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Really struggling to make freinds watch

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    Hi, as the title says, I am struggling to make friends. Basically I have been here almost 5 weeks and I have not met one friend, most of the time I just go back to my apartment and eat dinner/revise.

    There was a party for the class at the start of the year but I had to be at a meeting so unfortunately I didn't get to go to the party. I really, really regret not going to this party as most of the people in my lectures seem to have met there. As my class is fairly small I know people's faces at this stage but this is about all.

    I think a lot of them are already friends at this stage as they're always talking about their nights out and future events. I don't really know how they know each other that well unless they are flatmates. I have only seen one of my classmates in this area so perhaps that is the case.

    Anyway, they don't seem to be that interested in getting to know me AT ALL. Some of them, over the whole 5 week period I have not spoken to once. I only know 2 or 3 people's names or to speak to. I can't help but feel excluded when they are talking about going to clubs with one another, I mean they barely know each other so why not ask me?

    We were supposed to do group work but I ended up working with someone a lot older than me because they arranged their groups behind the scene. This really got on my nerves because I thought it would've been an opportunity for me to meet them, how am I supposed to meet them when they don't want to work with me? Really, the teacher should've just organised the groups, it would've split up people who came together.

    To be honest, I go to two societies on a weekly basis and so far that has not worked either.

    All I want is someone to hang around with every so often or to sit beside in class. I'm not asking for someone to be around me 24/7 because I do need my space to study and relax. I don't know what I can do to help the situation, It's starting to stress me out, I thought would at least know the people's names by the fifth week! It's really worrying me that they haven't bothered to speak to me, they don't seem to be interested! Infact, sometimes, I wonder if one of them said something negative about me.
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    Which university do you go to? Perhaps someone on the forum who goes to the same uni will be able to advise you on places you could go to meet new people
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    Do you appear approachable? Work on that. Also, don't give up. Maybe sit next to different people during your lectures, preferably persons that appear to be sitting by themselves?
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    I probably don't appear approachable no, but at the same time they haven't bothered to come to me so why should I bother? It just makes it so awkward when they don't bother! Plus I keep thinking that someone has said something about me, isn't it a bit odd that barely anyone has spoken to me in the whole five weeks I've been here out of that class?

    I always sit beside different people at the lectures but there are so many people in the lectures that I never end up sitting beside the same people!
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    (Original post by thecatwithnohat)
    Which university do you go to? Perhaps someone on the forum who goes to the same uni will be able to advise you on places you could go to meet new people
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Do you appear approachable? Work on that. Also, don't give up. Maybe sit next to different people during your lectures, preferably persons that appear to be sitting by themselves?
    That's a good idea but the Uni I go to, many people know each other like they go off campus together and live by each other, because it's a local college. I'm not talking college like 6th form by the way. So there would be classes where a whole row of people know each other and come in/leave together random times during the class acting important, really annoying but yea. So it might be hard to insert yourself into [probably long] already formed groups. How I make friends is I'm the one who gets sat next to and talked to, and I talk back so perhaps if OP is outgoing they could do that.
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    Maggie that's the way I think my class is. There's even a few couples in the class.

    It makes it hard for me to approach them. I think a lot of the intake for my class is local which I didn't expect, anyway I think from the start the teacher should've arranged the groups herself and split up the couples/friends because it just makes it harder for the rest of us.
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    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    Hi, as the title says, I am struggling to make friends. Basically I have been here almost 5 weeks and I have not met one friend, most of the time I just go back to my apartment and eat dinner/revise.

    There was a party for the class at the start of the year but I had to be at a meeting so unfortunately I didn't get to go to the party. I really, really regret not going to this party as most of the people in my lectures seem to have met there. As my class is fairly small I know people's faces at this stage but this is about all.

    I think a lot of them are already friends at this stage as they're always talking about their nights out and future events. I don't really know how they know each other that well unless they are flatmates. I have only seen one of my classmates in this area so perhaps that is the case.

    Anyway, they don't seem to be that interested in getting to know me AT ALL. Some of them, over the whole 5 week period I have not spoken to once. I only know 2 or 3 people's names or to speak to. I can't help but feel excluded when they are talking about going to clubs with one another, I mean they barely know each other so why not ask me?

    We were supposed to do group work but I ended up working with someone a lot older than me because they arranged their groups behind the scene. This really got on my nerves because I thought it would've been an opportunity for me to meet them, how am I supposed to meet them when they don't want to work with me? Really, the teacher should've just organised the groups, it would've split up people who came together.

    To be honest, I go to two societies on a weekly basis and so far that has not worked either.

    All I want is someone to hang around with every so often or to sit beside in class. I'm not asking for someone to be around me 24/7 because I do need my space to study and relax. I don't know what I can do to help the situation, It's starting to stress me out, I thought would at least know the people's names by the fifth week! It's really worrying me that they haven't bothered to speak to me, they don't seem to be interested! Infact, sometimes, I wonder if one of them said something negative about me.
    did you feel there was something negative about you in college if so that may be the case. I know a girl who looks really intimidating and *****y but she's actually nicer than most people
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    Sounds to me like you've possibly missed the boat a little bit (not permamently though).

    From what you've said, it doesn't sound malicious to me. Whether a lot of them know each other outside of the class, who knows. But over the past 5 weeks people will have grouped up naturally and now its got to the point where those groups are fairly established and they aren't actively looking to get more people into the group. This isn't a deliberate thing, but the start of uni is a bit of a dash to get ingratiated into a social circle and once that pressue is off (once you're in one) then people will not be actively finding people to befriend. This doesn't mean that they aren't open to having people join them however.

    Unfortunately it isn't the teacher's job to facilitate this, it possibly just feels unfair because you've been left out of the process a bit. Likewise, it isn't that your classmates don't want to get to know you, it's that they have a group of friends so aren't motivated to include you specifically. It's very unlikely to be a personal thing.

    When you sit next to different people, who are they sat with? I mean, is everyone in their own small groups or are there various people sat alone? How easy is it to join in their conversations?

    If there are a few other people who seem to be on the outside a bit, you could try pulling them together, sit next to one and chat and make sure you sit with them next time. You could also suggest working together on a piece of work/revision/studying/next project etc.

    The harder option is introducing yourself into an existing group. You essentially need an 'in' - i.e. group work in lectures, another class party, to be sat next to a particularly approachable person. You then secure an invite to the next group thing (could simply be coffee after the lecture) and go from there.
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    Well now i'm in an even more uncomfortable position. I have a practical tomorrow and I've just been told I HAVE to get in groups for it! I really can't stand working in groups!

    It is going to make me uncomfortable again because as they did in the previous task they will once again go behind the scenes and arrange the groups so now I will be left looking like an idiot having to go around asking people can I work in their group? I know it's not the teacher's job to put us in groups but they could at least help, especially when we don't know each other.

    IDK, it just makes me uncomfortable asking people.
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    Don't worry. More people than you think are in the same situation as you are. What you need to do is be more approachable and maybe people will ask you. You won't need to ask them if you look approachable and not uncomfortable because they will ask you.
    You will be ok, trust me
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    What you're not getting is that most of the people in my seminars already know eachother so they're not likely to ask me.
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    Don't be so quick to think they won't. Who knows, they might ask you. And if not, the teacher will put you in a group and you can be kind and considerate and maybe you won't have to feel awkward anymore as they might want you in the group
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    Just back again from my week home. I've started to notice, almost immediately the reserved behaviour of English people. I really don't know what way to take it? I can't think why these people would take a dislike to me.

    No smiling, no hello's or anything like that - they basically avoid all social contact with strangers, if we ask a question down the street they either: don't know or give us a weird look like we are odd for asking directions.

    What do English people do to make friends? Do most people in England not have friends? I'm not used to this cold attitude towards strangers.
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    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    I probably don't appear approachable no, but at the same time they haven't bothered to come to me so why should I bother? It just makes it so awkward when they don't bother! Plus I keep thinking that someone has said something about me, isn't it a bit odd that barely anyone has spoken to me in the whole five weeks I've been here out of that class?

    I always sit beside different people at the lectures but there are so many people in the lectures that I never end up sitting beside the same people!
    It works both ways imo.
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    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    Just back again from my week home. I've started to notice, almost immediately the reserved behaviour of English people. I really don't know what way to take it? I can't think why these people would take a dislike to me.

    No smiling, no hello's or anything like that - they basically avoid all social contact with strangers, if we ask a question down the street they either: don't know or give us a weird look like we are odd for asking directions.

    What do English people do to make friends? Do most people in England not have friends? I'm not used to this cold attitude towards strangers.
    Here in the UK it is rude to approach in the street, on the bus, etc. Only do it in places deemed appropriate e.g. pubs or sports clubs. Or become a volunteer

    (approaching just to ask for directions should be OK but the younger folks would think you're weird for not using the GPS on your phone or something :|)
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    The ironic thing is that most of the people that I approach for directions haven't a clue.
 
 
 
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