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To let someone down but not be the bad guy...
I have a friend at uni, he is on my course and we spend alot of time together...he likes me, alot, I know because he always talks about me to everyone and has told me several times.
He wasn't happy when I was with my ex, but I have told him I don't have feelings for him.
This weekend I got very drunk and he stayed at mine and we kissed apparently...and now he seems to think some sort of relationship will come of it.
I don't want that, he is a really nice guy and could do so much better than me, and I am leaving to go to a different part of the country in four months time. He knows this but doesn't seem to get it...
I need him to understand but I don't want to loose his friendship, or make things weird between us as we have alot of group work to do in the next 4-5 weeks.
Anyway I can resolve this without being the bad guy?
He wasn't happy when I was with my ex, but I have told him I don't have feelings for him.
This weekend I got very drunk and he stayed at mine and we kissed apparently...and now he seems to think some sort of relationship will come of it.
I don't want that, he is a really nice guy and could do so much better than me, and I am leaving to go to a different part of the country in four months time. He knows this but doesn't seem to get it...
I need him to understand but I don't want to loose his friendship, or make things weird between us as we have alot of group work to do in the next 4-5 weeks.
Anyway I can resolve this without being the bad guy?
Well there's no easy way really, but honesty is best.
You're just going to have to be honest with him, tell him you don't have feelings for him in that way, but you would really like to remain friends. It might end up hurting him, but it's better than stringing him along in the end. Hopefully he'll value your friendship enough so that you can still be friends. It might be weird at first, but I mean, it would be wouldn't it?
Bubblebee
I have a friend at uni, he is on my course and we spend alot of time together...he likes me, alot, I know because he always talks about me to everyone and has told me several times.
He wasn't happy when I was with my ex, but I have told him I don't have feelings for him.
This weekend I got very drunk and he stayed at mine and we kissed apparently...and now he seems to think some sort of relationship will come of it.
I don't want that, he is a really nice guy and could do so much better than me, and I am leaving to go to a different part of the country in four months time. He knows this but doesn't seem to get it...
I need him to understand but I don't want to loose his friendship, or make things weird between us as we have alot of group work to do in the next 4-5 weeks.
Anyway I can resolve this without being the bad guy?
He wasn't happy when I was with my ex, but I have told him I don't have feelings for him.
This weekend I got very drunk and he stayed at mine and we kissed apparently...and now he seems to think some sort of relationship will come of it.
I don't want that, he is a really nice guy and could do so much better than me, and I am leaving to go to a different part of the country in four months time. He knows this but doesn't seem to get it...
I need him to understand but I don't want to loose his friendship, or make things weird between us as we have alot of group work to do in the next 4-5 weeks.
Anyway I can resolve this without being the bad guy?
for a start by not dressing it up in the way you are there, he could do so much better than you etc.
Lets be honest this isn't self esteem issues on your part thinking you aren't good enough to deserve him, because you are outstandingly attractive and I bet you are a league or two above this guy, although you would not be mean enough to admit to thinking that out loud. The excuse about leaving to go to a different part of the country is more garbage as well, unless you genuinely madly fancy him but think there's no point because you are leaving in a few months? If you use that line as an excuse bear in mind you won't be able to pursue any guys till you go abroad, else it will prove that you lied.
If the reality is really that you just don't fancy him, then that is what you need to say, deliver it with tact and confidence and make sure he is let down politely but left in no doubt of the situation. If you leave any doors open to him along the lines of "well its just because of the circumstances" then he will think that you do fancy him and there's a chance if he can persuade you to look beyond the circumstances. Tell him something like you appreciate him being honest with his feelings to you and you respect and understand the fact that he likes you, but you aren't interested in him in terms of anything more than friendship and it wouldn't be fair on him to suggest otherwise.
Well to be honest, he is cute and nice and if I wanted to be with him it would be easy as we are close/were close anyway. He does deserve better than me though, I am a scumbag in relationships and if we did try to persue a LDR I know 110% it wouldn't work and I would be the cause of it.
As far as he is concerned though the only indicator of anything more is a very drunken snog.
What am I supposed to say....'You know I only kissed you cause I was battered and I really don't want anything more than that'?
As far as he is concerned though the only indicator of anything more is a very drunken snog.
What am I supposed to say....'You know I only kissed you cause I was battered and I really don't want anything more than that'?
I think the best thing is that you are just honest with him as everyone else has already said. If you really are such good friends then he should be ok with that. The thing here that you have to be sure about is: do you really not have any feelings for him? Because if you do, I would admitt that to him, but be firm about not wanting a relationship. If you don't and don't want a relationship then say that. Just make sure you try and get it as right as you can (it can be very hard), because in the end guys some times do have instincts. So you should also make sure you are not doing anything that you may just consider friendly, that he could totally misinterpret. You don't want to lead him on without knowing it. All that touchy-feely stuff - try and cut it out. What keeps a person going is normally hope. Well - I at least find it easy enough to get over a person once all hope is taken away from me. But if there's still this little bit of hope...
So yeah - just take away all his hope, that's your best chance. Think what might be giving him hope.
Seeing as you have talked about this in the past I don't think you should try and go about it in any other way than talking to him now. It's one thing if a guy is coming onto you and you have to let him down... but he's your friend and the worst thing that you could do to him is to keep feeding his hope (even if you've not done much... but as you said, there was that kiss). Make sure he understands that it meant nothing.
So yeah - just take away all his hope, that's your best chance. Think what might be giving him hope.
Seeing as you have talked about this in the past I don't think you should try and go about it in any other way than talking to him now. It's one thing if a guy is coming onto you and you have to let him down... but he's your friend and the worst thing that you could do to him is to keep feeding his hope (even if you've not done much... but as you said, there was that kiss). Make sure he understands that it meant nothing.
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