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Hating University watch

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    Hi

    I'm a second year at university. I'd been waiting to go to university for years and it was one of my dreams. I thought it would be full of passionate, intelligent people that shared a similar world view to me and prioritised similar things to me.

    1) My flatmates last year were awful. This is redundant now, because I live with different people: a load of *****y girls. All they do is ***** and chat about celebrities. Since I am not particularly into *****iness or the politics of *****iness, I have no idea how to react. It's very difficult living in a house where every move is probably going to be *****ed about. I struggle to hang out with them.

    2) Societies. I know many of you will probably suggest joining some. I have tried, and everyone seems to have cliques. I found myself excluded. I also can't seem to find one I really suit.

    3) I really care about my subject and really enjoy it, but I'm at Leeds, and most people here seem to be here for the partying. This is fine, but it does not suit me. Don't get me wrong, I like having fun and going to the pub. But I haven't found anyone who I click with and wants to do this with me. I really just want to study, do well, do an MA, etc. I feel like I've come to the wrong uni. Whenever people ask me about academics e.g. what did I get in my A-levels, what did I get in an essay etc, they seem to start hating me because I did well or whatever. I mentioned in passing conversation that I got a scholarship to someone I thought I was friendly with, and they started resenting me for it. Didn't think uni would be like that. Why should you be punished for achieving, coming to uni which is supposed to be studious and actually, I don't know, like studying?!

    4) I'm so far away from home and I can't just nip back, which I find really difficult.

    5) I have a history of depression, and I was depressed during my first year. I think I'm heading back down that route, and I don't know what to do. It's affecting my academics, my love of my subject and wanting to get out of bed. I can't do anything except ****ing think about how much I hate it here.

    People always promised uni would be amazing, that I would meet amazing people, and that I would finally find where I belong and flourish. It's lonelier than anywhere I've ever been and the most exclusive place I've ever been.

    On A-level results day, I had decided I didn't actually want to come to Leeds. This resentment carried on in the beginning of first year and has never really gone away, which must be affecting my experience. I just don't want to be here.

    Any advice at all?
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    I hate to say this, but I think your problem is you. Re-read your post, it is all negative and all about how awful everyone and everything is but how great you are.

    You don't believe there is anyone (in the whole of Leeds University?) with your passionate, intelligent view of the world. Your flatmates are all *****y, the people in societies all exclude you, people on your course are envious because you got a scholarship or a better grade than them for an essay (really?) and yet you decided on results day you didn't want to come to Leeds but came anyway.

    My advice would be consider some cognitive behavioural therapy.
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    (Original post by ViewOnlyMum)
    I hate to say this, but I think your problem is you. Re-read your post, it is all negative and all about how awful everyone and everything is but how great you are.

    You don't believe there is anyone (in the whole of Leeds University?) with your passionate, intelligent view of the world. Your flatmates are all *****y, the people in societies all exclude you, people on your course are envious because you got a scholarship or a better grade than them for an essay (really?) and yet you decided on results day you didn't want to come to Leeds but came anyway.

    My advice would be consider some cognitive behavioural therapy.
    Well, I don't think I'm great. I didn't intend for my post to come across that way, I was just really suffering last night. I was picking out specific examples of times I didn't find university living up to my expectations.
    1) Yeah I'd consider a house full of people constantly *****ing about each other (not even necessarily me) quite *****y, and I don't enjoy that.
    2) Societies are cliquey. It's not like they were intentionally excluding me. They just already have friends. I have social anxiety. It's difficult.
    3) And yes, I have actually had one or two people display a sort of "wow I asked someone how they did and it was 1 mark better wow I'm really offended" sort of attitude. Didn't think university would be like GCSE/so competitive. That was my point.

    And yeah, I thought university would be full of enlightening people. At no point did I suggest I was one. I wanted to come and experience OTHER people. They're clearly out there but so far I have just met a lot of people who drink and have fun all the time, which is cool, but not what I expected.

    I'd like to add that I think it's very unfair to say "yet you decided on results day you didn't want to come to Leeds but came anyway." I didn't just say "hey I don't want to go but what the hell, I'll go". I don't think I want to tell you why I had very little choice but to actually come, but I'll just say I think that's an unfair assessment.

    I really think that final snide comment is unnecessary. I've spent the last year of my life on-and-off suicidal. You could at least refrain from such rudeness, especially if you're a mother. At the end of the day, I'm 19 years old, 400 miles away from home and I'm just miserable. I came across the wrong way.
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    (Original post by ViewOnlyMum)
    I hate to say this, but I think your problem is you. Re-read your post, it is all negative and all about how awful everyone and everything is but how great you are.

    You don't believe there is anyone (in the whole of Leeds University?) with your passionate, intelligent view of the world. Your flatmates are all *****y, the people in societies all exclude you, people on your course are envious because you got a scholarship or a better grade than them for an essay (really?) and yet you decided on results day you didn't want to come to Leeds but came anyway.

    My advice would be consider some cognitive behavioural therapy.
    I dunno man, i see where your coming from but if OP is genuinely surrounded by these people (And its not in her head) then it is going to be tough for her.

    That said i agree with the sentiments about finding someone more akin to yourself. Not every single person at that uni is like your flatmates etc so you need to take some responsibility and get looking for similar like minded people
 
 
 
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