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need some advice, social anxiety at uni watch

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    I've been at uni for just over a month now and have only just started to struggle. Before I came to uni I knew I had social anxiety and went to the doctors and was prescribed beta blockers for it, which did nothing, and I said no to cbt because I was going to uni soon.
    At first I thought my anxiety had improved since I got here, I talked to quite a few people and made quite a few acquaintances on nights out and on my course. Now I've realised that people have started forming groups and I don't really fit in, on my course I sit with a group but have struggled to input into the conversation and they have all become really close together, i'm scared they will start to wonder why i hang out with them and i'm feeling like i'm kind of a cling on even though they invited me to hang around with them first, which makes me really paranoid and anxious.
    My flatmates are really antisocial, and rarely come out of their rooms. The one girl I am friends with in my flat is also quiet and even though I like her I feel she is just not my kind of person. In freshers week we went out with other flats but since then we haven't really seen anyone else because are flats are in individual room and people I met when drunk don't really remember me. I really miss going out and I feel the only time I really connect with people is when I'm drunk. I still say hello to people from freshers week, and I don't think they dislike me, it's just I never see them anymore and they all go out in there flats.

    I'm starting to get really bored and lonely and for the first time since I've been here I just want to go home. I feel like I'm missing out on the uni experience and am thinking maybe I should have had a gap year so I was more ready. Sorry this post is so long.

    I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice for me? Do you think it's too late for me to make better friends and how should I go about doing it? Do you think I could still make friends with the group on my course if I really made an effort to talk more? Also, I'm considering going to the doctors again and trying cbt for my anxiety, does anyone have experience with this?
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    do the bare minimum: pass your exams and get your degree. you can focus on a social life in the three or four months you'll get between uni years
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    firstly don't do the bare minimum like the guy above said. People keep saying throughout your entire life to concentrate on your studies and leave socialising till you get to uni where you have more time- if you don't now it could become seriously difficult after uni, this is really your chance.

    It might not be the nicest thing to hear right now, but the most appealing trait that someone can have is confidence. But since you're struggling with that then maybe try to see if there's anyone else in your boat at your uni. You'd be able to relate to each a lot more and probably feel a lot more comfortable around each other, too. Give that a try.

    Other than that, maybe joining some uni societies that you're interested in will help. You'll be able to meet a lot of people who share the same interests as you so conversation should be a lot easier, and will help you gain more confidence so that you can talk to even more people. As for your current friends- don't stop hanging around with them. Just try to get an understanding about what it is that they like about each other and see if you can find any of that in yourself. But your main course of action should be to branch out into different societies and start talking to people in them.

    If you find yourself really struggling after you've started trying that then consider going to the doctor's.
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    Don’t worry, you still have plenty of time to make friends still. As you get to know people on your course you will find people beyond just drink buddies. I have had social anxiety before and it is awful, but the best way to beat it is to face your fears and go outside to meet people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    firstly don't do the bare minimum like the guy above said. People keep saying throughout your entire life to concentrate on your studies and leave socialising till you get to uni where you have more time- if you don't now it could become seriously difficult after uni, this is really your chance.

    It might not be the nicest thing to hear right now, but the most appealing trait that someone can have is confidence. But since you're struggling with that then maybe try to see if there's anyone else in your boat at your uni. You'd be able to relate to each a lot more and probably feel a lot more comfortable around each other, too. Give that a try.

    Other than that, maybe joining some uni societies that you're interested in will help. You'll be able to meet a lot of people who share the same interests as you so conversation should be a lot easier, and will help you gain more confidence so that you can talk to even more people. As for your current friends- don't stop hanging around with them. Just try to get an understanding about what it is that they like about each other and see if you can find any of that in yourself. But your main course of action should be to branch out into different societies and start talking to people in them.

    If you find yourself really struggling after you've started trying that then consider going to the doctor's.
    Thanks for your advice, I agree with you about uni being my last chance to socialise, that's why it's upsetting me so much that it's not going well. The thing with finding someone else who is less confident is that I find it even harder to talk to someone quiet because that means I have to talk more. I'm not sure whether to make more of an effort with the group I hang out with on my course at the minute, because I really do like them, I'm just scared they already think I'm a freak because I hardly ever say anything when I'm with them and I'm starting to feel excluded from the group (even though I've brought it on myself).

    I had a look at societies but none of them really appealed to me and I feel like I've probably left it too late to join now. Even if I did meet people the majority live on campus so it's not like I could really meet up with them to go on nights out.

    My main worry is that I don't really have any friends in my building (I don't live on campus). There is only five people on my flat and most of them are foreign exchange students, there's only one girl I'm friends with in my flat but she never wants to go out drinking and we don't really get on that well, I like her but I find her hard to talk to because she's quiet. People we went out with on freshers week go out by themselves now in there own flats and we don't get invited out with them and hardly ever see them. I find it really depressing staying in on the weekends purely because I have no one to go out with. I think most people go out in their flats but no one in my flat likes to go out.

    I'm thinking maybe I should get a job doing bar work so I could maybe meet some more people?
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    (Original post by 1lastchance)
    Don’t worry, you still have plenty of time to make friends still. As you get to know people on your course you will find people beyond just drink buddies. I have had social anxiety before and it is awful, but the best way to beat it is to face your fears and go outside to meet people.
    I really hope your right. I'm going to try to talk to more people on my course and maybe look into cbt or antidepressants for the anxiety. Did you get any help for your anxiety or did you manage to overcome it by yourself?
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    do the bare minimum: pass your exams and get your degree. you can focus on a social life in the three or four months you'll get between uni years
    That's kind of the opposite of what I want to do. My course is quite full on and I have placements through the summer so it's not like I'll be getting loads of time off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really hope your right. I'm going to try to talk to more people on my course and maybe look into cbt or antidepressants for the anxiety. Did you get any help for your anxiety or did you manage to overcome it by yourself?
    I think over time exposing myself to the anxieties I had has helped. That sounds like a good plan. I know that CBT can be really beneficial - I haven't tried it myself, but I know that one of the main things they focus on is anxiety so it might be worth a look into if your anxiety is really troubling you.
 
 
 
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