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Third week of uni finished - haven't met anybody, is it too late? watch

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    Hey TSR

    Just thought I'd create an account as I'm now a first year at Brighton Uni and this forum might be useful to me. Just looking for thoughts/advice on this issue... did a third year at college due to poor performance and then took a gap year.

    Was really looking forward to uni and it's been an interesting experience so far but I am slightly troubled by the whole social side of it. Moved into a student house as ineligible for halls (only lived a few miles away beforehand), and have become good friends with a couple of my housemates, and since I moved into town, things have been pretty crazy. But, I haven't made a single friend through uni itself nor have I really met or gotten to known anybody properly.

    Now I've finished the third week, I'm starting to wonder if it's too late. I didn't go to any freshers events as I really hate tacky generic nightclubs (and my housemates don't like it either, so didn't really have anybody to go with). I also missed first day of uni due to being stranded elsewhere in the country, and missed the introductory social where everybody got loads of free wine. When I left college all of my local friends had pretty much buggered off elsewhere, but I managed to make a nice handful of friends and acqutainces through getting involved in the psychedelic party scene, among other things just generally out and about.

    I am not friendless now as I still know lots of people locally who I see fairly regularly, but that being said, it's arguable that I still don't have any close friends who I see multiple times per week (bar housemates). Worried that during the winter, my social life will dry up a bit and I won't have any uni friends.

    I suffer from social anxiety, which makes it very hard to meet people and make friends the way normal people seem to effortlessly. University doesn't seem to have provided any opportunity for me to make friends, and already it's a very clicky and rigid social environment. There's no real opportunity to talk to people at lectures or seminars, you just turn up participate in the seminar/listen to the lecture and leave. During lecture breaks I'm just 'that guy' standing awkwardly on his own smoking a cigarette.

    So yeah, what should I do? Is it too late? Really struggling to see how I'm going to ever meet anybody at uni and make proper friendships. It isn't the end of the world, as I still have a social life and means of meeting people, but that could dry up and if uni doesn't provide anybody I'll be pretty lonely.
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    Its not too late im in a similar situation ive spoken to some people but havent eaten lunch with anyone, its not too late u will make friends, my bro said he didnt make real friends untill christmas and hes really confident. Dont worry give it some time.
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    (Original post by Nununu)
    Its not too late im in a similar situation ive spoken to some people but havent eaten lunch with anyone, its not too late u will make friends, my bro said he didnt make real friends untill christmas and hes really confident. Dont worry give it some time.
    I seriously hope you're right but I'm literally not having any opportunity to meet people, so I don't see what's gonna change. I fear I'll just become known as that awkward loner guy that never talks to anybody.

    Even if I do get chances to casually talk to people in seminars/outside of lectures, I fail to see how that's gonna translate into friendships where we often hang out. Especially if I gain a reputation for being an outcast.
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    [QUOTE=LiquidKnowledge;60004395]I seriously hope you're right but I'm literally not having any opportunity to meet people, so I don't see what's gonna change. I fear I'll just become known as that awkward loner guy that never talks to anybody.

    Even if I do get chances to casually talk to people in seminars/outside of lectures, I fail to see how that's gonna translate into friendships where we often hang out. Especially if I gain a reputation for being an outcast.[/
    If u keep talking to people in seminars/ tutorials/group work eventually they will invite u to lunch and then over time u get to know them then they invite u out or u can invite them .
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    I wouldn't worry, I knew a lot of people at uni that I hanged out a bit with. I didn't get a good mate till second year.


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    (Original post by LiquidKnowledge)
    Hey TSR

    Just thought I'd create an account as I'm now a first year at Brighton Uni and this forum might be useful to me. Just looking for thoughts/advice on this issue... did a third year at college due to poor performance and then took a gap year.

    Was really looking forward to uni and it's been an interesting experience so far but I am slightly troubled by the whole social side of it. Moved into a student house as ineligible for halls (only lived a few miles away beforehand), and have become good friends with a couple of my housemates, and since I moved into town, things have been pretty crazy. But, I haven't made a single friend through uni itself nor have I really met or gotten to known anybody properly.

    Now I've finished the third week, I'm starting to wonder if it's too late. I didn't go to any freshers events as I really hate tacky generic nightclubs (and my housemates don't like it either, so didn't really have anybody to go with). I also missed first day of uni due to being stranded elsewhere in the country, and missed the introductory social where everybody got loads of free wine. When I left college all of my local friends had pretty much buggered off elsewhere, but I managed to make a nice handful of friends and acqutainces through getting involved in the psychedelic party scene, among other things just generally out and about.

    I am not friendless now as I still know lots of people locally who I see fairly regularly, but that being said, it's arguable that I still don't have any close friends who I see multiple times per week (bar housemates). Worried that during the winter, my social life will dry up a bit and I won't have any uni friends.

    I suffer from social anxiety, which makes it very hard to meet people and make friends the way normal people seem to effortlessly. University doesn't seem to have provided any opportunity for me to make friends, and already it's a very clicky and rigid social environment. There's no real opportunity to talk to people at lectures or seminars, you just turn up participate in the seminar/listen to the lecture and leave. During lecture breaks I'm just 'that guy' standing awkwardly on his own smoking a cigarette.

    So yeah, what should I do? Is it too late? Really struggling to see how I'm going to ever meet anybody at uni and make proper friendships. It isn't the end of the world, as I still have a social life and means of meeting people, but that could dry up and if uni doesn't provide anybody I'll be pretty lonely.
    If you can, during lecture breaks go up to people on your course and say hi. They might be in cliques but at this early stage most people are still open to getting to know others. Also sports clubs and often societies are a good way to get to know people.
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    I see so many of these threads that don't even mention joining a club/ society like have you really even tried? Join a couple of societies and at least give it a go before complaining about having no friends


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    (Original post by hermitthefrog)
    I see so many of these threads that don't even mention joining a club/ society like have you really even tried? Join a couple of societies and at least give it a go before complaining about having no friends


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    Sure, it's something I've considered but the university's list of society's on the website doesn't seem to contain current info, and the societies on there aren't really appealing (though ones related to my course would be). Will definitely try and find out though and join them if they are available. Are we saying though that if that doesn't work I have no opportunity to meet/befriend people at uni (given that I currently have a big fat zero number of associates/contacts/friends to build from)?
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    (Original post by LiquidKnowledge)
    Hey TSR

    Just thought I'd create an account as I'm now a first year at Brighton Uni and this forum might be useful to me. Just looking for thoughts/advice on this issue... did a third year at college due to poor performance and then took a gap year.

    Was really looking forward to uni and it's been an interesting experience so far but I am slightly troubled by the whole social side of it. Moved into a student house as ineligible for halls (only lived a few miles away beforehand), and have become good friends with a couple of my housemates, and since I moved into town, things have been pretty crazy. But, I haven't made a single friend through uni itself nor have I really met or gotten to known anybody properly.

    Now I've finished the third week, I'm starting to wonder if it's too late. I didn't go to any freshers events as I really hate tacky generic nightclubs (and my housemates don't like it either, so didn't really have anybody to go with). I also missed first day of uni due to being stranded elsewhere in the country, and missed the introductory social where everybody got loads of free wine. When I left college all of my local friends had pretty much buggered off elsewhere, but I managed to make a nice handful of friends and acqutainces through getting involved in the psychedelic party scene, among other things just generally out and about.

    I am not friendless now as I still know lots of people locally who I see fairly regularly, but that being said, it's arguable that I still don't have any close friends who I see multiple times per week (bar housemates). Worried that during the winter, my social life will dry up a bit and I won't have any uni friends.

    I suffer from social anxiety, which makes it very hard to meet people and make friends the way normal people seem to effortlessly. University doesn't seem to have provided any opportunity for me to make friends, and already it's a very clicky and rigid social environment. There's no real opportunity to talk to people at lectures or seminars, you just turn up participate in the seminar/listen to the lecture and leave. During lecture breaks I'm just 'that guy' standing awkwardly on his own smoking a cigarette.

    So yeah, what should I do? Is it too late? Really struggling to see how I'm going to ever meet anybody at uni and make proper friendships. It isn't the end of the world, as I still have a social life and means of meeting people, but that could dry up and if uni doesn't provide anybody I'll be pretty lonely.
    You've made some bad mistakes (not going out in fresher's week etc) but its not too late.

    Join some social clubs. Start socialising with your coursemates - surely you can ask some of them to the pub after lectures?

    Get your housemates to introduce you to their friends. Go out to the pub and talk to the people at the table next to you.
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    No. I didn't make an effort in my first year to meet anyone. But I joined a few societies in my second year and met a friend who introduced me to their friends, and their friends of friends and then I had a whole new group of friends from just joining one society
 
 
 
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