Nan obsessed with cousin

I'm getting really sick and tired of my grandmother. I'm in my first year of uni studying English lit and creative writing. I have wanted to be a professional writer since I was really little and I'm really enjoying my course. My grandmother is just being really unsupportive of me and anything I want to do, and she's absolutely obsessed with my younger cousin.

My cousin (who is 14) has always been very extroverted and attention-loving since he was very young. Hes been in a few local plays and has auditioned for musicals but has never been chosen. Hes going to the Sylvia Young theatre school soon to train to be an actor. I'm really happy for him but its just getting on my nerves the way my grandmother seems besotted with him and acts like anything he achieves is brilliant, and everything I achieve is worth nothing.

I went to visit her last weekend and she started talking about him, saying stuff like "oh hes so wonderful, I bet hes going to be a huge film star and we'll see him on tv...etc" Then she asked me what I want to do after uni and I told her I still want to be a writer (Ive told her loads of times but she never cares enough to remember). She just said "oh." in a really bored way and started watching the tv! I feel so unappreciated. My dreams are more realistic than my cousins yet she seems to think its stupid.

She never wanted me to go to uni in the first place, saying its a waste of time and I could be doing something productive with my life. In the past I've also told her I'd like to get my work published but shes just laughed at me and said "you'll never get published". Its like she'll support my cousin chasing fame all the time but she doesnt care about anything I want to do.

Its got to the point where I dont want to go and visit her anymore coz she just leaves me feeling depressed. All the photos she has up in her house are of my cousin and all she ever talks about is him. She makes me feel useless. Any advice :frown:

Reply 1

Vampyrcorn

14

Ah just let it all wash over you, she doesn't know what she's talking about. I really don't understand people like your nan at all but I suppose you just have to ignor it and not let it bother you.

I feel quite bad for your cousin too to be honest. He's really going to feel the pressure when he's older and every time he disappoints her it will really annoying for him. And if he messes up in the future it'll be really hard for him to take.

Hopefully having a nan that doesn't appreciate you can help your writing. I think it's fate. An easy life does nothing to inspire writers. :biggrin:

Reply 2

bunthulhu

14

Sometimes family doesn't deserve to be called that :mad:

Don't waste your breath on her and don't let her get you down, you can do it.

Reply 3

Flicker

13

My gran is the same with all my cousins...but i'm told that they feel the same and she just talks about the other ones whoever she is with! Perhaps it's the same here? I'm sure she is still very proud of you even if she doesn't say so. x

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I don't know why but I've got a feeling, that your grandma will be very disappointed. I am sure that you will publish a piece of work and your cousin will join the widening circle of unemployed actors... - Why don't you tell it to her?

Reply 5

Segat1

16

Don't worry. She'll die soon.

KIDDING

Look, why bother with her if she's not bothering with you? Cut your losses. What did she accomplish with her life? Was she productive? Who died and made her the decider of worthwhile professions?

Reply 6

ritz_nayyar

hey!!
you shouldn't really let this get to you. you know what you really are worth and mustn't forget that. have faith in yourself. achieve something, like become a well known writer at your uni...slap your achievements in her face...then even she will learn to respect you and stop talking about your cousin all the time.

hope this proves useful. :hugs:

Reply 7

sawyer

maybe ur secretly adapoted and she cant handle u not bein related to her

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

I have a grandmother like this, seriously I know it's hard but you just have to ignore it and carry on working hard so you can prove her wrong. Mine thinks that m cousins are amazing when they pretty much spend her money for her. She was the same with her kids (my dad and his brothers and sisters), turns out the ones she favoured have achieved little- boken families, don't work etc, whereas the ones who always tried to win her attention by working hard to prove her wrong are happy, in good jobs, with their own families now.

I tend to focus on my other grandmother instead as she is supportive and treats all of her grandchildren equally. Don't get bitter just learn from her mistakes and be a better person for it!

Reply 9

tRG

Is she illiterate? Just wondering. Maybe she can understand what your cousin is doing 'acting' and plans on doing but not what you are doing 'writing' and plan on doing after uni.. And that's why she favours your cousin?

Reply 10

foxiroxi

10

Hmmm I was talking to my Nan the other day with my mum aswell. Now considering both me and my brother have good part time jobs, his studying A-levels and I'm at university, both my parents work full time with my Dad doing extreamly well for himself job wise and my mum is doing well aswell but only really works to spoile herself, not because she has to. My Mum's sisters are both of a lower class then my parents and one of them has huge difficulties with her children truenting and smoking (aged 11) I've always thought my Nan favoured my cousins untill the other day when we got onto the topic that my parents have not funded a sigle part of my university degree so far except for two train tickets home becuase I couldn't afford them on my card.

Reply 11

francesca88

1

Sounds a lot like my nan too.... She's always favoured my cousin Sarah over EVERYONE else (I have two sisters and 6 other cousins). Sarah, at 18, announced last week that she is pregnant and getting married to her short-term boyfriend next month. And of course there's nothing wrong with that!!; my nan's acting like it's the greatest thing that's ever happened.

Just get on with it. I'm not saying that in a harsh way, but do you really need your nan's appreciation? If you're happy that's all that matters.

Reply 12

Anonymous #4

My nan is exactly the same. It feels like psychological abuse a lot of the time - she's always had a low opinion of my mother (who as it happens is the only one of her siblings to have a degree etc) and even though my cousins have barely any GCSEs to rub together she thinks they're so superior to me because they have jobs in Tescos whereas I am wasting my time with all this pointless PhD lark. One cousin lives with a drug addict she's known for about three months. I'm engaged to a lecturer and we've been together for 3 years. And yet, my cousin is untouchable in her eyes whereas she thinks I'm some kind of slag. To top it all, the whole family (except my mother) think that just because I'm doing a postgrad at Oxford I must automatically think I'm so much better than them, so every time I see them they make every effort to put me in my place - by ignoring me, not asking how I'm doing etc, while at the same time saying my cousins are doing so well and are so talented. The thing is, I don't think I'm better than them, we've just chosen different paths and there's nothing wrong with that. But they all tell me, especially my nan, that I'm a loser. It's pathetic and abusive. Argh.

Reply 13

Shockley

15

I don't think I'll ever get any respect off my grandparents for anything I do. All my grandad is interested in is me becoming a doctor. I tell him I want to study Veterinary Medicine and he says "so you want to fix budgies?"

Reply 14

Segat1

16

LePinkPanther

I don't think I'll ever get any respect off my grandparents for anything I do. All my grandad is interested in is me becoming a doctor. I tell him I want to study Veterinary Medicine and he says "so you want to fix budgies?"

hahah. Sorry, that's so funny. Do poeple still have budgies?

Reply 15

bunthulhu

14

Segat1

hahah. Sorry, that's so funny. Do poeple still have budgies?

Why wouldn't they? They haven't gone extinct :p:

Reply 16

Alamothih

mines the opposite, one of my nan favours me over the others. Mainly cos 2 are in their late 30's and still live with their mum, one no job and no qualifications. One is seriously ill with ahigh job so is a different matter but they are distant (being about same age as my dad).

Another is failing at college everywhere, has decided to marry someone the same age as my dad (and is the same age as me, 18 just), and has now decided to come out with clinical depression (which is a fix we believe for good reason).

My brother and I are hte favoured ones, myself more so because he doesnt work either but has great prowess in sports areas. Im off to Uni next year and my nan puts "money aside" incase i get into difficulties, and she boasts bout me. (i know cos old women stop me and talk to me bout my studies who ive never met :confused:

)

However my other nan, thinks the world of my cousin who has a open degree in art i think, and is a substitute primary school teacher. Because (shes the oldest on that side) shes first to go through a form of uni, no matter that im going to have a higher degree and teacher further up, my exams and stuff are treated as Kiddy things and puts me off. When talking about uni they just act as if its easy. None of my family really did college or university. So i know that no matter what they think, i will be better than them. Think of it like that.

Nan obsessed with cousin

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