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Do I Come Out As Gay? watch

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    Hi there!

    I'm a 16, almost 17, year old girl.

    I've known I was gay long before I even knew of those words. I attached a label to myself in Year 9 after years of denial.

    I come from a conservative town, did very well in my GCSE's and my life is largely going to plan. Except for this.

    Inside I feel like I'm falling apart, I'm keeping this huge secret under lock and key and trust me it eats me alive.

    My family are homophobic and so are some of my friends. I could never tell my family about this, but I'm hoping a couple of people at school might understand.

    The pressure is on to get a boyfriend. When a guy at school liked me and EVERYONE (including teachers) was pressuring me to date him I went home and cried. I wanted nothing more than to like that boy. I just couldn't.

    I feel a resentment growing inside me that I have to keep pretending. Making up crushes, excuses, and endless lies to keep people off of my trail.

    It's so exhausting. I'm exhausted and this secret is getting harder to keep. I value my safety though and know that being honest might undermine it.

    Do I tell a teacher at school? Do I tell my friends? Do I keep holding this secret? And for how long?

    I want opinions because I know right now irrationality isn't the answer, I need honest perspectives.

    Sorry this is so long. Thank you for reading.
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    (Original post by fall-out-girl)
    Hi there!

    I'm a 16, almost 17, year old girl.

    I've known I was gay long before I even knew of those words. I attached a label to myself in Year 9 after years of denial.

    I come from a conservative town, did very well in my GCSE's and apart from stress at my life is largely going to plan. Except for this.

    Inside I feel like I'm falling apart, I'm keeping this huge secret under lock and key and trust me it eats me alive.

    My family are homophobic and so are some of my friends. I could never tell my family about this, but I'm hoping a couple of people at school might understand.

    The pressure is on to get a boyfriend. When a guy at school liked me and EVERYONE (including teachers) was pressuring me to date him I went home and cried. I wanted nothing more than to like that boy. I just couldn't.

    I feel a resentment growing inside me that I have to keep pretending. Making up crushes, excuses, and endless lies to keep people off of my trail.

    It's so exhausting. I'm exhausted and this secret is getting harder to keep. I value my safety though and know that being honest might undermine it.

    Do I tell a teacher at school? Do I tell my friends? Do I keep holding this secret? And for how long?

    I want opinions because I know right now irrationality isn't the answer, I need honest perspectives.

    Sorry this is so long. Thank you for reading.
    Don't worry, It isn't long .

    From this, I understand that you just want to tell someone this secret, even though your community is quite homophobic.
    Here is a summary of what you could/should do:

    Your parents/family. Just tell them when you are about to leave for uni. Gives them time to process. By the time you leave. You will understand their decision and it gives them a lesser chance of disownage

    Your friends: Probably the safest people to tell. If you know a non-homophobic one who is trustworthy you must tell them. It would be a nice test for friendship

    Your teachers: I definitely wouldn't tell them any secret. though if you can tell a counsellor/ student psychologist then you could be more relieved.

    Hope this helped
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    you poor thing, i feel for you. although i cannot relate.

    it can feel pressuring in a school environmet, but trust me, it's not a big deal. Of course parents will see it that way if they aren't gay themselves, they won't know any better especially in the environment they grew up in, it was not common or explained to them.

    perhaps talk to a school counseler (however you spell that word) - if they have one - and if they don't, ask your doctor to refer to you one - it should be free and your parents or anyone does not have to know about it.

    But know this - you don't have to announce to the world anything - you can just choose to be how you want to be - only in school it seems like you have to openly tell people - its a nasty environment (sometimes).

    Too many gay friends and non-friends of mine in school suffered from this because kids just don't understand, so they hid it, and never told anyone - and its so easy to make fun of someone slightly different - its just the way it is right now.

    Make new friends, outside school. Do it earlier rather than later. I was in brighton university so people there are so understanding no matter what you are, how you dress even, let alone sexuality. but I know some places are not like that.

    sorry if i cannot be much more help. I stll suggest talk to a counseler as it will help you think clearly and not worry as much. and no, you don't need to follow other people's standards or be forced to like any boy or anyone. if i was you tho, i won't care to tell the school what i am, as if they arent understanding, they arent even worth knowing. (hope that makes sense).
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    I can totally understand the strong urge to come out. The feeling that you're living a lie, even by omission. But only come out if it is safe for you to do so - and that's emotionally as well as physically.

    If you do tell someone, don't allow them to pressure you to come out to anyone else before you feel ready. I did and although I felt relief at the time, I regret the way I did it and the way I let someone push me into something I didn't want to do 6 years later.
 
 
 
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