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Is it ever OK to go out with your friend's ex boyfriend?

I have quite a wide circle of friends at Uni who all know each other either on the same course or go to the same societies etc. I have been friends with C (female) and R (male) for about two years now, they both know each other. They are both very close friends of mine. When I first met R I had feelings for him and so did he, but I only found this out recently after we did a bit of confessing when we were both drunk. R and C dated for 2 months earlier this year before R ended it because he didn't think the relationship was going anywhere. C took this quite badly as it was her first proper relationship.

Two months on and R has admitted his feelings to me and wants to be in a relationship. Where would you stand on this? Right or wrong to pursue it??

Reply 1

panophobic

I was in a similar situation earlier this month because a guy I'd liked on/off for over a year decided to confess to me that he had liked me for a while after he got drunk one night. However, this guy had dated my friend before, and is very well known for having a lot of casual sex.

Anyway, I'd recommend to just think for yourself for a minute. What do you want? Are you after a relationship?

Ultimately, consider this; would you risk your friendship with C for a relationship with R.

It doesn't have to be a big deal if you do decide to pursue a relationship with R. Talk to C about it, and explain the situation to her. Tell her that you understand if she's upset with you, or if she doesn't want to be with you when you're together, or even that she may need some time to process things as they stand, but make sure she knows that she is an important person in your life and that you don't want to compromise your friendship with her over a boy; make sure she knows how long you have liked him and that it's not just a 'fling'.

Personally, I would have pursued a relationship with the guy I liked, if I wasn't so inexperienced/scare of his past/happy being single/applying to a different universities to him. There really was no future for us, I guess.

If you seriously like this guy, I'd say you have every right to pursue a relationship with him - you will always regret it if not. Remember, friendships don't last forever, but if C is a true friend, she will forgive you.

Relationships are a sticky mess eh.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

Maid Marian

If you want to stay friends with this girl and then no.

Reply 3

Chicken.M.

If she has a problem with it then she's mega immature.

Reply 4

Appazap

depends on the friend. If they bang on about "girl code" then its a no. if you've discussed it before and they've said they wouldn't care then you're allowed to slide in.

Ask her in general terms like "what would you do if..." and if she kicks off you know that its a no.

Reply 5

King Mal

Original post by ChickenMadness

If she has a problem with it then she's mega immature.

That is cold blooded. What's next, her sister?
I could never date an ex's friend, just weird. Unless it's a 3some.

Nonplussed.

Original post by King Mal

That is cold blooded. What's next, her sister?
I could never date an ex's friend, just weird. Unless it's a 3some.

She already has a life. She shouldn't be trying to control other people's. Her sister can date who ever she wants.

Reply 8

King Mal

Original post by ChickenMadness

She already has a life. She shouldn't be trying to control other people's. Her sister can date who ever she wants.

I reread the OP because it looked like an algebra problem but "R and C" were only together for 2 mths. So in that case, it's a greenlight.

Ok. After this one.

It really depends on your attitude.

Some people go by the maxim "boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever" in which case, it would seem callous or inappropriate for you to date a guy who has dumped your friend.

Personally, however, I think that my partner is the most important person - my boyfriend is the one I will have children with and grown old with, whereas friends come in and out of my life depending on circumstance.

If you have feelings for this guy and think it could be serious, then I think it's fine for you to give it a go - would you want to risk missing out on your future life partner just to spare the feelings of a friend you may never see after you finish university?

As I said, it really depends on what you think, but if C is likely to kick up a stink about it, then both you and R will need to be prepared for the muck hitting the fan.