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    I'm 19 (first year at Uni), female, still a virgin, still never had a relationship. I understand that this is going to come across as desperate, but it's something that's always badly affected my self-esteem, and I just want to try for something.

    I know, especially compared to my friends/flatmates, that I'm not attractive. It's something I've always known, something I've always wanted to fix with plastic surgery when I'm older and have sufficient money to do this (again, I understand that people will accuse me of being shallow but given that I spent so many nights crying when I was younger because I just wanted to be prettier, and now I don't go out without makeup, I couldn't really care less what you may say about that). I've dealt with eating disorders after obsessing over the idea of if I can't be beautiful, at least I can be skinny, and that was bad for a while but I'm mostly recovered.

    I know that my body is my strong point, but I don't know how to use that at all.

    I'm rambling now, I get that, sorry.

    I just, I'm sick of always feeling like the ugly friend at the side when my friends are always in relationships, always feeling loved, always having the closeness you can only get from that level of intimacy.

    I don't know.

    What do I do, TSR? How do I actually get past all this, and have confidence in my self, or find someone, or just something?

    (I'm dreading the response I get to this)
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    So, let me reassure you, unless you are in the very attractive set (which the majority are not) this is the norm. Dating success is about playing to your strengths, working on your weaknesses and more than anything tenacity and patience. We all have frustratingly more attractive friends. Use them to learn from them, to pick off the periphery of the adoring crowd. Stop this negative talk and keep going. With positive energy it works out for everyone
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    Keep busy with things you love
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    So, let me reassure you, unless you are in the very attractive set (which the majority are not) this is the norm. Dating success is about playing to your strengths, working on your weaknesses and more than anything tenacity and patience. We all have frustratingly more attractive friends. Use them to learn from them, to pick off the periphery of the adoring crowd. Stop this negative talk and keep going. With positive energy it works out for everyone
    I do try to stay positive, it's just sometimes it feels really hard and I have those crushing moments of feeling like I'm never going to meet anyone, that I'm always going to be the single one and not know what it's like to be loved in that way.

    It's happened with every set of friends, and it just gets harder and harder each time a friend who's in a relationship, or has been in several, says something like "But you're beautiful!" or "You've just got to wait for the right guy!" I know they're well-meaning, but each time I hear that it just makes me want to cry and I feel like they're lying to me.

    It's all a big knock-on thing with my social life as well. I can go from being perfectly happy to one small thing making me feel low and awful for weeks on end. I feel like most of my friends are only friends with me out of pity, or that they laugh behind my back.

    I just want to be happy with me and I really don't know how.
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    (Original post by Anonymous;[url="tel:60149873")
    60149873[/url]]I do try to stay positive, it's just sometimes it feels really hard and I have those crushing moments of feeling like I'm never going to meet anyone, that I'm always going to be the single one and not know what it's like to be loved in that way.

    It's happened with every set of friends, and it just gets harder and harder each time a friend who's in a relationship, or has been in several, says something like "But you're beautiful!" or "You've just got to wait for the right guy!" I know they're well-meaning, but each time I hear that it just makes me want to cry and I feel like they're lying to me.

    It's all a big knock-on thing with my social life as well. I can go from being perfectly happy to one small thing making me feel low and awful for weeks on end. I feel like most of my friends are only friends with me out of pity, or that they laugh behind my back.

    I just want to be happy with me and I really don't know how.
    Run out of rep for you. Been there, come through it, it does happen.. Perhaps seek out a young persons councillor to help you put things in perspective. 19 is ridiculously young to feel so angsty. I was 22 before I had a proper kiss, let alone touched a boob..
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    Hey. I know how you feel because I went through something similar. I'm in my first year at Uni doing a history degree and I find it so stressful with my flatmates, just like you feeling like your not as pretty as them. I hated being social and refused to talk to anyone my own age whilst I was growing up all the way through secondary school and the majority of my time at college and I constantly felt lonely and unloved. I spent the majority of my spare time volunteering at different places such as youth clubs in my local area helping out other teenagers going through problems I had growing up. I loved knowing I could help others younger than me and that I was a great help to the youth workers so I literally fuelled all of my time into it and forgot about everything else. Surprisingly that is actually where I met my boyfriend and I've never had any regret. Even though i'd given up on finding someone and literally did something I enjoyed and loved to do it made me find the 'right guy'. Find something that you enjoy doing that makes you have to be social with people (even if you may not enjoy the being social part) because then it'll give you something else to focus on for awhile and you'll meet a lot of people who will actually be interested in you, no matter if they just turn out to be friends or even boyfriend/girlfriend. Just don't go rushing into sex otherwise there is a good chance you will end up regretting it.
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    Please don't get plastic surgery. We are our own worst critics and you probably see things in the mirror that no one else sees (or even cares about). You should really try not to compare yourself to others around you.
    I hate to be the one doling out the generic, patronising 'advice', but... it will happen when it happens. You are only 19. Try to distract yourself with hobbies, studies etc.
    You can PM if you'd like, I've been where you are.
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    don't rush into any rash decisions or let a guy take advantage of you over this post, try to accept yourself for who you are and one day someone will also accept you for who you are and not someone you pretend to be. just keep your head up and keep moving forward. GOODLUCK!!!
 
 
 
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