The Student Room Group

Help on my flat mates

Ok, I need people's advice my flat mates and I have hit a rocky patch. We have lived together for about a month. They have been going out at night which I am fine with. They like to pre drunk in the kitchen and then leave it all over the table when they go out to then clean it up in the morning. I have 9 and 10 o'clock lectures everyday and the walk to the campus which I am on is about a half and hour walk. I then go to bed early and don't go out as much as them as I am not much of a drinker and need to be up early. The only problem is that they come in screaming their heads off and running up and down the corridor at about 3-4 in the morning. I have had a go at them once when I had spent the evening ,after they had left, cleaning the kitchen as we had an expection the next morning, which the flats around us had been failing for redicoulous thing like crumbs in the toaster and small stains on the floor or crumbs in the oven. That night they not only had decided to once again scream and run up and down the corridor but also have a food fight. I woke up the next morning and found food everywhere so I went and cleaned it up as ,if you fail you get fined which I obviously did not want. They then were saying that they cleaned the kitchen once the food fight was over which I don't denie they may have tried but there was still pizza and chips everywhere. I then told them that I had cleaned the kitchen when they were saying what a good job they had done cleaning while still being smashed. Which has since held a little friction with in our flat. I also told them that the noise and lack of sleep was getting to me as most of them are able to go home ,and sleep in their own bed with their parents cooking and all the home comforts , at various points in the week while I am stuck there.

That night they managed to bond really well and now have the "dream team" which does not involve me. I have never been much of a party goer but I do like to go out so to show them that I would go out I went out with them the next night. During the next night no one would talk to me even when I tried to start a conversation. When they wanted a flat photo they did not invite me into it instead they wanted me to take the photo. (There was other people around who would have been able to take the photo). Also that night I was Demanded by them to watch their drinks, hold their bags and request songs as may only personal interaction which was me trying to get more involved with the as they felt I was a party pooper. They then preceded to say how everyone was so much fun to be with apart from me.

I feel that it is just one of the girl who causes all this problem as when she goes home during the week I am able to talk to and have fun with all the other flat mates as they will talk to me. I have had a good time when she is not their and am able to get to know and have fun with everyone. Also I feel that as she is one of those girls who always gets her way because she is pretty which I am not.

I just feel like I want to know if there was anyone could tell me how to improve the situation as when I tried to talk to them about it I was told to use ear plugs which for me just fall out no matter what brand I use or to just move out which I feel is unreasonable as She had moved in later only because another guy who was in her bedroom early had moved out. I have no problem persay in the day time but as I have early lectures I really need to sleep( some of them have early lectures but they prefer to miss them as they can't be bothered to go). Can anyone give me some advice or what to do??

Also if going out with your own friend clubbing is like mine where I am ignored and just expected to do things for them??
Sorry for the long paragraph
(edited 8 years ago)
Can you try and improve your friendships with the other girls while the ringleader is away? E.g. suggest pizza nights and stuff where you can bond, make an effort to drink and be a bit crazy. If she is on her own in ignoring you then she will look petty and mean so if you can get the other girls to like you enough that they wont gang up with her then you can find a way in.

If you're not interested in that (which I understand, they sound nasty) then join some societies and make some friends that way.

There's not much you can do about the noise. You could report them (at the time) to whoever is on duty in your halls but they may or may not do anything about it. Don't 'have a go' at them, you'll only make the situation worse and don't be arsey about cleaning up... people just won't thank you for it, better to keep quiet rather than making yourself look bitter. They aren't going to be quiet because you want to sleep no matter what you do. You'll just have to try and cope, go to bed early when they're not going out, try and wear ear plugs etc. Things should calm down as the year goes on.
Original post by Cotton candy33
Ok, I need people's advice my flat mates and I have hit a rocky patch. We have lived together for about a month. They have been going out at night which I am fine with. They like to pre drunk in the kitchen and then leave it all over the table when they go out to then clean it up in the morning. I have 9 and 10 o'clock lectures everyday and the walk to the campus which I am on is about a half and hour walk. I then go to bed early and don't go out as much as them as I am not much of a drinker and need to be up early. The only problem is that they come in screaming their heads off and running up and down the corridor at about 3-4 in the morning. I have had a go at them once when I had spent the evening ,after they had left, cleaning the kitchen as we had an expection the next morning, which the flats around us had been failing for redicoulous thing like crumbs in the toaster and small stains on the floor or crumbs in the oven. That night they not only had decided to once again scream and run up and down the corridor but also have a food fight. I woke up the next morning and found food everywhere so I went and cleaned it up as ,if you fail you get fined which I obviously did not want. They then were saying that they cleaned the kitchen once the food fight was over which I don't denie they may have tried but there was still pizza and chips everywhere. I then told them that I had cleaned the kitchen when they were saying what a good job they had done cleaning while still being smashed. Which has since held a little friction with in our flat. I also told them that the noise and lack of sleep was getting to me as most of them are able to go home ,and sleep in their own bed with their parents cooking and all the home comforts , at various points in the week while I am stuck there.

That night they managed to bond really well and now have the "dream team" which does not involve me. I have never been much of a party goer but I do like to go out so to show them that I would go out I went out with them the next night. During the next night no one would talk to me even when I tried to start a conversation. When they wanted a flat photo they did not invite me into it instead they wanted me to take the photo. (There was other people around who would have been able to take the photo). Also that night I was Demanded by them to watch their drinks, hold their bags and request songs as may only personal interaction which was me trying to get more involved with the as they felt I was a party pooper. They then preceded to say how everyone was so much fun to be with apart from me.

I feel that it is just one of the girl who causes all this problem as when she goes home during the week I am able to talk to and have fun with all the other flat mates as they will talk to me. I have had a good time when she is not their and am able to get to know and have fun with everyone. Also I feel that as she is one of those girls who always gets her way because she is pretty which I am not.

I just feel like I want to know if there was anyone could tell me how to improve the situation as when I tried to talk to them about it I was told to use ear plugs which for me just fall out no matter what brand I use or to just move out which I feel is unreasonable as She had moved in later only because another guy who was in her bedroom early had moved out. I have no problem persay in the day time but as I have early lectures I really need to sleep( some of them have early lectures but they prefer to miss them as they can't be bothered to go). Can anyone give me some advice or what to do??

Also if going out with your own friend clubbing is like mine where I am ignored and just expected to do things for them??
Sorry for the long paragraph


I'm also in a fairly similar situation - I'm fairly sure that one of my flatmates doesn't like me (I'm not sure why! I haven't done anything to her since I'm barely even in the bloody house) and when she's not around my other housemate is more chatty to me.

She's chatty to everyone but when it comes to me she just ignores me or says one liners or something, so I was like **** it and just did the same to her. I didn't bother greeting her on her birthday as a sort of screw you and I slept over my friend's house and made up some excuse.

But anyway, most of my other housemates are fine with me but her flatmate from last year is hot and cold with me - I've noticed when she's around her flatmate doesn't speak much to me, but when she's not in the room she actually says more than one line to me.

My advise would be to just ignore her - just focus on speaking to your other flatmates when the flatmate that doesn't like you isn't around. Or if it's really not working out, just make friends with other people outside of your flat - you don't necessarily have to be best buds with your flatmates. Remember, you're not there forever. It helps to be best friends with them, but realistically a lot of people don't become best buds with theirs.

And don't let them treat you like that, you're better than that. If they treat you like their slave stand up for yourself! If they see that you're weak they'll keep picking on you until the year ends. Don't let that happen. If you really don't get along with them, don't force it - there are so many people at uni that you should never have to settle for people who treat you like crap.
Reply 3
you seem to be with really immature people ( 18/19 years old ) that are experimenting their freedom which is completely normal , I used to be like that when I was younger, but you're not apparently like them , try to look for people who are like you ( societies .???) . You don't have to force yourself to hang out with people who are not your "type" and if you want to give it a try , maybe you should show more confidence and even though they don't include you in conversations , talk and include yourself .. if they take a photo without you, who cares go with them .... the thing is not show you're trying quite hard to get closer to them but being more relaxed and casual once you're socialising ..... Regarding the girl ,, mmm be friendly with her ? and again don't show your effort .. just friendly and casual ... .. when people notice you wanna get closer to them , they can become pretty stuck-up because they know you wanna be included
Reply 4
this seems like such a horrible situation wow.. i think that you are so much more grown up and mature then them and it seems a bit too far gone to fix. and anyway why would you want to be friends with these people after they treated you so badly for no reason?
I think it would be better for you if you found another place to stay (not sure if ur still on campus or off) but maybe speak to ur unis admin and they can find you a better situation. Its especially bad because it may start interfering with your studies - which is why you guys are there in the first place.

So in my opinion: get out of there!! youre so much better than having to clean other peoples mess and having to deal with their bs. stand up for yourself more too!!

Good luck x
Reply 5
move out they sound like nobs
Out of interest, what uni are you at?

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