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I always stop fancying a guy after I get with them? watch

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    Ok so I've liked this guy I work with for the past 4 weeks, been thinking about him loads, looking forward to every time I see him. Then impulsively on Friday I kissed him and we went back to his. We had a really good time and I stayed for a while the next day and it was great. But now it's the day after and it's like I don't like him anymore.

    I used to be like this as a fresher at uni as well, until I got with my (now ex) boyfriend and we were together for 3 years.

    I'm confused about what to do? Or why I feel this way?
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    Maybe you're only attracted physically, not emotionally
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so I've liked this guy I work with for the past 4 weeks, been thinking about him loads, looking forward to every time I see him. Then impulsively on Friday I kissed him and we went back to his. We had a really good time and I stayed for a while the next day and it was great. But now it's the day after and it's like I don't like him anymore.

    I used to be like this as a fresher at uni as well, until I got with my (now ex) boyfriend and we were together for 3 years.

    I'm confused about what to do? Or why I feel this way?
    You see, what happens is this: when things get beyond the initial phase of attraction and you sleep together or whatever, you lose interest because it turns into a case of "been there, done that".

    Relationships are a waste of time for this reason.
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Maybe you're only attracted physically, not emotionally
    Dunno I genuinely thought I completely fell for him before hand. And I really enjoyed spending time with him. I'm not sure if this is some sort of defense mechanism I have, because it's really stupid. And also if I don't fancy him now then I've potentially made it a bit of an awkward situation with him at work.
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    This used to happen to me. But then I have major 'daddy issues'... let's not get into that.
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    (Original post by Most Competitive)
    You see, what happens is this: when things get beyond the initial phase of attraction and you sleep together or whatever, you lose interest because it turns into a case of "been there, done that".

    Relationships are a waste of time for this reason.
    The first sentence is true for me but I hate it, I like the buildup of fancying someone, something potentially happening, but it feels like such a disappointment when I just feel nothing for them afterwards.

    Nah I've had some relationships that were really great while they lasted. I just can't remember what made those guys special enough for me to stop liking them :/
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    This used to happen to me. But then I have major 'daddy issues'... let's not get into that.
    You can call me da... nvm
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    You like the thrill of the chase.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think this a slut syndrome. Be wary of STIs you are infecting/inviting
    I'm clean, thank you very much! I've been in relationships lasting 9 months, 2 years, 3 years since I was 15, with times in between meeting and fancying new people. I'm just like any other person who fancies a guy and then something starts to happen between them. The only difference is that my feelings go away after that and I'm trying to figure out why.
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    Oh that's classic. The chase is better than the catch. There's nothing special about these men that you're going for, the thrill is only in the chase.
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    (Original post by RainbowKiwi)
    You like the thrill of the chase.
    Which was fine at uni but not really in the environment I'm working now. Am I just doomed? Should I hide from this person from now on?

    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    This used to happen to me. But then I have major 'daddy issues'... let's not get into that.
    I have no issues with my parents.
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    (Original post by zKlown)
    You can call me da... nvm
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFyQtTnJzHU
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Which was fine at uni but not really in the environment I'm working now. Am I just doomed? Should I hide from this person from now on?
    Lol don't hide, just be straight with him if he expects something more. Let him down gently, you don't want to leave things unclear and lead him on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Which was fine at uni but not really in the environment I'm working now. Am I just doomed? Should I hide from this person from now on?


    I have no issues with my parents.
    Oh no, don't worry, I wasn't trying to imply that you have any daddy issues. I meant to say that I went through a similar phase that lasted several years but I figured out what might have caused it, not that I think that applies to you. We just went through a similar thing is all.
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    Oh no, don't worry, I wasn't trying to imply that you have any daddy issues. I meant to say that I went through a similar phase that lasted several years but I figured out what might have caused it, not that I think that applies to you. We just went through a similar thing is all.
    I'm thinking it might be a defense mechanism of some sort, was it for you? And did you get over it? And is there anything that helped?
    (Original post by Thickfreakness)
    Oh that's classic. The chase is better than the catch. There's nothing special about these men that you're going for, the thrill is only in the chase.
    I don't want to be like this! I want to fancy a guy, get with him, then keep on fancying him and then maybe getting together. Otherwise there is no point in me liking anyone whatsoever and this is all just a massive waste of time!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm thinking it might be a defense mechanism of some sort, was it for you? And did you get over it? And is there anything that helped?
    You're actually spot on there. It was definitely a defense mechanism in my case. I think what helped was to take it slow with my current boyfriend and really learn to trust him. And to learn to trust myself with someone and allow myself to be vulnerable in that way. I think before I just could never allow myself to completely let go with a guy because I feared it would lead to severe heartbreak that I'd never get over. It's still been very difficult with Thomas because I'm very insecure in relationships. Sometimes I still have trouble accepting the fact that my boyfriend genuinely cares about me and has no ulterior motives. I used to find it off-putting that they'd be so into me because it made me wary.
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    This sounds like what I like to call the Henry VIII-Anne Boleyn syndrome. Once the chase is over then the ardour fizzles out.
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    Sounds like maybe you are worried about commitment
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    You're actually spot on there. It was definitely a defense mechanism in my case. I think what helped was to take it slow with my current boyfriend and really learn to trust him. And to learn to trust myself with someone and allow myself to be vulnerable in that way. I think before I just could never allow myself to completely let go with a guy because I feared it would lead to severe heartbreak that I'd never get over. It's still been very difficult with Thomas because I'm very insecure in relationships. Sometimes I still have trouble accepting the fact that my boyfriend genuinely cares about me and has no ulterior motives. I used to find it off-putting that they'd be so into me because it made me wary.
    He sounds like a really great guy! And yeah that's ideally what I think would work best for me, but if now my feelings have supposedly disappeared, should I try and pursue it anyway or see what he does? Maybe if I see he's not a bad guy or something I'll stop trying to put up a barrier.

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Sounds like maybe you are worried about commitment
    Probably! How can I stop?
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    Maybe learn to trust more and maybe spend a bit more time getting to know the person.
 
 
 
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