Various problems in my life

I’m not entirely sure what help I am hoping to get by posting this, I guess its mainly to see if anyone else is going through/been through a similar thing. And to see if anyone has any suggestions about what I can do to try and sort things out. I went to see a counsellor at uni the other week, and initially it felt helpful being able to talk to someone, but I didn’t feel I could tell her *everything* that is happening, and neither did she give any advice. It is advice I feel that I need really, rather than just talking to someone…I don’t know what to do or where to go. So here goes…and apologies for the long post.

I am at uni, but living at home. Which in hindsight was probably a bad idea, as I don’t have the independence of living away, but neither do I benefit from living at home with ‘home comforts’ or ‘security’ etc. My parents marriage has always been fairly rocky, and it goes through better and worse patches. My dad means well, and wants the best for the family, but in doing so is a perfectionist and pushes too much. He is in a well paid job, and expects my mum to do the same, he expects the house to be kept clean/tidy etc – which is obviously ok to a point, but he is not really realistic with his expectations. He doesn’t react well when things aren’t done the way he ‘expects them’. He is clever, has two degrees, etc, and expects me and my sister to do well in life. I am at uni, doing a degree I don’t really enjoy (its my fault I am doing it though), he didn’t want me to do it, and if I tell him now that I’m not enjoying it he would just be like ‘I told you so.’ I’m not doing that well in it, mainly because I’m not motivated, so find other things to do. I graduate in the summer and I don’t know how I will do, but I know that if I don’t get a 2:1 he will be very disappointed to say the least, and I don’t know how he will react. I am struggling to fit in my uni work time wise as well, I end up helping my mum with things she can’t do, or hasn’t time to do, which means I run out of time to do things, but I don’t know what to do about it. My dad has been diagnosed with depression for about the last 8/10 years, but doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it. My mum is having counselling, and they suggested she see a mental health nurse, who said that she has anxiety disorder. She is really struggling to keep things together, and I end up having to help her more and more, which means I struggle with my uni work even more.

At the moment, my dad has decided the hall and landing needs redecorating, I’m sat at home trying to work on my dissertation and can just hear the pair of them arguing whilst doing things. I can’t concentrate on my work, which I need to finish over easter. I don’t know how I am going to get it done. I have so much work left to do I don't see how it is possible for me to do it all. I have 2 courswork assignments due in after easter, my dissertation, and my dissertation presentation. I then have more lectures before my 6 exams in the summer. I need to pull my grade up somehow, but I don't know how.

After I have finished uni I would love to go away for a while, travelling or something, partly to have some fun after uni, partly to have some time to myself away from home. I know though, that my dad wouldn’t be impressed, and my mum and sister would struggle without me.

I don’t really know what else to say, there are more ‘problems’ going on in my life as well, but I don’t know how to say it all now. I might try and post them later. This is just becoming really disjointed otherwise, and even more unreadable than it is already.

What can I do to try and pull myself together and get everything sorted in my life, at least short term, so I can finish my degree.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Omg if I had a dollar for everytime my parents fought before they finally split I'd be quite rich eh.

Well my situation is that I have it tough, I'm living out of home and have been since 19/20, but love it. I was first kicked out of mum's at 16 (and I'm a goody toe shoes!! She just didn't want the responsibility), then lived at dad's till 20. I only left his because I wanted to work a bit in a different city then go to uni, by the time I got back his new gf wasn't all that keen on me living there ://

So I live out from home now, but my dad and I get along really well and I see him about once a week anyway which is nice :biggrin:

You prolly have the opposite sitch to me in that you get along better with your mother right?

Anyway my advice is, if you can, get some of your friends together and move in! :smile:

The most important thing is your degree, and if the synergy is negative, then it depresses you and you don't get as much done. You need to break away from the negativity and channel your engery into positive things.

Hope that helps, sorry for the ramble :redface:

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Oh sorry, and I wanted to add that I do enjoy living out of home now it's fantastic. It's not like I was forced to either, coz I could've lived at dad's and I do get along with his GF (she likes me too :biggrin:

) it's just I felt umcomfortable lol. Nah living away from home is the best, and my uni work has certainly improved!!

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Aww you poor dear... you know at times its ok to be selfish, I know this sounds bad but you really should start thinking about yourself. By this I don't mean that you leave your mum and sister to themselves but LEARN to make time for yourself. You don't have time? Keep 30-45 min everyday just for you. You could use this time having the most luxurious bath, or could do something you really like. What matters is not what you do but how you feel then. You don't want to end up depressed like your mum and dad do you?
Do help your parents but learn when to say no. And don't feel guilty about it. I knowthis does not sound like the best of advice but I believe there is a book you should read. 'Why some positive thinkers get powerful results' by N.V Peale.
Hope things will be much better for you.

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