Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So I have just accepted a **** job thanks to being rejected by most interviews and trust me i have experienced this due to my headscarf (I have a degree and a lot of experience on my cv). The reason I wear the headscarf is because I am forced to. I cant take it off because I have family members in every single spot in England and my parents would disown me if I took it off because they love an imaginary god more than me. On top of that they keep pressuring me to marry this guy who isnt even my type and is from the same culture as me and tribe(bet we're flipping related and we dont know it). Anyways I came home to my dad is complaining about me not praying and i turned around and said ''should I pray to Allah and thank him for being depressed and having a **** job and life'' and my dad said he wouldnt care if I got hit by a car for saying that(my mum was annoyed he said this, shes more normal but brain washed by Islam too). My point is, should I see a therapist? These people sit home doing nothing but praying to god who does not answer any of their prayers. On top of that, they force their religion on me. I would love to move out(my job doesnt pay enough to rent alone) and take off my headscarf and just live my one life in peace. I wouldnt care if I cut contact with my dad because he doesnt care about me except for the sake of his religion. I also think there is a risk that I could be bullied and possibly hurt if I was to say ''run away and do my own thing". How do i get around this?
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Hey hun,
    I am not sure how old you're but remember as soon as you are 18, you can move out and do whatever you want and don't have to keep in contact with ANY of your parents if you don't want to. What your parents are doing to you is straight up abuse, you should not be forced to wear a hijab if you don't want to. If it keeps getting worse, keep in contact with your school and explain your situation with them, they might be able to help you. Everything will eventually get better soon.

    Lots of love xx
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    it seems if you want to appease your parents, the only ticket to "freedom" is marriage, but is there any way you can convince them to marry someone you suggest?

    in the end it's going to boil down to this- lead the miserable life your parents want for you,
    or- do the bold thing and have courage to live for yourself,

    clearly their love for religion supersedes their love for you, so why should you put them first?

    good luck and it's a really horrible situation
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Why not just whip it off on the way to your interviews? As has been said above, as soon as you're eighteen (you have a degree so you must be in your twenties?) you can leave home and start your own life. I'm guessing you don't really wanna live in the islamic "community" if you have that attitude toward the religion and culture, so what are you hanging on for?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    This forced marriage crap is purely cultural has nothing to do with islam , it's a pity when culture takes control and this happens. It appears your dad is more interested in just getting you married , rather than what you want and from what i can tell , he is not worth being in your life. I'd say move away from your parents to get some space. Btw , if you dont want to wear a headscarf and dont care , then there is no value in you wearing it
    • #2
    #2

    I'm not an expert but there is alot more to life than a job.
    Also mariage is a mutual relationship in every religion I know of so do not marry someone you hate.
    I also think you should explore religion on your own terms, read and so on and make your own desicion not based on anything, start neutral.

    And I bet a lot of people love you, including everyone on the studentroom. Go to a therpaist or occupational therapist if you think it will help.

    Maybe join charity work? That'll help probably.
    I hope you find happiness.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    That sounds like some crazy helicopter parenting. My sister wears her hijab on and off and my dad doesn't really care.

    Honestly, go see a therapist.

    Also, and I realise it might not be popular, try not to be so anti-Islam around your parents. It'll probably help get your dad off your back if you read (or pretend to read) namaaz.

    As for the retarded forced marriage thing, I'd probably try talk it off. Maybe talk about how you need to earn some money or get a better job before you can even think about marriage.

    Final note, don't get yourself stuck in this dead end. You've resigned yourself to this crap job, when in reality no one's limit is that low. You can get where you want to be with work, and putting artificial limits on yourself isn't going to help you out.

    Take care, love.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    your interview skills and first impressions matter a lot. Try practising with someone? build your confidence? and continue applying for jobs, good luck. x
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    First thing I suggest, take off your headscarf on the way to interviews, get any extra qualifications or go on courses which will ensure you get a higher paid job. This is not impossible, do not give up.

    Secondly, save up enough money and move out and rent a flat, preferably in a diffeferent town, but close enough to commute to your job. Do you have any friends who you could house share with? Or if not, you can enter into houshares with people of similar ages to you, saves money and will mean that you're not lonely.

    Then, once you're independent, you can choose how you live your life, and on what terms you speak to your parents. If they're accepting, you let them in, if they're not, then refuse contact.

    I know this probably sounds scary, but your life will only improve once you manage to sort out these issues which are causing you such stress. Life is too short to waste it being unhappy, in 3 years time you'll be 3 years older. Would you rather still be living at home, possibly in an unhappy marriage, or be independent and living life the way that makes you happy?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 22, 2015
Poll
“Yanny” or “Laurel”
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.