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Feeling really distraught about my lack of success and considering escort watch

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    I'm sorry for the fact that there are tons of threads like these on TSR as it is and i'll only be adding to this ever expansive archive but perhaps that in itself says alot about things going through male students heads.

    I've been at uni for about 5 weeks now and i've been going out a fair amount, socialising with so many people I can't remember half of them but I have no success at all with the opposite sex.

    It's not that I expect or feel entitled to female attention but all my friends are having infinitely more success than me, it doesn't help that i'm the worst looking of the bunch and an ethnic minority but hey.I can recall one ocassion when some people came to my halls selling tickets and me and my mate answered the door, answered their questions and he later recieves a text from one of them saying their attractive friend really fancies him - **** like that wouldn't happen to me in a million years.

    I actually make quite an effort too, I speak to other students in a variety of different settings, i've got quite a few numbers, tried to make plans but it never really exceeds the platonic relationship and girls make it pretty clear that they don't see me in "that" light.

    I think my problem is that at uni, just like at school there is a particular type of person girls find attractive and if you fall outside this range your going to have a hard time.

    Why should I continue to waste ****loads of money on frankly terrible nights out when I could spend it on an escort who would probably have more to say for herself than a lot of ditsy students who don't even know what they want out of life. (there are lots of exceptions to this rule)
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    what kind of escort we talking about here?a decent one that'd probably charge upwards of 1k or some addicts off the streets in the £50 range or ones with pimps to whom your cash will actually go to, if the former and you have that much cash to waste on sex, then surely you can find some gold diggers at uni... if not, why are you funding such a low class lifestyle, why the desperation to get laid?
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    I think if its between going out just looking for sex I think you should go to an escort. Going out with one goal means you're only ever going to have a good night when you succeed, every other night is going to be a failure and you won't have a good time. Girls might even be able to tell that you're desperate and miserable.

    But for the record, I think you're wrong about girls only being interested one particular sterotype. If you're fun, confident and interesting (quite often just confident will do it) people, including girls, will want to be around you. Without a doubt good looks make it easier, but its certainly not a lost battle if you don't have them.
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    Really, don't risk it. I wasted money trying to meet someone who in the end never existed.
    You can focus on your work and get a degree (and employment after that) or let that slip due to the desire for sex which you need to start containing.
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    (Original post by selfteaching)
    what kind of escort we talking about here?a decent one that'd probably charge upwards of 1k or some addicts off the streets in the £50 range or ones with pimps to whom your cash will actually go to, if the former and you have that much cash to waste on sex, then surely you can find some gold diggers at uni... if not, why are you funding such a low class lifestyle, why the desperation to get laid?
    Saw some on a site for about £200 for 1 hour who are incredibly attractive, but tbh it's not even just about the sex. I guess I just want to loose my virginity in a stress free environment when i'm not drunk, even just talking to her would be nice
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    Stop comparing yourself to other people, losing your virginity just to fit in is pathetic.
    You cant complain about ''ditsy students who don't even know what they want out of life'' when you value sex as highly as a Jeremy Kyle panel member.
    You will regret losing it to an escort for the rest of your life and you may well be funding organised crime if you use one.
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    Okay, firstly didn't like your last sentence. Makes me feel like you do feel you're entitled, well this whole post sort of does.

    The best way for you fix these feelings is to get out of this mindset, it is just a mindset. How would sleeping with an escort to lose your virginity help you feel better about yourself? let's be honest, it probably won't. It's not even about sex from what I'm gathering, you feel insecure and less worthy than your friends because you're basing your worth on the opposite sex. Do you really want that sentence<---- to define you? no of course not. So you must change it. Be successful in your degree, form some good friendships, have fun by yourself and learn to accept yourself, work on self-improvement and along the way maybe you will meet some people who take a great interest in you. Who cares if your not the adonis of your friendship group,? I'm sure you don't look like a troll either.

    You can be a million other things that would attract a female, one would be not to think this way, I don't find this type of thought process very attractive in a guy, what if you're actually giving the impression to girls you feel this way, then sleeping with you would feel like they are doing you a favour (It probably isn't like that but I'm just giving you an example). So that's why you must get out of this mind set!

    As for sleeping with an escort, Can I just I have no problem with sex workers, there is nothing wrong with it, if a woman wants to do it and a man wants to buy it (or vice versa) then whatever, it's up to them. But there is a stigma attached to the whole thing that I have never been able to separate myself from(I don't think many people have either) and if I find out that a future boyfriend of mine lost his virginity to an escort, honestly would make me fee a bit uneasy.Probably would change my impression of him immediately. That is judgemental and I'm sorry but it's my honest opinion and I'm not going to go under anon to say it.

    I don't think you need to, it's not about sex or virginity it's about you and the way you are feeling and you must change that!

    (This is probably the longest answer I have written since I joined TSR, but I felt it was necessary).
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    (Original post by SJSS)
    Stop comparing yourself to other people, losing your virginity just to fit in is pathetic.
    You cant complain about ''ditsy students who don't even know what they want out of life'' when you value sex as highly as a Jeremy Kyle panel member.
    You will regret losing it to an escort for the rest of your life and you may well be funding organised crime if you use one.
    It's not particularly "just to fit in", as it is an act that I hope will temporarily free me of this tormenting sexual frustration and lack of intimacy at a time when i'm quite lonely.

    Of course i'd prefer to have sex in a relationship with some I love yadayada but the reality is that no girls that I know of see me in a romantic light and there's few things I can do to change that, I'm not willing to trawl through half of my city in some desperate search. I'd see using an escort as a much more sincere act, and they'd probably be more grateful.
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    You don't need to pressure yourself just to get on the same level as others. You're different for a reason and maybe it's not your time yet. And like @SJSS said, stop comparing yourself to other people.

    The unfortunate thing about going to uni is that pressure to do certain things will hit you in the face everywhere you go. I've just started uni too, and as a girl, i have certainly felt pressure to look a certain way and i have been feeling down lately because it. But then i thought to myself, the fact that i can feel the pressure shows that I'm different in a good way and i don't need to be like everyone else because that's boring. There are people are there that will like you and want to talk to you for who you are and not what you look like.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Okay, firstly didn't like your last sentence. Makes me feel like you do feel you're entitled, well this whole post sort of does.

    The best way for you fix these feelings is to get out of this mindset, it is just a mindset. How would sleeping with an escort to lose your virginity help you feel better about yourself? let's be honest, it probably won't. It's not even about sex from what I'm gathering, you feel insecure and less worthy than your friends because you're basing your worth on the opposite sex. Do you really want that sentence<---- to define you? no of course not. So you must change it. Be successful in your degree, form some good friendships, have fun by yourself and learn to accept yourself, work on self-improvement and along the way maybe you will meet some people who take a great interest in you. Who cares if your not the adonis of your friendship group,? I'm sure you don't look like a troll either.

    You can be a million other things that would attract a female, one would be not to think this way, I don't find this type of thought process very attractive in a guy, what if you're actually giving the impression to girls you feel this way, then sleeping with you would feel like they are doing you a favour (It probably isn't like that but I'm just giving you an example). So that's why you must get out of this mind set!

    As for sleeping with an escort, Can I just I have no problem with sex workers, there is nothing wrong with it, if a woman wants to do it and a man wants to buy it (or vice versa) then whatever, it's up to them. But there is a stigma attached to the whole thing that I have never been able to separate myself from(I don't think many people have either) and if I find out that a future boyfriend of mine lost his virginity to an escort, honestly would make me fee a bit uneasy.Probably would change my impression of him immediately. That is judgemental and I'm sorry but it's my honest opinion and I'm not going to go under anon to say it.

    I don't think you need to, it's not about sex or virginity it's about you and the way you are feeling and you must change that!

    (This is probably the longest answer I have written since I joined TSR, but I felt it was necessary).
    Entitled is probably one of the most over used words of the year.

    I do agree with a lot of what you've said and tbh up I don't think I was as fixated with sex and girls up until now but I guess it doesn't help when there are so many girls around you who you have nought success with, everyone's hooking up apart from you (literally all my friends have) .

    Focusing on my studies is something easier said than done, especially when there are people who are doing better than you who go out just as much and still have successes but it's something I suppose i'll attempt.

    I'm well aware it would be a turn off for many girls but it doesn't particularly bother me, i've met countless girls who are by no means saints themselves and I have no problem lying. In fact i'd wager telling girls i'm a virgin would probably be more of a turn off.

    You are right in that's its probably my mentality which is plaguing me most but I as confident as I might be I don't think i'll be all the way there until I actually find someone or get laid. Thanks so much for the effort you put into that reply though, I value your advice.
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    So, if you're thinking that ethnic minority is a barrier, if you're thinking that prostitution is the happy answer then you're bonkers. Just be patient and work on a more sane strategy..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Entitled is probably one of the most over used words of the year.

    I do agree with a lot of what you've said and tbh up I don't think I was as fixated with sex and girls up until now but I guess it doesn't help when there are so many girls around you who you have nought success with, everyone's hooking up apart from you (literally all my friends have) .

    Focusing on my studies is something easier said than done, especially when there are people who are doing better than you who go out just as much and still have successes but it's something I suppose i'll attempt.

    I'm well aware it would be a turn off for many girls but it doesn't particularly bother me, i've met countless girls who are by no means saints themselves and I have no problem lying. In fact i'd wager telling girls i'm a virgin would probably be more of a turn off.

    You are right in that's its probably my mentality which is plaguing me most but I as confident as I might be I don't think i'll be all the way there until I actually find someone or get laid. Thanks so much for the effort you put into that reply though, I value your advice.
    Entitled is the worst thing anyone can be, stay as far away as you can from that label. That's fair enough, I never said it wasn't understandable why you feel this way, but you mustn't feel this way because quite honestly it's just a route to self sabotage... I know how you feel about people going out, and still doing better than you. It was the same for me last year (still in 6thform) but whilst i struggled to motivate myself to work and hating myself for not performing at the level I should be, people were going out and actually having a life and still doing better than me. It feels crap but you just need to work harder, I have taken my own advice on board. No. being a virgin is not more of a turn off than saying you slept with an escort, but that's my opinion, of course you can do it, nothing is stopping you it's your choice.

    I hope you really do value my advice because it is honest and truthful, obviously the rest is up to you! But just stop waiting to be 'approved' by opposite gender! Also remember your not the only one in the world that feels this way, I'm sure many people do and they don't al die desperate virgins lol so relax and enjoy the moment as much as you can!
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    So, if you're thinking that ethnic minority is a barrier, if you're thinking that prostitution is the happy answer then you're bonkers. Just be patient and work on a more sane strategy..
    Didn't say it was a barrier but it will undoubtedly be more difficult being an ethnic minority at a university where your race accounts for about 5%. The majority of white girls don't date outside their race so how can you deny that I won't have a harder time ?

    I can admit it's not a resolution but it's something which might distract this nagging infliction

    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Entitled is the worst thing anyone can be, stay as far away as you can from that label. That's fair enough, I never said it wasn't understandable why you feel this way, but you mustn't feel this way because quite honestly it's just a route to self sabotage... I know how you feel about people going out, and still doing better than you. It was the same for me last year (still in 6thform) but whilst i struggled to motivate myself to work and hating myself for not performing at the level I should be, people were going out and actually having a life and still doing better than me. It feels crap but you just need to work harder, I have taken my own advice on board. No. being a virgin is not more of a turn off than saying you slept with an escort, but that's my opinion, of course you can do it, nothing is stopping you it's your choice.

    I hope you really do value my advice because it is honest and truthful, obviously the rest is up to you! But just stop waiting to be 'approved' by opposite gender! Also remember your not the only one in the world that feels this way, I'm sure many people do and they don't al die desperate virgins lol so relax and enjoy the moment as much as you can!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Didn't say it was a barrier but it will undoubtedly be more difficult being an ethnic minority at a university where your race accounts for about 5%. The majority of white girls don't date outside their race so how can you deny that I won't have a harder time ?

    I can admit it's not a resolution but it's something which might distract this nagging infliction
    What is your ethnicity?
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Entitled is the worst thing anyone can be, stay as far away as you can from that label. That's fair enough, I never said it wasn't understandable why you feel this way, but you mustn't feel this way because quite honestly it's just a route to self sabotage... I know how you feel about people going out, and still doing better than you. It was the same for me last year (still in 6thform) but whilst i struggled to motivate myself to work and hating myself for not performing at the level I should be, people were going out and actually having a life and still doing better than me. It feels crap but you just need to work harder, I have taken my own advice on board. No. being a virgin is not more of a turn off than saying you slept with an escort, but that's my opinion, of course you can do it, nothing is stopping you it's your choice.

    I hope you really do value my advice because it is honest and truthful, obviously the rest is up to you! But just stop waiting to be 'approved' by opposite gender! Also remember your not the only one in the world that feels this way, I'm sure many people do and they don't al die desperate virgins lol so relax and enjoy the moment as much as you can!
    Thank you <3
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    What is your ethnicity?
    Why is it relevant ? Doesn't change anything.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why is it relevant ? Doesn't change anything.
    I'm asking because you seem to think of it 'stopping you' from the life you want to lead and I don't agree.
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    OP, I think the best thing to do is to put your cash into a peer-to-peer lending website which gives around 4% or more interest.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    I'm asking because you seem to think of it 'stopping you' from the life you want to lead and I don't agree.
    I've said no such thing lol, all I've said is it's a factor which may add to my difficulties in the dating department which is 100% true. The pool of girls willing to date someone like me is going to be significantly smaller than a white male equivalent. Particularly at university which tends to be populated by the affluent middle class who tend to mix amongst themselves.
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    OP forget about girls, acquire currency
 
 
 
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