Hi guys, so I'm 2nd year at uni and I wanted to try and meet some new people in my 2nd year of uni so i decided to move into to another hall style accommodation with 6 people I did know. Unfortunately it isn't going very well...
Upon arriving 2 girls both from the same country and school arrived and started laying down 'house rules' do's and don't for the entire flat (considering people hadn't even moved in properly yet). They made rules of when people could and couldn't use the kitchen, What we could and couldn't do etc, etc.
Eventually everybody arrived and the flat is small for 6 people. We have one sink, a 3 seat bar dining area, 1 microwave and 1 cooker.
Firstly, there is 1 room in particular that is really close to the kitchen and the person in this room, complains about me using the kitchen at unreasonable times i.e after midnight. Now yeah, i think midnight snacks are are thing but I also have OCD, which means i eat when i'm hungry or i don't eat at all. I don't have eating pattern as such. I have huge food issues which i'm getting help for and the foreign girl told me that I should probably eat biscuits or something instead. She also told me to make sandwiches and then in the next breathe said the ticking of the fridge kept her awake. She and her friend are masters students so they are around the flat a lot more than us 2nd and 3rd years.
2 of us come from uni halls where we had 2 sinks, 2 cookers and we were used to hiding dirty dishes come inspection and everyone used each others tea towels and etc etc. However the french girls seem to be really fussy and don't want people using their tea towels and people to do there dishes at least once a day etc etc. I understand with people using her stuff that's a valid point but This isnt the end!
They constanstly talk in french to each other and barely acknowledge me which I find really rude considering there here studying in England. I think they're quite selfish wanting everyone to suit around them. She moans about the smell of peoples food too. She moaned that I don't wash my dishes enough and that this is causing an issue, I told her i am happy with her moving them until i get around to doing them, but i am in university 3 days a week 9am until 6pm. I admit sometimes I slip on keeping my dishes done because I have a whole other ton of **** to do as well.
She also said i speak to loud on the phone when i'm in my room, I found this very very offending as She was referring to a conversation i had had with my mum, about my Mental Health issues. I would have expected her to have hear it was a sensitive issue and thought I will not mention it rather than coming up to me and saying' I heard everything you said' because I'd rather have thought nobody heard it, than know now that she heard everything I said.
I believe they are quite selfish as they moan about me using the microwave after midnight yet they are up at midnight being noisy and loud, when I have to be up at 7am for lessons. They are masters and we understand that they aren't in class as much as everyone else and they need to understand we aren't around as much as them to do things. I already suffer from anxiety, OCD and Depression without having this extra stress as well.
I don't expect us to be close flatmates because the french girls made that clear on the day that they arrived. They were only sticking to each other, but at the end of the day we all paid the same amount and we are all here for the same thing. I cannot help my eating habits, sometimes i eat sometimes I don't at the moment it is out of my control hence why i am speaking help. At the time I was also going through insomnia where I only had about 3 hours sleep for an entire week. Hence why I was cooking food so late.
I really don't want to make any trouble, but I feel like they're constantly moaning and nagging. I admit there is more i could do like doing my dishes more often, but really? Commenting on my phone call? I keep quite at night as best I can but they need to understand we are Students! This is part of student life!
Any advice on what i can do? I don't cant to tell them about my mental health issues because it's nothing to do with them but they would explain some of my behaviors. I also am very offended that she confronted me on overhearing my personal phone call about my therapy and stuff. I would have appreciated it more if she would have covered her ears, played music, watched something instead She could have heard it but she didn't need to come and tell me that she heard it because now i know that she knows all my private information which is about my mental health which is very private to me.
Please give me some advice, for example she doesn't want me using the kitchen when she's sleeping, each day she gets up at 9am. I have lessons 2 times a week that mean I have to get up at 7am, What am i meant to just go without breakfast? I know some of the problem is me but like i said i can't do anything about it at the moment I am seeking help. Unless she wants to give me the magic cure there's nothing i can do.
Please give me some help or advice. I don't know what to do. I thought things would have been different but it's kind of typical i get stuck with some idiots 2nd year. Plus there is also another girl who's room is near the kitchen and she says she has no problem with the microwave been used or etc etc. So clearly it's just the 2 french girls. It seems that because they're two of them they think they can make the rules
thanks for advice and tips guys, Next i'll be expecting her to complain she can hear my alarm at 7am and it wakes her up, I should probably complain when i hear her flush the toilet but i'm not fussed by it.
x Turn on thread page Beta
UNREASONABLE BOSSY FLATMATES or is it me? watch
- 19-10-2015 09:54
- 19-10-2015 11:07
You use the kitchen after midnight??? I am not surprised people are a bit off at you. The majority of people are sleeping after midnight and don't appreciate being woken up. The least you can do is respect that.
So if you feel the need to feast in whilst people are sleeping, either make no sound, so better still, prepare your food in advance and keep it in your room until you want to eat it. It won't go off if left out of the fridge for an hour or so.
Being a "student" is no excuse for keeping everyone else up all night. It is simply selfish.
- 19-10-2015 11:15
If I was you I would just be louder to piss them off more.
- 19-10-2015 11:16
Just ignore them.....Use the kitchen whenever you want. If they don't like it then tell them they can move out. Had the same problem when i was in 1st years Halls. I would be making toast around 11pm and the girl who had a room next to the kitchen would bang on the wall. I used to just knock back or just make more noise.......they will soon shut up.
- 19-10-2015 13:01
I feel that in m opinion there's a lot of noise on campus. So im used to it all the predrink parties and stuff like that. I believe really I should be the one who get pissesd because the earliest they ever have to get up is 9am whereas I have to get up at 7am a few times a week. They wouldn't last a minute on student accomedation on campus I don't know where they've been living but to say they've stayed at 5 different universities and have no understanding of noise and night time noise is ridiculous. She complains about the smell of people's food too. She moans about my Phone conversations when im in my room which is my privacy. Nobody else has an issue with this only her.
- 19-10-2015 13:26
Thanks for all the replies guys. I went speak to my accommodation manager and he said that the sound of forks on plates and the microwave and the ticking of the fridge is not noise. Noise is music blaring all through the night. He told me that if she starts then i should advise her to took to him and he will tell her that's part of communal living.
- 19-10-2015 13:45
What are their rules? On the one hand this could be a sensible thing, if they've been in halls for a few years and have had bad experiences maybe they're trying to keep the peace and keep things from getting out of control... on the other hand, this should be a discussion with everyone.
To be honest I've been in this girl's position, i.e. sleeping next to the kitchen and hearing people cooking but I think there can be a compromise. Personally I don't mind as long as said person isn't also talking loudly/crashing about more than necessary. I don't think it makes much noise to cook something quickly alone. Perhaps you could make an effort with this one and cook meals in advance so you just need to reheat something or cook something cold so you're not using loads of pans and banging them around? I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to be able to cook in your kitchen when you want to cook.
Small things like using tea towels are the sort of thing where you should be making a real effort because it is such a tiny issue it has no effect on your life but you can use it to show you're making an effort and to avoid frustrating her further. I hated people using my tea towels cos I kept mine clean and other people didn't. Likewise, try and do all your dishes within 24 hours, it only takes 5-10 mins to do them after uni and it will help things in the flat a lot.
The talking in French is rude and if you decide at any point to have a discussion then it is perhaps worth bringing up. I've lived with international students and they'd never have spoken in another language in front of me because it does make you feel so uncomfortable.
The issue with the phone is hard to judge. You might be talking way louder than necessary in which case it's reasonable for her to ask you to keep it down, so try and talk as quietly as possible next time. She does, however, have to accept that student halls usually have thin walls and you can hear pretty much everything. If you're having a private phone call in a place where everyone can hear you though, you can't blame her for having overheard.
There's not much you can do with people like this. You could try and call a flat meeting and all try and come to a compromise but ultimately it sounds like they aren't interested in other people's opinions, they just want the flat to be the way they want it and think because there's two of them and they're older they can enforce it. Just do what you want, make an effort with the small things and ignore the digs.
- 19-10-2015 17:16
Yes i do make the effort i wasnt the one who used her tea towel i just think she wanted to throw the book at me.
I'm the one who's lived on campus and experienced the noise and there are a few other 2nd years here too, what I was saying was that I think with her being a masters student with like 5 years of experience living away from home, she should now be used to the whole student life, living in shared accomodation it shouldnt really come as something new to her. In my opinion I think it wouldnt hurt to do everyones dishes that was in the sink, because I would if i saw someone elses dishes in the sink, but like i said it is so hard to bring the flat together and get used to working together and sharing when the two french girls have made it so clear and obvious that they don't want to be together or included they're happy everyone staying individual which mean there is no communication between the flat members and no social internation because everyone is like forced to stay to them self in a way. I did make an effort to bring everyone together, through keeping them informed about what nights i was doing at freshers, i spent money decorating the flat i told them i'd be happy to do it at christmas and halloween as i had old decorations with me I told them to write on their birthdays so we could maybe all get a card or get something, but they were so clearly like NO. they didnt even acknowledge or say thanks for you the decorations that i put up so i decided to take them all down.
I believe she is being petty that she is commenting on the volume of my PRIVATE phone calls, she is commenting on the smell of peoples food, she is commenting on the noise of the microwave, the timer on the fridge, the scraping of forks on plates. I mean really? Im surprised she hasn't heard my phone alarm go off at 7am and come around to tell me that IT'S TOO LOUD IT WAKES HER UP.
I am used to living on campus, in a pretty close environment with flatmates, everyone shares there's no real divide between people. I am vegetarian and I only cook pasta on the oven I mean, the sound of boiling water keeps her awake? What is she superhuman? Our rooms also back onto the car park which is accessed all through the night, And lights shine in through the windows, why isnt she outside shouting at them about keeping her awake? Why is it all IN THE FLAT stuff?
Clearly she thinks she can live in this perfect house where everybody eats at a certian time and everyone sleeps at a certain time. I think that to be honest, there is one cooker and one sink, it is not PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE for all 8 flat mates to eat at one time. I could be just as petty as her, I hear her shower i hear her flush the toilet but i don't go banging on her door.
We have had many flat meetings but guess who leads them? They complain they have bad English yet it seems to be good eough to me when they're moaning about this that and the other. The idea about precooking food, yes okay maybe but im going to keep it in the fridge right? THE FRIDGE KEEPS HER AWAKE?! i mean, clearly if this is such a big issue it isn't us flatmates she should be addressing it's the flat manager.
She is around the flat a lot more, than the other 6 of us because we have lessons and some people go home for weekends and stuff. If all she can do is nag nag nag about whats wrong in the flat i mean does she have no life? Every time i went to wash my dishes in the kitchen someone else's dishes were in the sink and THEN I GET THE BACKLASH FOR NOT WASHING MY DISHES.
It feels as though I can't win, this year is going to be murder.
I cook pasta only ever pasta, It's not like im cooking big 3 course meals at 1 am or whatever but theres not much that goes into pasta? Considering she's in class less then anyone she shouldnt really get to say when we eat and when we dont eat. That is just sad.
My flat manager told me there is a difference between me playing music full blast all through the night, and people making food in the kitchen and to him that isn't noise, that is student living and if she had a problem with it then she shouldnt be in shared accommodation. I'm not fussed about people using my towels i have about 6, and we have washing machines so it's hardly a BIG THING if they get dirty.
Personal, i struggle to understand how noise can be a problem for her when 1 she doesn't get out of bed til 9am every single day. 2 it's shared accommodation and we're on 2nd floor so their is flats above and below us. 3 SHE HAS LIVED IN STUDENT ACCOMMODATION FOR 5 YEARS. I mean students will come and go, they will go out at midnight and come in at 5 and 6am what is she going to do? tell them not to go out? tell them they cant go drinking and come in drunk. WHAT? WHERE DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? if someone gets the train back to student accom and its like 11pm they have every right to cook food, she doesnt go to bed til midnight and apparently she never stays up past midnight. If she wants to live her life to these strict rules then fine, fair enough she can. I just dont think its right for her, a masters student whos the eldest in the flat to force these upon everybody else? surely there will be people here who are up all nigght studing, there will be people here who just want to go out get drunk and have sex, everybody is different but we all paid the same amount at the end of the day. She really would have something to complain about if i constantly had people over or constantly through parties or had my music blaring loudly all the time.
Tbh i dont think she should be in student accommodation if thats her attitude, because she clearly should have just got a house share with her so called best friend from france. then they could live in their ruled happiness together
but yeah, im just going to ignore them. I know the manager is on my side if they choose to complain because he doesnt count the microwave and forks on plates and phone calls as 'Noise'
Many thanks to all the replies
- 10-02-2017 21:24
same here though I'm not in uni (in b4 necromance)
- 12-02-2017 00:22
I'm often eating stuff at midnight and going to the kitchen. I think me and your flatmate would have issue's.
She's being overly petty too. I'm a person who likes his peace and quiet ...but when I was sharing a house with others I did not complain to them about their noise, and believe me they weren't super quiet people.Noise is just part and parcel of living with others. The walls were thin and I often overheard phone calls too,...the thing is though, they were speaking in a foreign language so i couldn't make sense of it lol.
If possible try moving into another flat. 6 - 8 people living in a flat is too much imo, there's bound to be issues.
I think 5 to a house should be maximum.
I got pissed off with my landlord when he rented out a room a person had just left to a couple,meaning there was now 6 in the house. It's just not enough living space. A couple other of my flatmates were unhappy with this as well.
There was 5 spaces in total on the 2 couches.
If there is ever a time where the number of people in the house exceeds the number of couch spaces then that's a telling sign the accommodation is over populated.