my dad who's renterred my life and my brother's just goes against what i wanted - a life without him. he has a violent past of holding a knife against my mum's throat, now theyre back together again they get along well, i heard them doing it the other day which seriously made me traumatised (who would want to hear their parents YUCK) on top of this, he still has this demanding personality, asking why i do what do, why i eat without picking up the bowl, why i dont dress properly in the house (MAYBE ITS COS ITS NOT COLD and WE HAVE CENTRAL HEATING). i dont think he's entitled to boss me around like this after being absent, he's almost a stranger to me
on top of this, i have loneliness problems, i like this boy but if i put myself in his shoes, i dont think he'd even acknowledge someone in year 11 when hes in 6th form. i get excited going on the same bus as him after school, but then when nothing really happens, i just feel extremely sad and down. at school is the only time i feel happy with my best friend (atleast i got that going) but school doesnt last long enough and my home life is not the best. i got so many exams coming up but the feeling of anxiety and overthinking makes me so tired i just want to shut down and sleep or consider ending it, im not good at controlling my mental state and my mind is so fragile i cant handle it.
Cambridge at number one