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Could I have a family with a friend rather than a partner? watch

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    #1

    If I didn't want to have a partner.
    And my bff didn't want to have a partner.

    But I still wanted kids.
    And my bff wanted kids.


    How viable would it be for us to have a family? Like I've never heard of a family where the parents live with each other but have never been in love with each other. But could it work?
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    No. It wouldn't work. Something based on the children and not on a connection between two people will not work.
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    Somewhere along the way one would develop feelings with the other at some point and there's no denying it. So no it wouldn't work if there was no initial connection with the other person.
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    (Original post by aamirac)
    Somewhere along the way one would develop feelings with the other at some point and there's no denying it. So no it wouldn't work if there was no initial connection with the other person.
    aaaand what if you aren't attracted to each others gender?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    aaaand what if you aren't attracted to each others gender?
    More of a reason you don't get into something like starting a family with them in the first place.
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    (Original post by aamirac)
    More of a reason you don't get into something like starting a family with them in the first place.
    How so? I don't want to be attracted to them so I don't see a problem exactly. Why can't two friends raise children together?

    I want to have a family but I don't want romantic/sexual partners.
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    It's very uncommon, but not completely unheard of. Some people have done this. But it's probably not the best idea in the world if complications and problems arise.
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    (Original post by mollylyons)
    Bit dodgy to be honest... It may be okay for you, but does your friend know what you think? Also, the fact you feel the want for children shows that you must be attracted to somebody. If this went forward and you and your "friend" didn't get hurt, then your children probably would.
    ...And how did you come to this conclusion?
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by mollylyons)
    Bit dodgy to be honest... It may be okay for you, but does your friend know what you think? Also, the fact you feel the want for children shows that you must be attracted to somebody. If this went forward and you and your "friend" didn't get hurt, then your children probably would.
    Can you explain what you mean by this?

    I want a family, I don't want a relationship. Why must my desire to raise kids mean I am attracted to someone? I'm not! And don't want to be.
    And with a situation like this, me and this potential friend would still be able to have relationships if we wanted to - just like how many parents have relationships with people who are not the parent of their child.

    What do you mean by someone has to get hurt? Why does anyone need to "hurt"?


    Also I should clarify: I don't actually have a friend in this position. But I know I want kids, and I don't want a relationship, so I was thinking maybe at some point I will find a close friend who is in the same situation.

    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    It's very uncommon, but not completely unheard of. Some people have done this. But it's probably not the best idea in the world if complications and problems arise.
    Complications and problems? Like what? What is there that a romantic couple can handle, that a platonic couple can't? Also there are lots of single parents who successfully raise children, so clearly it's not a must-have to have romantic parents.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How so? I don't want to be attracted to them so I don't see a problem exactly. Why can't two friends raise children together?

    I want to have a family but I don't want romantic/sexual partners.
    I guess it could work, though you need to make sure that your friend is on the same page with you on that.
    You need to think about the possible psychological effects it could have on the child if you ever fall out etc... though this may not be much of an issue though.
    • #1
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    (Original post by aamirac)
    I guess it could work, though you need to make sure that your friend is on the same page with you on that.
    You need to think about the possible psychological effects it could have on the child if you ever fall out etc... though this may not be much of an issue though.
    Does the same thing apply to couples? They shouldn't have kids because one day they might break up?

    A close friendship can be just as tight a bond as a romantic relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does the same thing apply to couples? They shouldn't have kids because one day they might break up?

    A close friendship can be just as tight a bond as a romantic relationship.
    I know, that's why I'm telling you now that you need to make sure that you want this and have that commitment of the upbringing of the child and thought of everything in depth I don't see why it couldn't work.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can you explain what you mean by this?

    I want a family, I don't want a relationship. Why must my desire to raise kids mean I am attracted to someone? I'm not! And don't want to be.
    And with a situation like this, me and this potential friend would still be able to have relationships if we wanted to - just like how many parents have relationships with people who are not the parent of their child.

    What do you mean by someone has to get hurt? Why does anyone need to "hurt"?


    Also I should clarify: I don't actually have a friend in this position. But I know I want kids, and I don't want a relationship, so I was thinking maybe at some point I will find a close friend who is in the same situation.



    Complications and problems? Like what? What is there that a romantic couple can handle, that a platonic couple can't? Also there are lots of single parents who successfully raise children, so clearly it's not a must-have to have romantic parents.
    Apologies, I thought you meant that you had a friend that you wanted to do this with already, agreed and everything.Obviously if you are two adults making this decision, then that's that. You can do as you please, it's your life.
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    Entirely viable in theory. You wouldn't be so restrictive of each other and so there would be less tension- very good for kids. Kids just need attention and love for themselves, they don't need to hear their parents having sex. If you can provide that, go for it.
    • #2
    #2

    It's called a Lavender Marriage.
 
 
 
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