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Moving to be with partner proving hard on my confidence/self esteem. advice needed? watch

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    #1

    Hi,

    I'm soon to move across the country to be with my fiancee so we can now live together; we met at uni and fell in love (all the rest of that jazz), and I live about 150 miles across the country. Its been on the cards for a while for me to move over to where she lives; she lives nearby to a major UK city with tons of job prospects for graduates and the like.

    I've had issues applying for jobs in my discipline because I lack experience; so applying for any job (fast food, retail/hotel work; which i've experienced pre & post student days!).

    But one thing which is overwhelming is (not only the move itself, bills and finances), it is also the culture of the area, the accent, and me sticking out like a sore thumb. I love my partner so much, but I don't feel 'myself' living in this area of the country. I always fancied myself living the fast high life in the city (or nearby to one as is this case), but actually I really miss home. Problem is, all of the opportunities are here not where I was living.

    I miss the relaxing atmosphere, the green grass, the countryside, the friendly mannered people (not that they aint here). I've had people snigger at me scornfully on buses, people stare and judge me. Which makes me more anxious. I am very kind of an anxious guy with mental health issues as it is. Just recently, I had a on job evaluation thingy, and I panicked like **** I don't think I got the job. They didn't exactly hide their disdain.

    I'm starting to feel the world is closing in on me. Everything I imagined I could be, I can't because of my confidence, social anxiety and not feeling 'at peace' here.

    tl:dr:

    1. Social anxiety and low confidence is getting more intense to deal with.

    2. Soon to move across country to be with fiancee- house moving stress, financial, struggling to afford things.

    3. Couldn't get a job in my field (lack of exp), so settled for fast food work

    4. feel like I don't fit in here- I have a different accent, come from a countryside area- people can be really rude/ignorant here.


    5. I'm not a city lad at heart. Lived in villages/small towns all my life; and its suffocating to live here.

    6. People stare at me like they know I aint from here....whether it be body language or accent or anything other.


    7. feeling unwell right now...I have a therapist back home, and have had access to doctors in my area, but im about to move
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    Have you talked this through with her to explain how you feel? Because that can really help. You also need to consider if this is the best thing for you - if it affects you that much, maybe you should consider moving back home
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    Have you talked this through with her to explain how you feel? Because that can really help. You also need to consider if this is the best thing for you - if it affects you that much, maybe you should consider moving back home
    No I haven't explained this to her properly, because she's just moved down and has a tenancy agreement with the house. It's just her and her friend:- but she is only one paying bills.

    I kinda of always react like this to change, particularly change of environment. I always have these ambitions of moving out, becoming independent; then when it happens I just can't cope (psychologically). I mean, I ain't a mummy's boy (well guess I am), I just miss familiarity. Heaven knows what I'll do when my mother goes....

    Meanwhile, I am struggling to cope with feeling down. Only people I know here are the in-laws, fiancees best mate, and her associates. They are very kind of 'one-way', they'll converse with me, but they aren't really listening to me. Its like having a one way conversation. I mean they are nice enough, just not really listening to my points (very selfish in that sense). I, always try to kind of respond in a way that shows I have understood and acknowledged. But I don't feel they do.

    I also know my partner would pick them over me. Her brother (of course) and her best mate. I feel a bit left out, isolated and kind of like I'm nobody's first choice.

    A bit like my best mate, he has this other friend whom he is closer to than me, and has known longer; whilst this is acceptable and okay and fair. I feel I don't have 'a person' for me. I've never shared a connection with someone on an 'exclusive' friendship basis. Always been sort of second fiddle to others.

    Not trying to be the victim too much here, but I've been through a lot, and people have always tried to inflict their problems and make out they've had it harder. Yet, I never actually go into detail with people about the issues I've had in my life. I just let others witter on and take the limelight.

    Sorry having a lot of psychological issues recently.
 
 
 
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