Over time, I have realised I don't have 'a best/close friend' that belongs to me (so to speak). This sounds silly at first sight; but allow me to explain further.
I've never had that one close friend whom valued me as the 'one' best friend. I've always had 'close mates' to me, but they always had mates whom they'd known longer or valued more for whatever reason.
I get depressed and envious at this, because the one person I regard as a 'close mate' has this other guy whom he is very very close too. So whilst I confide in my mate about all my troubles- and he does me (to some degree), it hurts to know I pale in significance when compared to him.
Its the same with my partner. She has a best mate, and I know girly mates are very close naturally, and they almost always would choose them over boyfriends/partners. But that's just it. The same vicious cycle. I know that if me and her best mate had an argument I'd lose out every time 100%. I agree in principle and morals.
However, it just kind of reflects back to me the loneliness that I feel in that I've never shared a connection that was mutually exclusive. I've never been that go to person.
What advice do you all have?
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