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'Banter' annoys me. Is it my problem or my friend's? watch

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    Banter, in this context, means taking the piss out of someone for a laugh.

    I have a lot of queries about how I feel about this so this might be quite a long post. Please read through it and reply to what you can.

    Why do people find it funny to mock you? For example, if you was playing football with some mates and you trip up, is that funny? Perhaps. I could give that some leeway. But if it continues to be a topic amongst your group of friends that is used to ridicule you, is that funny? Personally, I don't think it is.

    What if the topic that is being mocked is or could be true? For example, if you get dumped by your girlfriend and tell your mates, then a week later they lay into you about it. They can say anything from your willy is too small or she cheated on you or whatever in a relentless fashion. One of those jokes could actually be true and that would mean that you are joking about something that could have caused me to be upset.

    Also, expanding on the point example I made above, if you raise the issue you have with your friends making jokes about you splitting up with your girlfriend, you could either be open to more ridicule or they stop and respect you. Let's assume that they stop making jokes about you and your girlfriend. Does this mean they will stop mocking you for everything? Probably not. In this case, do they respect you?...Is it my fault for being touchy or their fault for being insensitive.

    Why do people mock as a form of humour? Is it because they have insecurities, self confidence issues or self esteem issues? Is it because you have those issues? If someone constantly puts you down for their pleasure, is it your fault for being open to ridicule because you have feelings or is it their fault for having some kind of emptiness in their life or they are plainly stupid, they are not intelligent enough to realize what they are doing?

    I've been going through blog posts and random articles about slighting (the event of being offended by someone's actions). In the comments, most people say that if you cannot take a joke then you are boring, you have no sense of humour and noone will like to hang out with you. This type of comment puzzles me. I have a great sense of humour. I love stand up comedy. I am seen as a funny and witty person by some of my friends. I just don't understand why taking the piss out of someone is enjoyable, especially if they subject could potentially be a sensitive one for the recipient. The funny think is that your friends won't engage in such communications with you unless you're a friend. To do it to a stranger is to ask to get punched in the face. Yet, it's only banter right? Why should I allow my friends to insult me if I won't let a stranger insult me?

    If you have to mock people to get people to laugh or make yourself laugh, what does that mean? Does that mean you are not smart enough to engage in other forms of humour? Does it mean that you do not care about the other person's feelings? Does it mean that you have a better sense of humour than someone that is offended by what you say?

    When a banterish joke is made and I determine it has malicious intent but the perpetrator uses the 'banter' disclaimer, it annoys me. I know that the perpetrator intentionally seeks topics that I or other people will find humorous which are normally negative on a society wide basis. For example, they cannot mock me for being good at Maths. In fact, I get mocked for making simple addition errors. This is why I find it malicious because I am proud of my mathematical skills and it annoys me when I am challenged on it. I often wonder, if I wasn't annoyed by it, would my friend still do it. Probably, the humour is not reliant on my reaction. If it is funny to the perpetrator then it is funny. Obviously, I can't react too aggressively because that would leave me to experience more ridicule. It's a vicious circle. If I remove that topic from the acceptable banter topics, I will seem like a killjoy.

    I know it sounds petty to be concerned or proud about my mathematics skills to the extent of being offended but then what's the point. If you have friends that try to insult you at every opportunity and not let things go, what do you do? If I dish it out, I know it will lead to conflict so I don't. If I ignore it, they will do it for the rest of my life. If I address it, we could cease to be friends.

    I just do not understand how it is funny and tbh my friend wouldn't like it if I did it to the level they do. It would turn into fights because I am quite vengeful and will really go for the juglar. Nothing will be off the table. Mums, grandmas everything. Maybe that is the only way to make them realize that what they do is actually bad. You don't do it to strangers. You shouldn't enjoy belittling people. How the hell does that make sense?

    Being disrespectful and spiteful to your friends should be the last thing you want to do.

    Is it a healthy relationship if you all mock each other???

    Is it my problem or my friends'?
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    This is just my opinion, so feel free to roast me.

    But yeah. banter is inevitable wherever you go, just don't dwell on it, grow some thick skin and see the funny side of life.

    I personally have such a high tolerance level so even the worst of things hardly effects me.

    I understand some people can't handle it well and reading your post you seem like that kind of person - so your only course of action is to let people know it's annoying you or try and handle it.
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    Too long. I'd rather watch a cat play with yawn than read this
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    (Original post by Anonynmous)
    This is just my opinion, so feel free to roast me.

    But yeah. banter is inevitable wherever you go, just don't dwell on it, grow some thick skin and see the funny side of life.

    I personally have such a high tolerance level so even the worst of things hardly effects me.

    I understand some people can't handle it well and reading your post you seem like that kind of person - so your only course of action is to let people know it's annoying you or try and handle it.
    But why is it funny? I need to understand. It doesn't make sense. Why should I accept it from my friends if I wouldn't accept it from a stranger?
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    Mate you seriously need to lighten up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But why is it funny? I need to understand. It doesn't make sense. Why should I accept it from my friends if I wouldn't accept it from a stranger?
    Because you wouldn't accept it from a stranger??? So have a laugh with your mates???
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But why is it funny? I need to understand. It doesn't make sense. Why should I accept it from my friends if I wouldn't accept it from a stranger?
    It's funny because you're making humor out of little things you see in people to provoke a reaction.

    Well, your friends wouldn't say it in a malicious way, otherwise they're not your friends whereas when a stranger says it, you have no idea what their intentions are.
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    (Original post by Maggie_O)
    Because you wouldn't accept it from a stranger??? So have a laugh with your mates???
    Lol I take **** from strangers, it really is not that deep.

    Seriously people need to lighten up here.
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    (Original post by Pimped Butterfly)
    Mate you seriously need to lighten up.
    Finally some rationality.
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    OP sounds like someone racked a joke at his expense he really didn't like.

    'Banter' is inevitable. And what is also inevitable is banter that will upset you on occasion. There's no way to get round these facts.

    Now if it's constant and quite vicious it's really bullying. I had an issue where I was constantly on the receiving end of jokes from a couple of mates, eventually I said this isn't going on anymore and it was quite upsetting me, that it was constant and they seemed to be specifically targeting me over everyone else and that they either tone it down or I'll stop hanging out and going to events. They actually apologised and seemed quite genuine about it.

    I still received banter, sometimes they even give me banter about me confronting them about it, but it's currently so much better than it was. At the end of the day it's best to give back as much as you can in relation to how much banter they give you, and if it oversteps the mark make them aware.
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    Tbh its mostly boring people that make fun of others for a laugh because they cant think of much else to say. Funny people can actually joke around and be creative.
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    I don't have a problem with Banter, what I do have is people who take it too far or don't stop and then when you actually fall back and say "It's just banter, calm down".
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    My sister once said to me banter can only happen in an office. My family and I could not stop laughing haha.

    Banter within friends and family is what separates them from strangers. Because we are close with them to know that whatever they say they don't mean it seriously and they make light of the situation. With friends we are always insulting each other and its a laugh but we the line where we need to stop. You just gotta know where that line is.
    Banter is hilarious. One of my fave forms of humour.
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    (Original post by Maggie_O)
    Because you wouldn't accept it from a stranger??? So have a laugh with your mates???
    So it's acceptable for your friends to think of you as an object of ridicule? In order to do so they have to find issues that annoy you. In order to do that they have to forgo the act of being a friend.

    There are too many double standards. If I indulge in 'banter' I could easily offend them but they don't say they are offended. Instead they go further. Then this could easily turn into a fight and are you suggesting fighting your friends is a laugh? No.

    If you can't make people laugh without ridiculing a friend, you're dumb.

    If you don't care about your friend, you ridicule them for cheap laughs.

    That's facts. Undeniable.

    Two wrongs don't make a right. If I'm wronged, I shouldn't have to try and wrong you but thats the social construct here. You insult me. I can't be offended. I just have to dish it out. Noone says they are offended and if they do it leads to a conflict.
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    Stop being a cry baby and man up!
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    (Original post by SophisticatedSir)
    I don't have a problem with Banter, what I do have is people who take it too far or don't stop and then when you actually fall back and say "It's just banter, calm down".
    What do you do then mate? Explain.

    They can drag it on forever. I've stopped laughing. But it continues or they go to a touchy subject like your mum. When someone talks about my mum, it's on.

    At the end of the day, banter stems from a process of treating you like you're nothing. You can't ridicule someone you respect. But you can still have a laugh with them. There are other ways to be humorous.

    Even the calm down, it's only banter thing can be seen as you're too sensitive. Why do you feel offended? We are only joking even-though the joke is you. You are the joke. They are making a mockery of you for their pleasure. It's as simple as that. There aren't two ways about it.
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    (Original post by Anonynmous)
    It's funny because you're making humor out of little things you see in people to provoke a reaction.

    Well, your friends wouldn't say it in a malicious way, otherwise they're not your friends whereas when a stranger says it, you have no idea what their intentions are.
    So the aim is to annoy you. No-one can withstand that for a long time. Prolonging the abuse is basically bullying. Maybe it's because I am conscious of what it means to carry out 'banter'. I know what I am doing if for example every-time I see a particular friend I bring up something that I know could be offensive or insulting. Imagine that. Every-time you see your friend you start the conversation with an insult and disregard what your friend says with an insult. Every-time. Relentlessly and it's reinforced by other friends laughing. How is that good or beneficial or funny? Please explain. I am completely mugging you off and if you say anything about it it's your issue not mine. lol what kind of **** is that? That means the friendship is a crap one. The majority of your interactions with each other are insults. He or she who has the best insult gets the most laughs but the best insults are the ones that go deep into your life. How is that funny?

    Anyway, I am going to go on the attack. We shall see what happens. I'm ready to knock out my friend if he complains. Any chance I get, I will get onto them about everything they do.

    OHHH and one more thing. It only happens in groups. You can't have that kind of banter one on one. It becomes to obvious and I know for a fact it will cause friction in the relationship. You need someone to laugh with you otherwise it can't be deemed as banter. This is a very important point. You can't deny that. If you are the only one laughing at your insulting jokes, it isn't funny.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    OHHH and one more thing. It only happens in groups. You can't have that kind of banter one on one. It becomes to obvious and I know for a fact it will cause friction in the relationship. You need someone to laugh with you otherwise it can't be deemed as banter. This is a very important point. You can't deny that. If you are the only one laughing at your insulting jokes, it isn't funny.
    I disagree. I have a friend who is extremely sarcastic. He has this lovely habit of ever so often of trying (it doesn't always work) to wind me up. I've not got a problem with it.

    If it annoys you, that's your problem.
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    What do you think you should do OP?
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    I disagree. I have a friend who is extremely sarcastic. He has this lovely habit of ever so often of trying (it doesn't always work) to wind me up. I've not got a problem with it.

    If it annoys you, that's your problem.
    Is he insulting you or just being sarcastic? There's a difference. Give me an example.
 
 
 
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