Another thread about relationship issues... and uni

I'm in a long-term relationship (3 years +). We have been together, but secretly, for a stupid reason involving my parents being very immature and over-protective.

Because of this, we have only been able to spend short amounts of time together, around 1 hour or 2, every couple of weeks. I feel as if I haven't been able to get to know him as well as I would have liked.. I still don't feel as though I can say whatever I want in front of him. I feel comfortable with him, but it's not how I can expect to feel with a close friend, or someone I can just open up to.

The issue is this: He's at university and I'm in my last year of sixth form, going to uni up North in October. We surely won't be able to see each other much, and it costs about a hundred quid to travel to each other.

I suppose in a way, this thread is similar to a lot of others asking if going off to uni will affect the relationship. The problem is, I have a feeling that with the lack of real-life communication, we won't be able to properly have that close-friend/boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and it will just be like the past few years where we have seen each other during my free lessons, on and off not really discussing anything, just hugging and appreciating the time together.. which is good, but I would like something more, which is to be able to be his friend as well. It's kind of hard to explain, but I hope you get the idea.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone thought it might be worth it to try and change my uni so that I stay in London (which will mean going through clearing)? I have already got my firm and insurance which are both far away.. and I'm partly scared that we will break up, in which case I don't know if I will be able to cope with it.

Do these things ever worked out? Has anyone got any experiences they'd like to share?

Somehow I just think in the back of my mind (even though it's evil to do so) that we will inevitably have to break up because of the distance, and it will just get worse with less time being able to see each other. Plus, I don't mean to sound like I don't trust him, but I really don't know him inside out as a person, and I know this is bad, but IF he were to do anything untrustworthy, I wouldn't know about it.. and I'm not the securest person in the world so maybe I'm better off without him, or maybe he's better off without me. We are, I forgot to mention each other's first boyfriend and girlfriend, and maybe holding onto the relationship because it's been such a long time anyway?

I'd appreciate any thoughts

Reply 1

khil

If it's a relationship that's meant to last and worth pursuing, it will last even through the distance. If you're gonna end up breaking up with him, do you really think it's worth you planning your life around him, going to a uni you never really wanted to go to, for a guy with whom nothing's gonna work out anyway? You'd end up resenting either you or him for having changed your mind about where to go for uni when it all goes pear-shape.

And if it does work out and does not go pear-shape, then it would work out even if you are far away. So why change your uni choice for him? You're not engaged or married to this guy - do not plan your life around him.

I'll use my friends as examples here, seeing as they're currently conducting a long-distance relationship. They're admittedly engaged, but that doesn't really make it any easier. The girl, due to various reasons, have had to take a gap year and return home to Bolivia. The guy is currently still studying in England. The girl's only just came to visit since last Sunday, and will be flying back in 2 weeks' time. And I have not seen their relationship weaken and they've been so happy together since she's been back. And she won't be returning to England til Sep, when she will resume her studies. So if you're gonna talk distance, I don't think you can get much further than between South America and England!

Basically, do what you think is right. Has he given you any reasons why you shouldn't trust him? Why not give it a chance? Head off to uni, within the first term, if you feel as if you two have not grown any closer but instead maybe have grown apart, if anything, then break up with him. I don't see anything wrong with putting it to the test first :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks irising! I think it will be a good test of whether the relationship will be successful or not. I guess it is silly to change uni just because of him. That's a nice story, hopefully it will be like that for me and him.

The only problem I have with LDRs is that you don't get to see the bad points of a person so much if you see them less often, and it can make the relationship seem more sugar coated than it really is..

Reply 3

username47781

You have to go to whichever university best suits you can the course you want to do, however far away if you both really love each other the relationship can survive, I know some do break up, and i ain't denying it is hard, but it is possible. Don't be so quick to throw the towel in.

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