I'm writing because I am often very sad about having so much of my life stolen away from me by my crazy, controlling, manipulative and downright abusive parents. My life has been controlled emotionally, through intimidation, through manipulation, and through economic means until I was 24, and I am now 28.
I had a breakdown when I was in my late teens because of all the craziness that I had had to endure for all of that time, and the resulting opportunities that I had taken away from me because of it as well. My life was in the absolute pits, I left uni, was homeless for a period, and things were just rock bottom, through the fault of those who should have nurtured me. I had worked harder than anyone I knew as far as I could tell and while they were able to pursue some sort of future, I was stopped. The reason for this situation was because of the tactics employed by my parents in ever increasing intensity. I worked so hard, and was so resourceful in trying to solve the problems they caused, but it became too much and I lost all reason for wanting to continue in life. I became suicidal and didn't see any future for myself at all. I was psychologically very traumatised (and still am in many ways) from many things that happened, and also my perspective on the world had been so controlled from a young age that I didn't trust anyone in authority positions, such as teachers etc. in fear that they were working on prerogative that would harm me. I had been trained, from a young age, to fear anyone that could have loosened my parents control over me.
I had nowhere else to go, and I couldn't see homelessness leading me anywhere so I went back to my parents place to have an address (having to beg them to stay there), and again enduring more abuse from them. I was struggling with very bad depression by this time and trying as hard as possible to get a job, the recession hit and I ended up working part time in a supermarket and volunteering part time. Eventually by the time I was 22 and a half I got a better job (though it was still low paying) and was able to save up to move out somewhere. During the time from moving back in, I was expected to pay a big percentage of what I was earning to my parents, but also I ended up paying so that my sister could be given money to attend University. Eventually I got out, though; I was 24 and a half when I got away and I can't tell you the feeling. The problem is many fold, however and there are things they have done to me which can't currently be physically wholly repaired (although who knows one day). I live with a huge sense of loss, pain and grief.
On the bright side, however, things have improved massively in the last 3 and a half years since I got away. There has been a lot of progress on many fronts; emotionally, spiritually (I don't follow any religion, but spirituality has a place for me), financially, educationally, career wise, and in respect to other goals etc. and I really am grateful for that. I am now back at University, have just started my second year studying Politics, Philosophy and Economics BA (Hons) and got just shy of a first for year one. I also took a MENSA test at the uni last year and I actually became a member of MENSA. I know those tests have a lot of drawbacks to them, but it was nice to have some sort of recognition for my potential/abilities etc.
I find it very difficult, though, when I think of all the potential I have had thrown away because of the situation I grew up in. I really tried my best, but still I have had so much wasted. I find it especially hard being reminded of my age by so many people at uni as well, although luckily everyone here assumes I am about the same age as them until they are informed, which I am again grateful for.
There are, however, other problems; I am currently significantly overweight (although to look at me I don't think anyone would say I was obese), partly down to the amount of time and effort I have had to spend building other aspects of my life, and this is difficult for me (as it is for anyone overweight of course), although I am making this a priority to sort out now. I just feel like it is a toll of the experiences I have had, and also an effect of medication I was put on for a period, which is when it really first started to pile on significantly. Again it is another obstacle I am still dealing with as a consequence of the past.
I am optimistic about many things, but I sometimes feel like my life is disappearing before my eyes, and that I am very far behind where I should be, and could have been. The friends that remain from when I was a teenager seem to be in a totally different stage of life, having children, buying houses etc. and here I am just trying to lay the foundations of my adult life and trying to have the experiences that I have missed (which again I am grateful that I can do at least to some degree now). It creates a sort of loneliness in a way, especially so when I have no immediate family to talk to (although I have, in recent years, manage to build links with other family members, which again I am very grateful for). I don't know what to say really. I suppose I wonder if anyone else has had anything similar, or if anyone has any wise words, or encouragement, or any kind of constructive feedback.
If you have made it to this point in my writing, thanks for reading, and I look forward to hopefully hearing from some of you.
All the best.
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Stolen possibilities and abuse watch
- Thread Starter
- 01-01-1970 01:00
Offline21ReputationRep:TSR Support Team
- TSR Support Team
- 07-11-2015 21:13
I'm not too sure what to suggest but I'm very sorry you had to go through all that growing up. It's really good that you've managed to turn it round this much though! Are you still seeing anyone about how you feel about all this? Uni support services should be get you counselling or therapy a lot faster than on the NHS, your GP is still worth talking to as well but it sounds to me like you could really benefit from something like that. The other thing is- you're in your 20s, you still have your whole life ahead of you! I know you're a few years behind other people on your course but I'm sure you're not the oldest there and as you say most people wouldn't even know unless you told them. It doesn't mean you can't still do everything anyone else might do, and the fact that you've come from where you have makes that even more of an achievement. Good luck!
- 07-11-2015 21:21
I agree with what Furry has said. If you ever need someone to talk to, you're welcome to PM me. I had a pretty volatile childhood so I relate to a lot of what you've said. You're not alone. You've done really well to overcome the bull**** that you've been put through, a lot of people wouldn't have been able to cope as well as you did! You should be proud of yourself.
- Thread Starter
- 26-12-2015 18:37
Thanks so much for getting back to me. I have seen people on and off for years now. Some have been more helpful than others, but unfortunately standards seem to vary wildly. I did go to the Uni counsellor when I first started but I found that there was only one and she was not very good. She didn't seem to be able to take on board what I was saying to her about my experiences and instead she palmed me off onto the NHS services anyway. In fact, when I came to collect some information about the referral she made due to experiencing many delays, I was told to stand and wait outside in the car park (I walked there) and not even allowed up into the reception. I guess the other thing is I am so busy right now that it is hard to find the time to see someone, I saw an NHS guy eventually, but they only see you for a certain number of weeks and it was hard even then to fit them in, because i need to work to support myself etc. and I am trying to get in better physical shape.
Thanks for getting back to me though. I feel to defeated sometimes, but I try not to show it too much to people. It's good to know there are people out there who care about others though, so thanks a lot.