that you're starting to have feelings for the **** buddy, and that's not a good thing as it can make things complicated. Find out what you want. You said that you don't think he's ready for a relationship, so why feel guilty over it? The only thing I would be concerned about is how the guy you met in the club would feel if he knew that you had a **** buddy.
The mentality that "someone is better than no one" suggests that you only want to be with him to help you feel less insecure about yourself, and using him as a safety net so that if your relationships don't work out, you still have someone to boost your self esteem. I don't think that's a very good idea, and the fact that he is developing feelings for you too ("My buddy seems to get jealous and looks slightly upset when i mention other lads" ) will make you want to stay with him even more.
My advice is to stop being **** buddies with the guy because it is doing nothing for your self confidence in the long run, and in my opinion having a **** buddy is for people who have the emotional strength to deal with having no feelings attached to it. It seems as if both of you aren't really strong enough for being **** buddies as you're both developing feelings for each other. Once you have a meaningful relationship (if that is what you want; it appears you do) then consider the idea. Otherwise you are going to keep going back to this guy to make you feel better about yourself.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Angelil

You sound insecure and like you don't want to be on your own.
To think of another situation, would it be better to stay in an abusive relationship because 'somebody's better than nobody'? Of course not.
It would definitely not be a good idea to start a relationship with this other guy and maintain the ****-buddy thing.

This is why I think that ****-buddy relationships are a bad idea - for one party it inevitably starts to become more (you say "We have quite meaningful conversations and i genuinely believe we are a lil more than your average **** buddy.Certain things he says makes me think he does like me a lot.").

I would test the waters with this guy you like and see how it goes. If it starts to develop into a meaningful relationship, it would be advisable to end the ****-buddy thing. However, even if it doesn't work out with the guy you like, I would perhaps advise you to end the ****-buddy thing anyway, for the sake of your own self-esteem, so that you can learn to be happy without a bloke (****-buddy or otherwise!).

Totally agree with this post :smile:

Reply 6

Death_Chronic

triple posting anonymous? am i missing something here?

Reply 7

Anonymous #4

He sounds like a proper player, but at his age (I assume he's under-25?) there's not much wrong with that.

Somebody better than nobody?

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