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    I started uni two years late, aged 20 and my bf came with me...our first year was terrible!

    Halls; Started in the most unfriendly halls with international students who pretended not to speak any English then my friend and I would catch them speaking in English together, we were fairly quiet but always asking them to come out with us (not clubbing just to the pub, events at uni even food shopping in town) constantly said no. No idea why...got so depressing my friend cried quite a bit and lost confidence so refused to come out with me she moved back home and quit uni.
    I met one girl in the next corridor who was sort of friendly at first but then got really mean when I tried to talk the people I lived with and started telling them I said horrible things about them when I absolutely hadn't (didn't even know them past the odd encounters we'd had through this girl) and started telling everyone how old fashioned and 'quaint' i looked...at first thought she was trying to be funny but then she started telling me I'd look pretty if I could only learn how to use make up do my hair learn to be less frigid etc....I went to the loo one time and found her with some of the condoms me and my (long term friend now long term partner and only partner) bought saying why would you need these? again she does make weird jokes so I sort of laughed it off....
    I found it really hard to make friends on my course (different class backgrounds-I'm probably what you'd call working class-and different hobbies and interests) even though I did try really hard. I did make two friends who have stuck with me since and am SO grateful (one girl who lives at home and a mature student)
    I decided to move into the halls with my bf when the girl who stopped me seeing her friends in her corridor sent me this really horrid text (because I kept refusing to go clubbing with her-I am epileptic and explained I can't be around flashing lights and tonnes of alcohol...my body wouldn't cope) she basically said I'm a frigid ***** and my boyfriend is a saint for putting up with me...my bf and two friends consoled me but it really knocked my confidence...what was it about me that had upset her so much?

    I went clubbing in fresher's week by accident (was supposed to be a pub crawl-I had two drinks and brought my few friends along) was great until we got to the club and the person behind the bar said he wouldn't serve me as I 'didn't have my tits out' went home devastated with my mates

    I decided to move out of that hall when I found all my cutlery/plates/frying pan stolen from my cupboard and all the food I left in the kitchen used practically the moment I bought them. and there was actual faeces on the ceiling of the shower room-which was constantly filthy

    so i moved into my boyfriend's hall...he spent most of his time with me and we didn't know his flatmates but they had a group chat they immediately invited us to join and seemed sociable. so i moved into the adjacent corridor and everything seemed fab...until I started turning down invites to club nights (although was totally up for going to the pub) but this started them off on a tirade of abuse. Taking the light bulbs out of the corridor lights slightly so they flickered and made me fit, jumping out at me, banging on our door and scratching/banging at our window (we had to sleep together every night because we were so worried about what they'd do) regardless of which room we were staying in- they banged on the door really loudly screaming abuse every hour through the night. as a result we were so exhausted we missed lectures and seminars and were irritable and upset with each other quite a lot. We decided to go home early (a month early) because I was fitting so much.
    My grades went from almost consistent 1sts to fails/3rds my overall grade for the years was 55 a mid 2:2 for my course and my bf failed his course (found out he was dyslexic in the summer and uni said it wasn't their problem)
    one nightafter about 5 hours of their noise/obscene shouting p***y c**t etc etc one of the boys knocked on the door threatening me saying he'd get me when my bf wasn't around and he'd hurt me/get me....
    when we called security we realised he'd just beaten our friend s badly he had a bruised rib and eye...
    even with phone recordings of his threats and countless complaints/grievances taken out by us the uni hasn't done anything ... knowing we'd gonne home (we told them we had) they said they 'couldn't contact us' (we were constantly phoning/emailing) and that as a a result they were dropping the allegations.
    everyone from last year is back at university
    we had to pay a fine at the end of the year too for the way they left the place
    to top it off we had to replace our two flatmates at last minute for second year accomodation -one dropped out of uni and didn't tell us and the other started sending my bf really flirty and inappropriate texts suggesting he get rid of me and they could be togethr and the things they'd do together

    we now have a lovely flatmate who has replaced them

    my bf has joined the other uni in the city for first year and is loving it! he's gone away with the navy university unit this weekend and is loving it, has been invited out loads of times already and hasn't even been there a month!
    I've been invited to a few parties this year but can't go to lots of things because we live outside the city in a smaller town now-out of choice to focus on studying.

    but those people are at most of the events i want to go to and i feel like there is no point trying to make new friends now...everyone has friendship groups, I'm weird for not really having an established group. I am the president of the English society thought i'd make friends through that...but others are more interested in how much wine they can 'claim' through the union than actually doing anything, telling me I can't be the president as I'm not elected (although they chose me to be) and telling me to go f**k myself when I asked where they were when i went to present what we're doing to all the first years and they didn't turn up-even though they arranged it.

    I feel like what's the point of carrying on studying when clearly I'm not good enough study wise and everyone has made their friendship groups already and quite a lot are snooty about/mimic my accent/comment on how nerdy I look. Feel like giving up/dropping out although this is all I have ever wanted to do and worked so hard at my rubbish school /actually work so hard/get over so manyh health problems to get here...
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    Why do some people insist on leaving really unhelpful comments when others are trying to reach out/ask for help and support?
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    That's just awful. I'm not in a position to offer advice but I sympathise.

    I hope all turns out well in the end and one day you will be able to look back and laugh at this.
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    (Original post by AsandaLFC)
    Dude u cant expect people from the Internet to read 500 words of your story, im sorry theres a reason why "Too long didnt read" is shorten to "TLDR"

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ah.Finally found out what TLDR means! Could never be bothered to look it up.

    I thought it must mean something like Tender loving definitely rules or something close.
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    (Original post by moggis)
    That's just awful. I'm not in a position to offer advice but I sympathise.

    I hope all turns out well in the end and one day you will be able to look back and laugh at this.
    Umm thanks?
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    (Original post by marythestudent)
    I started uni two years late, aged 20 and my bf came with me...our first year was terrible!

    Halls; Started in the most unfriendly halls with international students who pretended not to speak any English then my friend and I would catch them speaking in English together, we were fairly quiet but always asking them to come out with us (not clubbing just to the pub, events at uni even food shopping in town) constantly said no. No idea why...got so depressing my friend cried quite a bit and lost confidence so refused to come out with me she moved back home and quit uni.
    I met one girl in the next corridor who was sort of friendly at first but then got really mean when I tried to talk the people I lived with and started telling them I said horrible things about them when I absolutely hadn't (didn't even know them past the odd encounters we'd had through this girl) and started telling everyone how old fashioned and 'quaint' i looked...at first thought she was trying to be funny but then she started telling me I'd look pretty if I could only learn how to use make up do my hair learn to be less frigid etc....I went to the loo one time and found her with some of the condoms me and my (long term friend now long term partner and only partner) bought saying why would you need these? again she does make weird jokes so I sort of laughed it off....
    I found it really hard to make friends on my course (different class backgrounds-I'm probably what you'd call working class-and different hobbies and interests) even though I did try really hard. I did make two friends who have stuck with me since and am SO grateful (one girl who lives at home and a mature student)
    I decided to move into the halls with my bf when the girl who stopped me seeing her friends in her corridor sent me this really horrid text (because I kept refusing to go clubbing with her-I am epileptic and explained I can't be around flashing lights and tonnes of alcohol...my body wouldn't cope) she basically said I'm a frigid ***** and my boyfriend is a saint for putting up with me...my bf and two friends consoled me but it really knocked my confidence...what was it about me that had upset her so much?

    I went clubbing in fresher's week by accident (was supposed to be a pub crawl-I had two drinks and brought my few friends along) was great until we got to the club and the person behind the bar said he wouldn't serve me as I 'didn't have my tits out' went home devastated with my mates

    I decided to move out of that hall when I found all my cutlery/plates/frying pan stolen from my cupboard and all the food I left in the kitchen used practically the moment I bought them. and there was actual faeces on the ceiling of the shower room-which was constantly filthy

    so i moved into my boyfriend's hall...he spent most of his time with me and we didn't know his flatmates but they had a group chat they immediately invited us to join and seemed sociable. so i moved into the adjacent corridor and everything seemed fab...until I started turning down invites to club nights (although was totally up for going to the pub) but this started them off on a tirade of abuse. Taking the light bulbs out of the corridor lights slightly so they flickered and made me fit, jumping out at me, banging on our door and scratching/banging at our window (we had to sleep together every night because we were so worried about what they'd do) regardless of which room we were staying in- they banged on the door really loudly screaming abuse every hour through the night. as a result we were so exhausted we missed lectures and seminars and were irritable and upset with each other quite a lot. We decided to go home early (a month early) because I was fitting so much.
    My grades went from almost consistent 1sts to fails/3rds my overall grade for the years was 55 a mid 2:2 for my course and my bf failed his course (found out he was dyslexic in the summer and uni said it wasn't their problem)
    one nightafter about 5 hours of their noise/obscene shouting p***y c**t etc etc one of the boys knocked on the door threatening me saying he'd get me when my bf wasn't around and he'd hurt me/get me....
    when we called security we realised he'd just beaten our friend s badly he had a bruised rib and eye...
    even with phone recordings of his threats and countless complaints/grievances taken out by us the uni hasn't done anything ... knowing we'd gonne home (we told them we had) they said they 'couldn't contact us' (we were constantly phoning/emailing) and that as a a result they were dropping the allegations.
    everyone from last year is back at university
    we had to pay a fine at the end of the year too for the way they left the place
    to top it off we had to replace our two flatmates at last minute for second year accomodation -one dropped out of uni and didn't tell us and the other started sending my bf really flirty and inappropriate texts suggesting he get rid of me and they could be togethr and the things they'd do together

    we now have a lovely flatmate who has replaced them

    my bf has joined the other uni in the city for first year and is loving it! he's gone away with the navy university unit this weekend and is loving it, has been invited out loads of times already and hasn't even been there a month!
    I've been invited to a few parties this year but can't go to lots of things because we live outside the city in a smaller town now-out of choice to focus on studying.

    but those people are at most of the events i want to go to and i feel like there is no point trying to make new friends now...everyone has friendship groups, I'm weird for not really having an established group. I am the president of the English society thought i'd make friends through that...but others are more interested in how much wine they can 'claim' through the union than actually doing anything, telling me I can't be the president as I'm not elected (although they chose me to be) and telling me to go f**k myself when I asked where they were when i went to present what we're doing to all the first years and they didn't turn up-even though they arranged it.

    I feel like what's the point of carrying on studying when clearly I'm not good enough study wise and everyone has made their friendship groups already and quite a lot are snooty about/mimic my accent/comment on how nerdy I look. Feel like giving up/dropping out although this is all I have ever wanted to do and worked so hard at my rubbish school /actually work so hard/get over so manyh health problems to get here...
    First things first I would see if the SU can help with how your society members are acting (any way you can kick them out maybe? as clearly sounds like their taking advantage of SU money and using it on the wrong thing), then speak to your personal tutor and maybe student support to see if they can help somehow
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    First things first I would see if the SU can help with how your society members are acting (any way you can kick them out maybe? as clearly sounds like their taking advantage of SU money and using it on the wrong thing), then speak to your personal tutor and maybe student support to see if they can help somehow
    I reallydont want to make unnecessary drama I only joined the society to make some potential friends!
    I emailed my personal tutor so many times last year esp about fitting and he didn't respond once except one generic email saying I'll have to leave uni if I continue to have such poor attendance sent through someone else .
    I guess I could go to the union that's good advice thank you... But don't want to create more drama one of the people from the English soc is already going around telling people he hates me and he is quite popular although the first time we met I invited everyone over to my flat for lunch as none of us had ever met and he was the only one to turn up when I went to the loo I came back to the computer where we were working on an event he later cancelled and he wasn't there. Thought he'd got a drink or something but when he left I found both my and my partner's bedroom door and my friends bedroom door open all our stuff out and my knickers on the floor...

    I really don't want more drama I just want to start having a 'uni experience '
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    (Original post by marythestudent)
    I reallydont want to make unnecessary drama I only joined the society to make some potential friends!
    I emailed my personal tutor so many times last year esp about fitting and he didn't respond once except one generic email saying I'll have to leave uni if I continue to have such poor attendance sent through someone else .
    I guess I could go to the union that's good advice thank you... But don't want to create more drama one of the people from the English soc is already going around telling people he hates me and he is quite popular although the first time we met I invited everyone over to my flat for lunch as none of us had ever met and he was the only one to turn up when I went to the loo I came back to the computer where we were working on an event he later cancelled and he wasn't there. Thought he'd got a drink or something but when he left I found both my and my partner's bedroom door and my friends bedroom door open all our stuff out and my knickers on the floor...

    I really don't want more drama I just want to start having a 'uni experience '
    Your union should keep anything you tell them anonymous i d hope and since their using their money irresponsibly its worth a try, some su's offer advice on lots of general things so they might be able to help somehow . Sorry to hear your personal tutor isn't much help, are there any lecturers or course leaders you get along with that you could speak to (or maybe ask for a new personal tutor ?)
    Sounds like a lot of the people you ve come across at university are immature to say the least, do you have any coursemates that might be any better to try and make friends with?. If it wasn't for all the not great people at the uni, are you happy with everything else there? (otherwise to be honest i d be considering seeing if a transfer was at all possible)
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Your union should keep anything you tell them anonymous i d hope and since their using their money irresponsibly its worth a try, some su's offer advice on lots of general things so they might be able to help somehow . Sorry to hear your personal tutor isn't much help, are there any lecturers or course leaders you get along with that you could speak to (or maybe ask for a new personal tutor ?)
    Sounds like a lot of the people you ve come across at university are immature to say the least, do you have any coursemates that might be any better to try and make friends with?. If it wasn't for all the not great people at the uni, are you happy with everything else there? (otherwise to be honest i d be considering seeing if a transfer was at all possible)
    Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yeah I've made about 3 friends through my course and about 5 others but don't see the other 5 a great deal...i do like the course a lot better this year and went to the head of department and told him what was going on...he said just to do my own thing but never got back to me about an event I wanted to do (he wanted to join us and sort of act like a tour guide as it's his area of research) I don't know I am starting to make a few friends just feel like I have no confidence left at all and my mum who has depression constantly telling me I don't deserve to have a good time, they should have not chipped in with my rent (they insisted) and made me live somewhere more' fitting' for someone like me that I've turned into like a snooty stuck up cow...just all make me feel like what is the point of trying?
    I just want to get on with my course and have a group I can hang out with and some close friends...but feel like I'm missing out :/ while my bf goes off having an amazing time without me- when I was going my a levels and he didn't have many friends I constantly asked him out with us andade him feel included feel like he's not returning the favour....not that he has to ofc
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    (Original post by marythestudent)
    Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yeah I've made about 3 friends through my course and about 5 others but don't see the other 5 a great deal...i do like the course a lot better this year and went to the head of department and told him what was going on...he said just to do my own thing but never got back to me about an event I wanted to do (he wanted to join us and sort of act like a tour guide as it's his area of research) I don't know I am starting to make a few friends just feel like I have no confidence left at all and my mum who has depression constantly telling me I don't deserve to have a good time, they should have not chipped in with my rent (they insisted) and made me live somewhere more' fitting' for someone like me that I've turned into like a snooty stuck up cow...just all make me feel like what is the point of trying?
    I just want to get on with my course and have a group I can hang out with and some close friends...but feel like I'm missing out :/ while my bf goes off having an amazing time without me- when I was going my a levels and he didn't have many friends I constantly asked him out with us andade him feel included feel like he's not returning the favour....not that he has to ofc
    There's always a point in trying, don't lose hope (Personally, i find that its best to always block out any negative comments from anybody about anything really, you know just nod, ignore it and move on, if you can, i know its not easy). 3 friends is good, maybe ask the other 5 if they want to do an activity you all like to try and meet up more if you can. (I always think its much better to have quality friendships than a big number of them). If you feel comfortable doing so, explain to your boyfriend how you're feeling about this, he might not have realised you feel that way, you never know until you mention it.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    There's always a point in trying, don't lose hope (Personally, i find that its best to always block out any negative comments from anybody about anything really, you know just nod, ignore it and move on, if you can, i know its not easy). 3 friends is good, maybe ask the other 5 if they want to do an activity you all like to try and meet up more if you can. (I always think its much better to have quality friendships than a big number of them). If you feel comfortable doing so, explain to your boyfriend how you're feeling about this, he might not have realised you feel that way, you never know until you mention it.
    Yeah maybe I just need to get my confidence back Yeah maybe I should thank you for your advice yeah I was in a big group in college and found the drama too much I completely agree with you. I dint want to put any pressure on him...haven't seen him this confident in ages! Maybe you're right...take things into my own hands
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    I can't understand why people would be like that though, there seems to be a pattern of people being mean to you, are you sure you don't do anything to cause these things?
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    (Original post by JoshDawg)
    I can't understand why people would be like that though, there seems to be a pattern of people being mean to you, are you sure you don't do anything to cause these things?
    Not want to go clubbing with them? I feel like at first I am overly accommodating with people so they think they can walk all over me
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    (Original post by JoshDawg)
    I can't understand why people would be like that though, there seems to be a pattern of people being mean to you, are you sure you don't do anything to cause these things?
    You kind of sound like my mum so my hackles are sort of raised atm. Sorry if I come across standoffish
    The first girl fell out with all her friends and ive never seen her with anyone else...just alone
    The second guy.beat my friend and threatened to kill someone else in my corridor...not sure how that's just me?
    And the girl who sent my bf those texts now has to live in halls agian as she has nobody else to live with...
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    (Original post by marythestudent)
    Not want to go clubbing with them? I feel like at first I am overly accommodating with people so they think they can walk all over me
    Maybe. But the people at your English society? Did you turn them down for clubbing or are you overly bossy?

    Sorry if this sounds like I'm trying to make the aggressors sound like the victims, I'm not I am just trying to understand why else other than a stupidly trivial matter of clubbing this is. I have turned going out with my flatmates clubbing many times and they're fine with me and vice versa.

    Which university is this?
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    (Original post by JoshDawg)
    Maybe. But the people at your English society? Did you turn them down for clubbing or are you overly bossy?

    Sorry if this sounds like I'm trying to make the aggressors sound like the victims, I'm not I am just trying to understand why else other than a stupidly trivial matter of clubbing this is. I have turned going out with my flatmates clubbing many times and they're fine with me and vice versa.

    Which university is this?
    With the English society: Nope never came up (going clubbing) etc. Your uni sounds nice don't want to say but it's in the south East...wasn't overly bossy...we had to fill in the transfer form to say we were running it...so I did my bit about a month before the deadline and sent it to them and they sent it back to me about a minute before the deadline making a huge fuss...one of the guys.was incredibly rude over the summer guess I should have known then?
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    (Original post by marythestudent)
    With the English society: Nope never came up (going clubbing) etc. Your uni sounds nice don't want to say but it's in the south East...wasn't overly bossy...we had to fill in the transfer form to say we were running it...so I did my bit about a month before the deadline and sent it to them and they sent it back to me about a minute before the deadline making a huge fuss...one of the guys.was incredibly rude over the summer guess I should have known then?
    My uni is nice, I go to UCLan and even though there is a good social scene, I don't think, and I certainly don't feel that there is any pressure to going out clubbing.

    In general your experience sounds pretty nasty, and people banging on your door at all hours of the night is borderline psychological torture. Your uni doing nothing about that (and you having recorded proof) would excite any solicitor in my opinion if you felt about taking legal action. If I were you I'd try to get some money out of that.
 
 
 
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