Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    WARNING LONG POST AHEAD!

    I've known this guy for 5 years, probably exactly 5 years, since it came up on Facebook the other month that we'd been friends on there for 5 years. LOL.

    We've been friends this entire time. He's my best friend ever, and without him I have no idea what I'd do. We go out most weekends together, talk constantly pretty much everyday, and know everything about each other mostly. I had the whole freshers experience already with him. LOL. He recently got a job, and is in his fourth year at uni, so we haven't seen each other that much. Because of this, my social life has now suffered. I have no one else to go out with, which shows how close we are. I do have other friends, but none as close as that.

    Our relationship became more than that only once, like three years ago. We made a pact that if we were stil virgins when I left school, then we would do it. That time came and, of course, I was still a virgin. So we had sex in the summer when I left school, and when he started university.

    Since then, I have had boyfriends, and attempted to sleep with other guys, but none of them have been as good as that. He told me that he hasn't slept with anyone since me. And before me, he was a virgin, though he had a girlfriend. He couldn't sleep with her because he was afraid. He said that he was glad he slept with me, since we're comfortable around each other. He tells me that he'd be scared to sleep with another girl because of anything going wrong. He says he feels so comfortable with me, and we actually laugh and joke about the awkward parts of our encounter. Every other time I've had sex it has been actually painful (maybe because they didn't care enough about me to turn me on enough?) And I've never really wanted to do it because of that. I thought something was wrong with me, but last week, after being so sexually frustrated, we had sex when we were drunk. Lol, he's studying medicine, so he said he would check me out Then we laughed and joked about that as well with no awkwardness whatsoever. I actually got upset because I value him so much and didn't want anything to change, and he told me the same thing, that nothing would change.

    Then we had sex again. Afterward he said that he had never wanted to be with anyone else. He said that he loved me. I got upset again, thinking that things would change. I realise that I love him so much, though I'm not sure if this is a friendly thing or not? Since we've been through so much together, and never really had friends as close as us. He just told me that we didn't have to put a label on anything, and he wouldn't care if we never have sex again, he just didn't want me to be with anyone else. He said he couldn't even imagine himself being with anyone else. Honestly I can't imagine myself being with anyone else either, as my past experiences have been so bad.

    I'm so confused here. We just joke about it. LOL. Like he wrote me a paragraph, and I told him that I was cringing because it was so cheesy. We said that we would have sex once every three years, so we'd see each other in 2018. He insulted a band that I liked, and asked if I'd still love him. We always insult each other in a funny kind of way, and I would never want that to change. But I'm afraid that if we start 'seeing' each other, then everything would change. Like if we broke up in the future or anything, then I would lose the best friendship I've ever had. I've never known of anyone that has stayed close friends with their ex.

    And I know this sounds absolutely stupid, but I don't want people to know we are boyfriend and girlfriend because every single time someone has asked we've obviously said no. I don't want to be proving everyone right about us, and that boys/girls can't be just friends

    What would you do in this situation? I'm so confused here about everything and upset because I do love him so much, but I don't want anything at all to change.

    Sorry for the long post, I've never had a chance to vent this all IRL.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anyone have anything to say? I'm going mental over this is it possible for girls/guys to stay friends with these feelings involved?
    Online

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Nope. It's not possible. Feelings will obviously submerge at a point

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MBA1)
    its long story so Im not red it
    Basically he said that he loves me after we've been friends for 5 years, and I'm not sure I love him back. Though he means everything to me. We've been best friends this entire time, and if I lose him then I will probably have no one. I don't want anything to change between us, but if we're in a relationship then everything will change. If we break up, I've never heard of anyone that stays friends with their exes.

    So question is, are my feelings towards him just friendship, since we've been friends this entire time, or is this genuine love? Also, could we go back to being friends if we pursued a relationship, and even if we ignored these feelings, could we still be friends? Would everything change (despite being close to each other for 5 years)?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I don't understand. What are you afraid of? It's not like your friendship is a sent from God promise that you'll always, i.e. forever, have some kind of positive relations. Friends can fall out with each other too, so you might lose him either way. Besides, it's already happening - as a guy, I would assume that the dude is right now like googling up ways to escape the friendzone, so it'll be more awkward to stop the progression of the relationship and leave him hopeless.

    I say go for it.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by frostyy)
    I don't understand. What are you afraid of? It's not like your friendship is a sent from God promise that you'll always, i.e. forever, have some kind of positive relations. Friends can fall out with each other too, so you might lose him either way. Besides, it's already happening - as a guy, I would assume that the dude is right now like googling up ways to escape the friendzone, so it'll be more awkward to stop the progression of the relationship and leave him hopeless.

    I say go for it.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Haha thanks. We have been friends for 5 years and never really fallen out in a huge way, though

    I guess I do have a lot of stupid fears.

    I just don't want to tell people, that's the main thing. He's stayed at my house a lot, especially when we were younger, and my parents like him. I just don't want them to think we've been doing stuff behind their backs this entire time. Especially not his mother, since she's all old-fashioned, as in not letting girls stay over and stuff. But she let me stay over all the time, as she trusts us. I also wouldn't want to tell other people for the same reasons and everyone just laughing and saying they told us so.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just don't want to tell people, that's the main thing. He's stayed at my house a lot, especially when we were younger, and my parents like him. I just don't want them to think we've been doing stuff behind their backs this entire time. Especially not his mother, since she's all old-fashioned, as in not letting girls stay over and stuff. But she let me stay over all the time, as she trusts us. I also wouldn't want to tell other people for the same reasons and everyone just laughing and saying they told us so.
    These reasons are ridiculous. Yes, it may seem like a big deal at the moment and it might be awkward telling people, but you have the potential of your best friend as your boyfriend which may last year or forever. Having your friends giggle that they saw it coming is the smallest price ever to pay for that. Put things in perspective. I wish you all the best!
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    It sounds like you do both have romantic feelings for one another. It's not unusual for these kinds of feelings to develop out of a close friendship. I personally had always imagined dating someone who I could also consider to me my best friend. There are a lot of 'what ifs', and it's perfectly valid for you to feel worried about these. You need to weigh up the good 'what ifs' with the bad. So far, your natural responses seem to be negative: what if we break up? What if things change? What if people laugh? Well how about the good? What if it does work out? What if you make each other incredibly happy? What if you've found the love of your life? It seems you are close enough to this guy to be able to voice your concerns, but don't forget to talk about the good points too.

    I very much believe in following your heart over your head, and it doesn't always work out, but at least if you do get hurt, you'll know it was because you went for what you wanted, rather than because you held back and let it slip through your fingers.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Sound advice from above

    Sometimes you just need to let go of your reservations and believe you and me, I know exactly how you feel. I have held back from being with folk because of the same worries and anxieties

    The thing is OP, you may actually end up without him at some point being with/without him romantically, e.g. you could continue with the unlabelled relationship and one of you can end up hurt. Likewise, you can be hurt or hurt him if things don't work.

    I say go for it! Sounds like you both have feelings for each other.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Jeez y'all so silly lol. Just start dating officially already :P
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you so much for the advice everyone I think we're just going to take it slow at first and not just jump into it, so we don't have to go around advertising or anything.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 29, 2015
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.