Crappy ex-friend wants to come back. What to do?
I know it's long, but there's a tl;dr at the bottom if you want 
Okay, I so I had this friend and we were pretty close and I spent a lot of time and energy supporting him through his crazy life. He's quite wild and unpredictable and not very stable, despite being nearly 30, but we didn't mind - sometimes he would even come to stay with my family when he needed some sanity and my mum and brother grew to care about him too.
Anyway, during the summer, he got injured and had to go to hospital and was really down about it so I spent a lot of time talking to him on the phone, trying to cheer him up because he doesn't have any family of his own.
When he was allowed to go leave the hospital, my mum offered to drive all the way across the country to pick him up and take him back to our house so that she could look after him whilst he recovered.
She drove six hours there and six hours back so that she could get him, then she spent a week looking after him, changing his bandages, cooking for him, etc and when he was well enough to go home and look after himself, she drove him all the way home again.
Basically, my mum was a complete angel and went so far out of her way to help him, but he did not behave in the way I would expect from him. For the first couple of days, he said he was grateful, but after that, he took her help for granted, he was rude to me and generally acted like a spoilt child.
After she took him home, we didn't hear anything from him - not a single word to say thank you or let us know he was okay. I felt (and still feel!) so angry at him for treating my mum like that.
It's been over two months and we've heard nothing from him, until today, when he phoned my landline out of the blue. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say and told him I was in the middle of something and would call him back.
My question is, what to I do?? I don't really want to have anything to do with him any more after all that happened, but I don't want to have to confront him about his behaviour either. What should I do?
tl;dr - an old friend got into trouble, then completely took me and my family for granted when we were trying to help him, he then spent two months ignoring us and now wants to get back in touch - what should I do?
Okay, I so I had this friend and we were pretty close and I spent a lot of time and energy supporting him through his crazy life. He's quite wild and unpredictable and not very stable, despite being nearly 30, but we didn't mind - sometimes he would even come to stay with my family when he needed some sanity and my mum and brother grew to care about him too.
Anyway, during the summer, he got injured and had to go to hospital and was really down about it so I spent a lot of time talking to him on the phone, trying to cheer him up because he doesn't have any family of his own.
When he was allowed to go leave the hospital, my mum offered to drive all the way across the country to pick him up and take him back to our house so that she could look after him whilst he recovered.
She drove six hours there and six hours back so that she could get him, then she spent a week looking after him, changing his bandages, cooking for him, etc and when he was well enough to go home and look after himself, she drove him all the way home again.
Basically, my mum was a complete angel and went so far out of her way to help him, but he did not behave in the way I would expect from him. For the first couple of days, he said he was grateful, but after that, he took her help for granted, he was rude to me and generally acted like a spoilt child.
After she took him home, we didn't hear anything from him - not a single word to say thank you or let us know he was okay. I felt (and still feel!) so angry at him for treating my mum like that.
It's been over two months and we've heard nothing from him, until today, when he phoned my landline out of the blue. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say and told him I was in the middle of something and would call him back.
My question is, what to I do?? I don't really want to have anything to do with him any more after all that happened, but I don't want to have to confront him about his behaviour either. What should I do?
tl;dr - an old friend got into trouble, then completely took me and my family for granted when we were trying to help him, he then spent two months ignoring us and now wants to get back in touch - what should I do?
First of all can I just say What a bloody idiot he turned out to be. Nowadays doing too much for someone has side effects e.g. ungratefulness. Secondly I think you should talk to him. Ask him why he's suddenly remembered your landline number after two months of ignoring you. You should definitely talk it out as you are still angry over what happened and YOU deserve answers. Do you think he might have been jealous of you? As you said he didnt have family and you have such a caring mum. He might have missed having a family. Anyway you do need to sort the issue out. Unresolved cases really need to be resolved. After all he was your friend and friends do have annoying characteristics. Tell him he needs to understand what he did was wrong. Good luck! And do let us know how it worked out.
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Original post by SILVER_INK
First of all can I just say What a bloody idiot he turned out to be. Nowadays doing too much for someone has side effects e.g. ungratefulness. Secondly I think you should talk to him. Ask him why he's suddenly remembered your landline number after two months of ignoring you. You should definitely talk it out as you are still angry over what happened and YOU deserve answers. Do you think he might have been jealous of you? As you said he didnt have family and you have such a caring mum. He might have missed having a family. Anyway you do need to sort the issue out. Unresolved cases really need to be resolved. After all he was your friend and friends do have annoying characteristics. Tell him he needs to understand what he did was wrong. Good luck! And do let us know how it worked out.
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Thanks for your response - sometimes I wonder if I'm overreacting to his behaviour or if this is normal, so it's nice to know that my reaction is justified
I've spoken to my mum about what I should do (she was understandably disappointed by his behaviour as well) and we agreed that I would phone him tomorrow to explain why I'm so annoyed and tell him that he can't just jump in and out of our lives like this.
It's not really a conversation I'm looking forward to, but I'll let you know how it goes....
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your response - sometimes I wonder if I'm overreacting to his behaviour or if this is normal, so it's nice to know that my reaction is justified
I've spoken to my mum about what I should do (she was understandably disappointed by his behaviour as well) and we agreed that I would phone him tomorrow to explain why I'm so annoyed and tell him that he can't just jump in and out of our lives like this.
It's not really a conversation I'm looking forward to, but I'll let you know how it goes....
I've spoken to my mum about what I should do (she was understandably disappointed by his behaviour as well) and we agreed that I would phone him tomorrow to explain why I'm so annoyed and tell him that he can't just jump in and out of our lives like this.
It's not really a conversation I'm looking forward to, but I'll let you know how it goes....
Anytime mate. No it's definitely not an overreaction. Hes completely in the wrong here taking you guys for granted like that. It's always good to get a second opinion especially your mums. Good to know you'll be taking a stand. Look forward to it.
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