I'm doing a 2 year Masters degree, and I'm currently doing my study abroad for the second year in Poland. The first year of my degree was okay, I met a few good people from the metal society, retained reasonable relations with a few on my course, but never felt like I met a single person who I completely clicked with. I was hoping the second year would be different, but it isn't.
It hasn't got anything to do with the fact I'm in a foreign country (I don't speak fluent Polish), and I'm not even anxious about that. It's related to me. I came here on the 18th September with my brother - he's always wanted to come here, so I spent a whole week with him. Then there were a few 'integration' events with the uni e.g. a trip to the mountains (I really wanted to go) but my grant has been completely messed up and I literally had no money at all. So another chance lost. Then studying started officially on the 6th October, I've spoken to a few fleetingly, but I guess that's just niceties on their part. I'm just a very awkward person and I feel like a paradox - on one hand, I want to make friends and be social, but on the other hand I want to stay in my shell and convince myself that I hate people. I feel alone, but I convince myself that I like being alone. I don't know if it's because of my childhood, the way people have treated me in the past, or simply just 'it is what it is.'
I came to Poland knowing a few girls from my course in the first year, I have done some things with them, but there just isn't a connection. I'm a very strange, eccentric character with a weird sense of humour, and I naturally make off hand funny comments in their presence but none of them get it.
I'm really nostalgic about my undergrad days - I met a few girls which I lived with for 3 years and they were completely on the same wavelength as me - same humour, same tastes in music etc - and I really miss that. I haven't met another individual who gets me like they do. I also have hang ups about Facebook, if it wasn't for uni and being part of Facebook groups I would have deleted it a long time ago. I just hate the whole concept. I prefer quality over quantity, and I see my friends from the first year adding people who they've literally just said hello to, and I'm not like that. For instance, after class last week, a girl started talking to me (seemed alternative like me) and because she did her first year in London, we were saying how we missed English tea (I'm English anyway) etc and she said she knows a good cafe here that is English and that we should go sometime. I was like cool, but I mean what do I do now? Most people would have frantically searched for the person on Facebook and added them, but I can't bring myself to do it, She also wasn't in the class the following week so I never got to talk some more.
Most people might suggest join societies but they don't really have that kind of set up over here. I'm going to a gig next week (alone of course) but I'm not optimistic that I will start talking to anyone. I just don't know what to do to change, I really want to. I wish I was a happy smiley person, but I can't bring myself to be that kind of person. Any suggestions? I just want a person, just one person, who I can completely be myself with.
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It's happened again, no proper friends? watch
- Thread Starter
- 18-10-2015 14:52
- 18-10-2015 20:44
You could try being just a bit more of a smiley happy person, rather than feeling like you need to adjust your whole character? And maybe adjusting to using Facebook a bit more to contact people (forget the concept of it and think of it just like picking up the phone, but using text). No need to feel awkward about adding people, no-one will really mind.. Especially as you're in a new place. Any clubs/societies you could join? Is there anyone who seems like a potential close friend?
- 18-10-2015 20:50
I feel you, this is one of the downsides of possessing quite a polarising character, on the upside it means that the company you will end up keeping will be exceptional by some means.
Get into the habit of being more forceful in social situations and through yourself head first into social situations, for instance when that girl suggested having Tea you should have agreed on the premise and asked her for her number straight then.
I'm also not the kind of guy who adds everyone on facebook either and rarely even use it so I understand your frustration with it, it does mean that your going to have to work that extra bit harder though.