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Always find fault with boys
I have a serious problem with relationships. 
I want, more than anything else, to have a boyfriend I can feel comfortable and relaxed with, just be happy with. I love the sort of attention I get from guys when I find out that they like me in a 'he wants to go out with you' sort of way. During this time, I get pretty obsessed and really badly want to go out with them. However, as soon as we spend more time together/get close etc, I seem to lose interest totally because firstly, then they are 'obtainable' and secondly because I suddenly don't think they're good enough for one reason or another (be it looks, minor aspects of his personality I don't like etc), so much so that I justify to myself that I shouldn't go out with him.
I guess the perfectionist in me always thinks I could 'do better', that if he's not got the perfect personality and doesn't look like Brad Pitt, I should hold out for longer til this perfect guy comes along. I think I prefer the chase more than anything. The problem with this is it means I have a series of 'nearly' relationships and am always left alone.
I know this is my fault, but I don't feel like I can help it. It's really getting me down, I'd appreciate any advice anyone could give me.
The lyrics to the Stacie Orrico tune 'Is It Me' sort of sum up my feelings now....they really help because at least they make me feel that I'm not alone. If anyone feels the same way as me, or even just has some advice, please give me some advice!
Trying to analyze every angle, situation
Trying to find an explanation
Cause it's getting aggravating
Why my relationships never seem to work out
Beginnin' to worry and doubt
If I'm even able to detect he's the one
When to stay or when to run
Why I haven't seen the sun
Shine his light on my heart and help me ease the pain
Cause I'm getting tired of the rain
Falling on my heartbreak and I
Get my hopes up when I'm in love
Until we break up then I'm back to the
Same spot, I've been lonely, drowning
Cause every guy turns out to be the same
So now I'm questionin' is it me to blame
[CHORUS:]
Is It Me? am I so complicated?
Is It Me? or is love over-rated?
Is It Me? cause I don't quite understand
Why it never turns out how I thought I planned it
Is It Me? am I too independent?
Is It Me? not ready for commitment?
Is It Me? cause it doesn't seem to last
And it's the only question that I never asked
Maybe I'm longin' for it more than I should be expecting
All the standards that I'm setting
Unrealistically I'm getting
Possibly in the way of what is left to have in store
Because I'm so confused and insecureCause when i know for certain everything is going wrong
I permitted to prolong
Tried my best to hold on
My Mister Right's probably hanging round my window pane
While I look through only watching the rain
Falling on my heartbreak and I
Get my hopes up when I'm in love
Until we break up then I'm back to the
Same spot, I've been lonely, drowning
Cause every guy turns out to be the same
So now I'm questionin' is it me to blame
[CHORUS]
Never thought it could be that its me
Till i realized I`m the only
Common factor and played a big part
In letting people break my heartNever noticin' I was wasting time
Asking the same thing every time
Who were you with? and where were you at?
Until I took the time to turn and look back
I want, more than anything else, to have a boyfriend I can feel comfortable and relaxed with, just be happy with. I love the sort of attention I get from guys when I find out that they like me in a 'he wants to go out with you' sort of way. During this time, I get pretty obsessed and really badly want to go out with them. However, as soon as we spend more time together/get close etc, I seem to lose interest totally because firstly, then they are 'obtainable' and secondly because I suddenly don't think they're good enough for one reason or another (be it looks, minor aspects of his personality I don't like etc), so much so that I justify to myself that I shouldn't go out with him.
I guess the perfectionist in me always thinks I could 'do better', that if he's not got the perfect personality and doesn't look like Brad Pitt, I should hold out for longer til this perfect guy comes along. I think I prefer the chase more than anything. The problem with this is it means I have a series of 'nearly' relationships and am always left alone.
I know this is my fault, but I don't feel like I can help it. It's really getting me down, I'd appreciate any advice anyone could give me.
The lyrics to the Stacie Orrico tune 'Is It Me' sort of sum up my feelings now....they really help because at least they make me feel that I'm not alone. If anyone feels the same way as me, or even just has some advice, please give me some advice!
Trying to analyze every angle, situation
Trying to find an explanation
Cause it's getting aggravating
Why my relationships never seem to work out
Beginnin' to worry and doubt
If I'm even able to detect he's the one
When to stay or when to run
Why I haven't seen the sun
Shine his light on my heart and help me ease the pain
Cause I'm getting tired of the rain
Falling on my heartbreak and I
Get my hopes up when I'm in love
Until we break up then I'm back to the
Same spot, I've been lonely, drowning
Cause every guy turns out to be the same
So now I'm questionin' is it me to blame
[CHORUS:]
Is It Me? am I so complicated?
Is It Me? or is love over-rated?
Is It Me? cause I don't quite understand
Why it never turns out how I thought I planned it
Is It Me? am I too independent?
Is It Me? not ready for commitment?
Is It Me? cause it doesn't seem to last
And it's the only question that I never asked
Maybe I'm longin' for it more than I should be expecting
All the standards that I'm setting
Unrealistically I'm getting
Possibly in the way of what is left to have in store
Because I'm so confused and insecureCause when i know for certain everything is going wrong
I permitted to prolong
Tried my best to hold on
My Mister Right's probably hanging round my window pane
While I look through only watching the rain
Falling on my heartbreak and I
Get my hopes up when I'm in love
Until we break up then I'm back to the
Same spot, I've been lonely, drowning
Cause every guy turns out to be the same
So now I'm questionin' is it me to blame
[CHORUS]
Never thought it could be that its me
Till i realized I`m the only
Common factor and played a big part
In letting people break my heartNever noticin' I was wasting time
Asking the same thing every time
Who were you with? and where were you at?
Until I took the time to turn and look back
Hah, fook, you just described similar to what I go through. It's a bit of an issue atm for me too.
Although I don't get like obsessed, I just like them, then they'll do something (that I probably liked them for in the first place) that I get embarrassed of them by, or don't like - picking tiny faults that wouldn't have existed if they hadn't told me they liked me.
I dunno what the answer is tbh but it does suck.
Although I don't get like obsessed, I just like them, then they'll do something (that I probably liked them for in the first place) that I get embarrassed of them by, or don't like - picking tiny faults that wouldn't have existed if they hadn't told me they liked me.
I dunno what the answer is tbh but it does suck.
Reply 2
Oh my gawshhh you could have been describing me there 
Seriously I'm exactly like you - get a crush on someone then as soon as we get closer I analyse all their faults and decide why I actually shouldn't go out with them.
I think you should just try to remember - no one's perfect. You're young, you've got plenty of time to find 'Mr Right' and you shouldn't get too hung up about whether someone is right for you or not. I started doing that recently and have started going out with this guy who I thought I had nothing in common with - but I tried not to let that bother me and found we actually get on great together
So yeah, try not to get too worried about it, just enjoy yourself!
Seriously I'm exactly like you - get a crush on someone then as soon as we get closer I analyse all their faults and decide why I actually shouldn't go out with them.
I think you should just try to remember - no one's perfect. You're young, you've got plenty of time to find 'Mr Right' and you shouldn't get too hung up about whether someone is right for you or not. I started doing that recently and have started going out with this guy who I thought I had nothing in common with - but I tried not to let that bother me and found we actually get on great together
So yeah, try not to get too worried about it, just enjoy yourself!
Reply 3
Hmmm, well OP, what do you mean by obsessed? Just that you think of them a lot? Cos that's fine!!
Reply 4
I totally know what you mean - for me obsessed is like actually OBSESSED bordering on stalkerish!
then something happens and I just...lose interest completely.
then something happens and I just...lose interest completely.
Reply 5
Lol, I'm like this, except in the sense of saying, I wouldn't go out with this person I'll wait till someone better! Maybe everyone has a similar problem to you!
Reply 6
You've just put into words what ive been feeling my whole life
Reply 7
Don't worry, you'll find someone perfect for you one day 
Reply 8
Find your human definition of perfection, because this life is only but in a frame of imperfection therefore these flaws that add imperfection, should deepen the character behind the person you are attracted to in some or another.
Perfection in this world is what you make it, not what someone else makes...
If you want to conform to the globalisation of aesthetics or attributes then so be it... but there is a person out there for YOU.
Perfection in this world is what you make it, not what someone else makes...
If you want to conform to the globalisation of aesthetics or attributes then so be it... but there is a person out there for YOU.
Reply 9
Livethefire
Find your human definition of perfection, because this life is only but in a frame of imperfection therefore these flaws that add imperfection, should deepen the character behind the person you are attracted to in some or another.
Perfection in this world is what you make it, not what someone else makes...
If you want to conform to the globalisation of aesthetics or attributes then so be it... but there is a person out there for YOU.
Perfection in this world is what you make it, not what someone else makes...
If you want to conform to the globalisation of aesthetics or attributes then so be it... but there is a person out there for YOU.
very true. There is no perfect person, just one who may be perfect for you.
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