Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Drunk watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Okay, so im still having problems with my flat... but very simply my question now is.... in your opinion is using the excuse of being drunk an acceptable excuse for upsetting your flatmate to the point where they are struggling to think of reasons to stay at uni.... yes I am the one that has been upset, and I know that "words cant physically hurt you" as some people say.... but he started saying stuff like how no-one trusts me or wants me around, and that they want to be a family in the flat but don't want me involved, and that im not welcome to go clubbing with them at all... Im not the most confident person, and has taken me 5 weeks to just get to the point where im wanting to go out clubbing but this incident has completely ruined my confidence... as well as answering my question, I haven't spoken to any of my flat, they all know what happened but none have come forward to say they disagree with this person, he tried apologising and I woke up to 36 messages of him trying to apologise by using the fact that he was drunk as an excuse, am I being unreasonable that I am not speaking to my flatmates.

    I am tee-total so I may be being slightly harsh but I just want other opinions
    thanks
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Amck)
    X
    Hi there,

    Sorry that you've had this experience, it wouldn't be pleasant for anyone to go through and what he said was unacceptable, as well as confidence-knocking.

    I think the thing to remember here is that when people are drunk, they often don't mean what they say. Insomuch as they're trying to say one thing but their brain can't quite connect the dots - so things often come out a lot more blunt or negative than intended. That's not to say that what he said was alright - it wasn't. In addition to this, often when people are frustrated, they use 'we' instead of 'I', therefore it could well be just him thinking similarly to what he said.

    I think that making an effort to socialise with your flatmates would be the positive way to go on this, I think that holding a grudge and ignoring the guy who was drunk would be a negative thing to do. While what he said wasn't okay, there's no reason that you can't take the moral high ground, accept his apology and get on with things.

    One of the best things that I've found with friends who lack confidence, is that when they've taken 'the plunge' and forced themselves to be more confident, they wonder why it took them so long to do it. Similarly, however, if you need support then it's available from the university. Most universities have a confidential counsellor that you can talk to. This can help so much and I've used my counselling service before - they're brilliant, if only someone to talk to and explain things.

    I understand that the events of the drunk guy could make you feel like you want to leave university, I don't think that it's the answer.

    Let me know what you think.

    RF
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Hi there,

    Sorry that you've had this experience, it wouldn't be pleasant for anyone to go through and what he said was unacceptable, as well as confidence-knocking.

    I think the thing to remember here is that when people are drunk, they often don't mean what they say. Insomuch as they're trying to say one thing but their brain can't quite connect the dots - so things often come out a lot more blunt or negative than intended. That's not to say that what he said was alright - it wasn't. In addition to this, often when people are frustrated, they use 'we' instead of 'I', therefore it could well be just him thinking similarly to what he said.

    I think that making an effort to socialise with your flatmates would be the positive way to go on this, I think that holding a grudge and ignoring the guy who was drunk would be a negative thing to do. While what he said wasn't okay, there's no reason that you can't take the moral high ground, accept his apology and get on with things.

    One of the best things that I've found with friends who lack confidence, is that when they've taken 'the plunge' and forced themselves to be more confident, they wonder why it took them so long to do it. Similarly, however, if you need support then it's available from the university. Most universities have a confidential counsellor that you can talk to. This can help so much and I've used my counselling service before - they're brilliant, if only someone to talk to and explain things.

    I understand that the events of the drunk guy could make you feel like you want to leave university, I don't think that it's the answer.

    Let me know what you think.

    RF
    Thank you for that reply, I can see exactly where youre coming from with it, so thank you... I am still yet to accept his apology because this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened... its happened maybe 4 times in the past 5 weeks, and everytime he uses the fact that he was drunk as an excuse... so I have gotten massively fed up with it, and want to prove to him that being drunk is no longer an excuse to allow him to say whatever he wants... unfortunately because of the rest of my flat are pretty close because they all go clubbing ect together the only way I can effectively prove that drink isn't an excuse is by ignoring all of them. I had one person private message me because they could see what was happening to say that they don't think what he was saying was right, but they couldn't try and defend me because he was friends with this other guy

    I have tried socialising in the past with them but when everything they do revolves around drink and drinking games its no fun for me... this is the same reason why I don't go out with my sports teams either...

    I also warned this person 10 times!! to put his phone away before he says something he's going to regret, but he carried on saying that he wasn't going to ever regret anything he said....

    I don't drink so don't know this but do people let things slip out that maybe they wouldn't say when they are sober but its something they think anyway?
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Amck)
    X
    Hey again

    If I was in your situation, I'd probably sit down with the person who keeps giving you drunk grief 1-to-1 and explain that what he's doing isn't acceptable.

    I think that it might be a good idea to arrange something that doesn't involve alcohol. Maybe going out for a meal or something, bowling - these might be a good compromise as they can't get heavily drunk there but can still have one or two drinks, to the point where they're still bearable. Somewhere that you can chat and show them you're alright. It might be because you've been a bit withdrawn that they're reluctant to do much. There's a lot of politics when living with a number of others in halls, I've seen it all turn to **** before when someone pisses one or two people off. That's not a fun experience, I can assure you!

    I've definitely in the past got drunk enough to say something that didn't come out in the way I meant it. I've been there when this has happens to other people too. It's like your thoughts to speech filter is completely gone, but your brain can't actually reason with what is coming out of your mouth.

    So yeah - if you arrange something that doesn't involve drinking and also talk to matey with the not-so-smart drunk mouth, I think that you might be able to nip this **** storm in the bud.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Hey again

    If I was in your situation, I'd probably sit down with the person who keeps giving you drunk grief 1-to-1 and explain that what he's doing isn't acceptable.

    I think that it might be a good idea to arrange something that doesn't involve alcohol. Maybe going out for a meal or something, bowling - these might be a good compromise as they can't get heavily drunk there but can still have one or two drinks, to the point where they're still bearable. Somewhere that you can chat and show them you're alright. It might be because you've been a bit withdrawn that they're reluctant to do much. There's a lot of politics when living with a number of others in halls, I've seen it all turn to **** before when someone pisses one or two people off. That's not a fun experience, I can assure you!

    I've definitely in the past got drunk enough to say something that didn't come out in the way I meant it. I've been there when this has happens to other people too. It's like your thoughts to speech filter is completely gone, but your brain can't actually reason with what is coming out of your mouth.

    So yeah - if you arrange something that doesn't involve drinking and also talk to matey with the not-so-smart drunk mouth, I think that you might be able to nip this **** storm in the bud.
    Thank you, I have tried to organise stuff before but whats happened is that I say that ill be back from uni at xx:xx and we can go out when I get back but once I get back they've already gone and wont tell me where they've gone, so I do feel isolated....

    But I will try again to organise something
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Amck)
    Thank you, I have tried to organise stuff before but whats happened is that I say that ill be back from uni at xx:xx and we can go out when I get back but once I get back they've already gone and wont tell me where they've gone, so I do feel isolated....

    But I will try again to organise something
    If you try once more, try and get their input and make it a group thing. It gets everyone that bit more involved. If you say that you'd like to get to know everyone some more with this - then they might be more up for it. Bowling is usually a good team bonding thing to do.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    If you try once more, try and get their input and make it a group thing. It gets everyone that bit more involved. If you say that you'd like to get to know everyone some more with this - then they might be more up for it. Bowling is usually a good team bonding thing to do.
    the last thing I tried to organise was a group meal, with the 6 people from the other flat, so I told them i'd be back at 5pm, and I got back to them all eating, which is fair enough, but sod all food left for me...
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Amck)
    the last thing I tried to organise was a group meal, with the 6 people from the other flat, so I told them i'd be back at 5pm, and I got back to them all eating, which is fair enough, but sod all food left for me...
    Do a meal eating out and book the table.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Do a meal eating out and book the table.

    i'll try it one more time, uni does feel like, if you don't drink then you don't fit in really
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Amck)
    i'll try it one more time, uni does feel like, if you don't drink then you don't fit in really
    It really depends on who you end up with. For instance my sister ended up in a flat where she had nothing in common with her flatmates so has joined the flat a floor or two above for social occasions. It's pot luck.

    It seems like you've ended up in a hall of sports students, correct me if I'm wrong? They're known for the lad-ish behaviour and drinking. It's not uncommon for a few of them to be dicks either.

    If you keep doing what you're doing, and just try to avoid the drunk guy - then it'll only be for your first year. Have you got friends on your course?
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Hi there,

    Sorry that you've had this experience, it wouldn't be pleasant for anyone to go through and what he said was unacceptable, as well as confidence-knocking.

    I think the thing to remember here is that when people are drunk, they often don't mean what they say. Insomuch as they're trying to say one thing but their brain can't quite connect the dots - so things often come out a lot more blunt or negative than intended. That's not to say that what he said was alright - it wasn't. In addition to this, often when people are frustrated, they use 'we' instead of 'I', therefore it could well be just him thinking similarly to what he said.

    I think that making an effort to socialise with your flatmates would be the positive way to go on this, I think that holding a grudge and ignoring the guy who was drunk would be a negative thing to do. While what he said wasn't okay, there's no reason that you can't take the moral high ground, accept his apology and get on with things.

    One of the best things that I've found with friends who lack confidence, is that when they've taken 'the plunge' and forced themselves to be more confident, they wonder why it took them so long to do it. Similarly, however, if you need support then it's available from the university. Most universities have a confidential counsellor that you can talk to. This can help so much and I've used my counselling service before - they're brilliant, if only someone to talk to and explain things.

    I understand that the events of the drunk guy could make you feel like you want to leave university, I don't think that it's the answer.

    Let me know what you think.

    RF
    Fantastic response, OP listen to Roving Fish:yy:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    It really depends on who you end up with. For instance my sister ended up in a flat where she had nothing in common with her flatmates so has joined the flat a floor or two above for social occasions. It's pot luck.

    It seems like you've ended up in a hall of sports students, correct me if I'm wrong? They're known for the lad-ish behaviour and drinking. It's not uncommon for a few of them to be dicks either.

    If you keep doing what you're doing, and just try to avoid the drunk guy - then it'll only be for your first year. Have you got friends on your course?
    my flat is full of people that don't do sport, im the only one that does any sports, my rugby team is "like a brotherhood" as the put it, but they simply go out to get absolutely wasted... and in my course we have 20 people in my seminar group, but we're lucky if we have 5 turn up
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Amck)
    my flat is full of people that don't do sport, im the only one that does any sports, my rugby team is "like a brotherhood" as the put it, but they simply go out to get absolutely wasted... and in my course we have 20 people in my seminar group, but we're lucky if we have 5 turn up
    Oh wow! That's really weird!

    Sounds like your seminar group is optional? Else what are they doing in them to drive people away!? :O
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Oh wow! That's really weird!

    Sounds like your seminar group is optional? Else what are they doing in them to drive people away!? :O
    The seminars are optional in that you have no obligation to turn up.... you should though... I cant work out what is wrong with the seminars, I absolutely love them, but I have a 9am seminar on Friday mornings at 9am and I have been the only one to turn up for it before because everyone else is still pissed from the night before
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 24, 2015
Poll
Do I go to The Streets tomorrow night?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.