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I am deliberately seeking a woman older and less fertile, is this weird? watch

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    I'm even regarded as attractive. I hate and fear the idea of having a child and the responsibilities, what with the future of the world. People seem to see me s running out of time, or that I must hurry up and get a woman young enough and have a kid(I'm 34)..but I just want a woman not likely to have one. Most women want kids. What I most want is companionship, I've had empty things but I want meaning, a companion and love, all that, not the shallowness the world offers, but I want to prevent a kid, to find, love support, and the common goal of a sexual relationship, with pleasure, where we (however) make sure we don't make a kid. Where we support each others goals and help each other get to them(I think two people who relate supporting each other is much better than me just living my life alone in this regard, it's lonley and sometimes makes motivation hard) So is this so weird?

    It seems on the one level, we are an atomized society with no real emotion or connections, relationships that are enriching are hard to find, and on the other hand, some women just see men in terms of status, money, and wanting a child and the resources to raise one. Doesn't seem like romance or deep connection with a guy comes into it. They just want resources and kids and yet seem blind to the fact that the world is quite emotionally devoid besides this. It's almost like a neediness they cover up with lack of concenr, or like we as a society deny emotion or deeper needs. But surely a better way to fiill your life is a relationship of real substance, and connection that enriches your life, rather than just seeking money and resources and child rearing with someone who 'ticks boxes' it's so soulless. I know I'd much rather have mental stimulation, a companion, a deep relationship and helping each other through life's ups and downs, and achieving goals and dreams, than seeing reproduction as the sole goal, regardless of the quality of your relationship, how much you want that person and you get each other, and all other facets to life (especially given how much of the world is based on,and for how many years you are expected to use, contraception)

    I'd love to know if there's any women especially on here, who'd want a guy like this, in theory, or who get what I mean at all.
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    I understand you, and a rising number of women nowadays don't want kids, so you're likely to find someone who shares your viewpoint
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I understand you, and a rising number of women nowadays don't want kids, so you're likely to find someone who shares your viewpoint
    Thanks. It might be a false dichotomy, but if I found a relationship that bucked a social trend, that was sincere, and had depth and connection and was more sustaining than just a sex thing or a curiosity, that was about what we both wanted in life and alleviated the shallownesss in the world. then I'd much rather have that than a kid with the wrong person, or a never ending responsibility to a kid. I also have reservations about putting a child into a very problematic future, where if they are quite feeling and deep they will have problems, not being arrogant but there is a lot of stupidity about and society is getting dehumanized in many ways. It could be a thankless task having a kid, whereas working on making a difference or your ambitions as a couple, (not to mention I have a niece and nephew as family too and so would she probably), could be plenty fulfilling.
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    It's not weird. I can't have children. There are women out there in my situation. or rather, also don't want children.
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    It's not weird. I can't have children. There are women out there in my situation. or rather, also don't want children.
    I currently have a much younger woman fancying me, but I don't like the feel of it. If we were the same age we probably have good chemistry, but I don't even want it, i'm distancing myself-yeah some guys would jump at the chance of a 20yrold blonde, but I'm like whatever. Couldn't care less because her fertiltiy is for nothing as far as I'm concerned. And don;t want to be like 15yrs ahead of her in what we've experienced, popular culture we like etc. I've always felt more comfortable with a woman slightly more authoritative, older and experienced in life relative to me, and maybe even (mildly) nurturing and maternal, only in a way that the age naturally confers on it. On a mental and companionship level too. I suppose as get to be in my 40's and 50's, that might change as women older than me get less interesting, but even if I then go for a younger woman and even if I look young(told I look younger than my age) but even then I think I'd go for women 30-40.
    • #2
    #2

    OP, you might well have taken the words out of my mouth. I feel very much the same way. A family of two (she and me) is enough for me. Otherwise I'm lone-wolfing it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OP, you might well have taken the words out of my mouth. I feel very much the same way. A family of two (she and me) is enough for me. Otherwise I'm lone-wolfing it.
    I salute you compadre. Muchos respeto.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    some women just see men in terms of status, money, and wanting a child and the resources to raise one. Doesn't seem like romance or deep connection with a guy comes into it. They just want resources and kids and yet seem blind to the fact that the world is quite emotionally devoid besides this. It's almost like a neediness they cover up with lack of concenr, or like we as a society deny emotion or deeper needs. But surely a better way to fiill your life is a relationship of real substance, and connection that enriches your life, rather than just seeking money and resources and child rearing with someone who 'ticks boxes' it's so soulless. I know I'd much rather have mental stimulation, a companion, a deep relationship and helping each other through life's ups and downs, and achieving goals and dreams, than seeing reproduction as the sole goal, regardless of the quality of your relationship, how much you want that person and you get each other, and all other facets to life (especially given how much of the world is based on,and for how many years you are expected to use, contraception)
    I think you have to acknowledge the reality that for many people, their instinct to reproduce is just going to override all else. That's fine for them if they want to do that - although I think we have to address the fact that there aren't enough resources in the world for everyone to have as many children as they'd like - but I agree it does make it very hard to navigate through life's waters when you know yourself well enough to be confident that you just can't adopt that mentality as the guide for your own life.

    Perhaps my philosophy is no better than women who think most men are potentially going to rape them until proven otherwise, but I'm afraid I think most women are potentially looking to trap a man into providing for their desires (marriage, children, home), with little or no regard for any deeper aspects of a relationship, until proven otherwise. The better part of my nature tells me it's not that straightforward (and, God, I hope it's not), but it's hardly unreasonable for men to fear the possibility of encountering women who want to manipulate them into being a sperm donor and a wallet, since, let's face out, there are a lot of those types of women out there.

    I guess what I'm saying is, yes, I acknowledge that there are some women who are looking for the same as I am (a partnership that doesn't involve children), but they're probably outnumbered by the ones who do want children, and how do you tell one from the other? Unfortunately, my biological instincts don't confine me to being physically attracted to only the ones with no aspirations to have children (if only it were that way), so my brain is being constantly flooded by instinctive drives towards women who aren't remotely suited to me (and furthermore many of them aren't attracted to me anyway, but that's another frustration of its own).

    I remember a few years ago I was working with a guy (at or near age 50) who I got to know quite well. He was basically trapped - by a marriage, mortgage and kids - into doing a job for the rest of his life he didn't really have any passion for. His wife was basically content to be a mother, and he told me one day that in his view, "she's had the life she wanted and I haven't." Now, admittedly, I only got his side of the story, and there's also the possibility that ultimately he might be happier with his life than he acknowledged (if he was offered a chance to swap his life for that of a single man free to pursue his own ambitions, would he take it?). What he said, however, really haunted me. I just dread spending the last of my years on this earth (which I hope will be when I'm old) regretting what I did with my life, and I know that would be the likely outcome if I just surrendered to the pressure that life puts on you to just have children like everyone else. There's just no way I'd be able to pursue the things I want to do in that case.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    since, let's face it
    (Posting anon so can't edit my previous post.)
 
 
 
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