Please help me choose

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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
My teacher told me that narrative would be a better idea to write a narrative for directed writing, but I feel like under the time constraint, it will be really difficult to get a perfect, loophole free story line. I just wanted to see if my descriptive is good enough and if I should give it a go in the exams. I have typed out one of my compositions below, please let me know?

Describe in detail some people you meet in a library or a museum or a place of worship.
With some level of trepidation I stepped through the entrance of the temple. I was visiting the place after a long hiatus from any religious activity, the place was always brimming with all sorts of people.

My worst fears came true; I was immediately met by an overwhelming rush of people as soon as I set foot on the muddy path that constituted the way to the idol dedicated to Lord Shiva. Cringing a little, I braced myself and navigated through the swirls of people to the main temple.

When I finally reached the stone idol, I stepped into a long, slow moving line of devotees. The woman in front of me stuck me as strange; from her ears hung ornate gold earring that looked extremely heavy; and a necklace of similar design adorned her neck. She was petite, but the tiniest bit of fat peeked
through the swathes of red cloth that she was wearing for a saree. Her skin a sun burnt, and her jet black hairline stood in sharp juxtaposition against the brown skin of her broad forehead. She glanced furtively from side to side, as if in fear for her jewelry, and her large black irises darted frequently to the sides of her eyes. A deep smell of incense lingered about her. In her hands she carried a basket filled to the brim with flowers and fruits and other offerings.

A few yards to the right, a beady eyed man was eyeing her jewelry slyly. He stepped towards her carefully, his brown sandals slapping gently against the ground. "Madam," I began to warn her, but she spotted him in time, and with an appreciative glance in my direction, she scurried away to the front of the line.

After I was done praying, I headed down a cobbled path to the exit. The morning sun had climbed up higher in the sky and the crowd had swollen unbelievably. Up ahead, there was a sage haggling with a fruit vendor over mangoes. The sight was not uncommon late in the summer when hundreds of devotees flocked to the temples in respect of Lord Shiva. However, while most sages were known for their calm dispositions, this one was indignant and very annoyed with the vendor. Yellow cloth hung loosely from his
waist, his body otherwise bare. Ash, light gray, was slathered all over his arms, accentuating the ribs protruding from bis skinny chest. Rough looking brown beads woven into charms and necklaces were wrapped around his neck, and similar strings hung from his hair. In his hand, he held a cigarette, and an earthy smell emanated from his body.

"God will curse you all!" He declared in a hoarse, shaky voice. "The wrath of the almighty is not far!" He nodded at me too with an ominous look on his face. I shuddered slightly and hurried past him.

As soon as i Stepped out of the temple premises, I breathed in cool air, free of incense, and exhale the early morning craziness of the temple.

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