Is cheating as rife as it seems? watch

royal1990 · 28-10-2015 18:00

I keep hearing recently about people cheating on their partners and it just seems so rife nowadays, particularly among youngsters (teens to twenties). Although, it is disappointing to learn that even married couples are at it (having affairs and what not).

To me it is really really disappointing that there probably is a majority of the human race that has cheated their partner. This in and of itself makes me feel depressed.

I think it is on the rise because in todays age, it is encouraged somewhat with the existence of Facebook/social media and evolving technologies, but it also seems to be accepted. I know of people that had been cheated on, and the friends of the cheater always covered it up for them (whether because they were best mates or closely connected). I think it is wrong.

It is not just a tech concern, but it is more a concern for the human race, facilitating and covering for cheaters is even more disgusting. Also, I'm not sure if this is at all a relevant or real display of cheating, but for example, there is a lot of pornographic material on the net of cheating spouses/partners. This too, while is sexually stimulating on the one hand (as a visual medium), is actually repulsive, morally.

Are this issues people care about anymore? What do you all think?

tl

1. Cheating seems to be rife nowadays; people are cheating on their spouses all the time, often unexpectedly.

2. tech and social media has facilitated this; however, a bigger issue is that humans have a need to protect the cheater in some instances. I.e close mates of the cheater, and this is more disturbing and disgusting in itself.

3. Although slightly off the beaten track, there is a lot of pornographic material online showing cheating spouses engaged in acts. This on the one hand is stimulating, whilst degrading and disgusting because morally it is wrong. I have a strong compass. What do you think??

georgiaswift · 28-10-2015 18:02

I think there always has been and always will be cheaters, just as there always has been and always will be loyal people. I think it's just easier to catch the cheaters now, because social media and the Internet is so readily available

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:02

(Original post by georgiaswift)
I think there always has been and always will be cheaters, just as there always has been and always will be loyal people. I think it's just easier to catch the cheaters now, because social media and the Internet is so readily available

Likewise, social media and the internet allows a certain level of secrecy. One of the down-falls of technology.

Thing is, many people closer to the cheater tend to be loyal. I.e. best mates and close family relatives are less likely to dob in a cheater. Regardless of guilt of not.

This is really the epitome of the completely selfish society we live in. For arguments sake, lets say, your the cheater...although its wrong, your Father/Mother or indeed your mates ain't going to say a thing. Even if it opposes their moral compass. Their obligations are toward you. Which really, is selfish.

What about the poor soul that has been betrayed?

This is really what this thread is about. The deeper psychological traumas and inherent flaws within society. There again, nobody really gives a damn.

Technology reinforces things, and allows 'those in the know' to communicate and cajole amongst each other. I guess Facebook spits in the face of the innocent in this respect. Its a blessing but also a curse.

Guess I just have a very very deep psychological hatred for cheaters. My Father cheated on my Mother. Left the family unit for another woman. Some very good mates of mine have been cheated on by seemingly honest and amazing partners (completely unexpected). But also, I often feel paranoid (about my own relationship) due to these experiences and it makes me think 'who can we really trust'?

That 2Fase · 29-10-2015 00:08

People 'cheat' because the concept of monogamy is deeply flawed, it does not work. It's impossible for any man to be satisfied by just a single woman. No woman is that good.

Dheorl · 29-10-2015 00:16

(Original post by That 2Fase)
People 'cheat' because the concept of monogamy is deeply flawed, it does not work. It's impossible for any man to be satisfied by just a single woman. No woman is that good.

You need to go out and meet more women.

Dheorl · 29-10-2015 00:22

Where I was working over summer at an activity centre with live in staff there was huge amounts of cheating. I would have said at least 50% of the people who had partners at home cheated. Some said they didn't have partners at home in the hope people wouldn't judge them. Some screwed many people, not just one. And many were happy to help these people cheat.

I would have liked to have just emailed all their partners back home, but equally it was often just rumours, I didn't know the partner in any way and frankly I don't care about their lives enough. Although when two of them interfered with mine I would have literally beaten them all the way to the ambulance if I saw them but that's a different story.

Yes, it did make me feel slightly sad about the state of relationships, but fortunately not everyone does it, and if you choose carefully you can find people who are honest and who you can trust to not do such things.

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:26

(Original post by That 2Fase)
People 'cheat' because the concept of monogamy is deeply flawed, it does not work. It's impossible for any man to be satisfied by just a single woman. No woman is that good.

Many people say this, and feel that monogamy is an outdated view/old fashioned etc. Particularly in this age of 'friends with benefits' and 'open relationships'.

Personally, I feel the above just pollutes 'loyalty' and 'honesty' in relationships. No longer is it possible to maintain a strong relationship. People have this insatiable urge to stray, thanks to our liberalised society.

I believe in open-mindedness...trust me, I'm no victorian. But I certainly believe in honesty, modesty and openness about sexual feelings. If people were more honest, cheating wouldn't happen.

What is so flawed about monogamy? I'm interested in your specific views.

Thing is, I think our generation is highly sexualised and de-sensitised; that its almost acceptable to have as many partners as we want, inflict as much pain as we like on partners, and to lead reckless sexual identity/ and life.

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:33

(Original post by Dheorl)
Where I was working over summer at an activity centre with live in staff there was huge amounts of cheating. I would have said at least 50% of the people who had partners at home cheated. Some said they didn't have partners at home in the hope people wouldn't judge them. Some screwed many people, not just one. And many were happy to help these people cheat.

I would have liked to have just emailed all their partners back home, but equally it was often just rumours, I didn't know the partner in any way and frankly I don't care about their lives enough. Although when two of them interfered with mine I would have literally beaten them all the way to the ambulance if I saw them but that's a different story.

Yes, it did make me feel slightly sad about the state of relationships, but fortunately not everyone does it, and if you choose carefully you can find people who are honest and who you can trust to not do such things.

These are the sorts of stories that disgust me. This really does repulse me. Not only is cheating okay, but its facilitated. These are the sorts of stories my thread emphasises.

See, I'd feel an inclination to email their partners regardless. I have a strong moral compass, and whilst I'd feel awful for been a 'nosey parker' I'd feel their partner was owed the truth.

I completely agree about been careful with selection of a partner. But really, do we truly have the clarity to know who to trust or not?

In all honesty, my partner could cheat on me tomorrow, I wouldn't suspect anything, because frankly (in theory) I am not looking for it. Therefore, out of sight out of mind. If I was suspecting it, and it happened its the reverse.

By what do we measure trustworthiness a lover/spouse?

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:35

(Original post by Dheorl)
Where I was working over summer at an activity centre with live in staff there was huge amounts of cheating. I would have said at least 50% of the people who had partners at home cheated. Some said they didn't have partners at home in the hope people wouldn't judge them. Some screwed many people, not just one. And many were happy to help these people cheat.

I would have liked to have just emailed all their partners back home, but equally it was often just rumours, I didn't know the partner in any way and frankly I don't care about their lives enough. Although when two of them interfered with mine I would have literally beaten them all the way to the ambulance if I saw them but that's a different story.

Yes, it did make me feel slightly sad about the state of relationships, but fortunately not everyone does it, and if you choose carefully you can find people who are honest and who you can trust to not do such things.

Also, this makes me pretty angsty/nervous/paranoid. My mrs. worked in an activity centre type place. Actually it was in a summer school...working in a welfare role looking after teenagers on trips, administration and socialising.

Makes me very curious....

neal95 · 29-10-2015 00:36

yep a lot of girls in my area have boyfriends but are shagging mates of mine. pretty disrespectful actually

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:42

(Original post by neal95)
yep a lot of girls in my area have boyfriends but are shagging mates of mine. pretty disrespectful actually

Completely disgusting isn't it. Not only disrespectful. Are these older girls or at the age of immaturity still?

I just find the concept of having to face a partner you supposedly 'love' and then letting another man stick his bits inside you (and all the rest of it happen) and then go home back to your partner completely free of guilt- an incredibly unforgivable and disgusting action.

It makes me feel ill. But to some people it is 'just sex'. I've heard many people tell me this time and time and time again...

Not it isn't just sex! Well at least in my opinion...

Dheorl · 29-10-2015 00:42

(Original post by royal1990)
These are the sorts of stories that disgust me. This really does repulse me. Not only is cheating okay, but its facilitated. These are the sorts of stories my thread emphasises.

See, I'd feel an inclination to email their partners regardless. I have a strong moral compass, and whilst I'd feel awful for been a 'nosey parker' I'd feel their partner was owed the truth.

I completely agree about been careful with selection of a partner. But really, do we truly have the clarity to know who to trust or not?

In all honesty, my partner could cheat on me tomorrow, I wouldn't suspect anything, because frankly (in theory) I am not looking for it. Therefore, out of sight out of mind. If I was suspecting it, and it happened its the reverse.

By what do we measure trustworthiness a lover/spouse?

I have a fairly strong moral compass, but I decided to just make them feel like **** about it for the duration of the summer and constantly be checking themselves and worrying about who knew. If I just told their partner they might not believe me, or might just forgive them. Making them pay myself is more my way.

I guess when it comes to picking someone who doesn't cheat, it comes down to how good a judge of character you are and how easily you can weed out lies.

neal95 · 29-10-2015 00:44

(Original post by royal1990)
Completely disgusting isn't it. Not only disrespectful. Are these older girls or at the age of immaturity still?

I just find the concept of having to face a partner you supposedly 'love' and then letting another man stick his bits inside you (and all the rest of it happen) and then go home back to your partner completely free of guilt- an incredibly unforgivable and disgusting action.

It makes me feel ill. But to some people it is 'just sex'. I've heard many people tell me this time and time and time again...

Not it isn't just sex! Well at least in my opinion...

agreed mate well the girls are 17/18 and the males 19/20 but yeah if that was my girlfriend and i caught them cheating they would end up 6 feet under. im not having it under my watch. its a slight to me and i take it very seriously

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:45

Some people have this ability to just view it 'as sex' and 'just sex'...and can separate it from the 'love' but to me its all the same.

This sort of slap-dash attitude to: 'oh its just sex goodness me' is very kind of repulsive for me.

If you love your partner you will only have sex with them. In fact, as a majority, you'd feel the inclination to have sex with them over others.

Sure they urge is still there- you can feel attraction to others- but it doesn't dominate your being.

If it does, then do you truly love your spouse?

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:50

(Original post by Dheorl)
I have a fairly strong moral compass, but I decided to just make them feel like **** about it for the duration of the summer and constantly be checking themselves and worrying about who knew. If I just told their partner they might not believe me, or might just forgive them. Making them pay myself is more my way.

I guess when it comes to picking someone who doesn't cheat, it comes down to how good a judge of character you are and how easily you can weed out lies.

Agreed on the 'judge of character' point. Sadly, it depends on us as people to trust our own abilities. For me, personally, I am kind of blinded by love.

Not saying my mrs. is cheating, but if she definitely were (hypothetical) then I'd have a hard time proving it, and part of me would trust her still.

I guess its one of those situations where you need cold hard solid proof. Though, people that cheat, particularly ruthless ones make no real effort to conceal it.

Its like rubbing it in the faces of the innocent.

As for your first point; psychological warfare is the best form of attack. If anything, what gives me the greatest pleasure is inflicting pain upon those that deserve it, and making them paranoid and stressed is the ultimate retaliation/revenge.

Just a bloody shame these cowardly pricks exist in our society....

Rakas21 · 29-10-2015 00:59

Your right OP.

1) We've seen a moral decline in society, people care less about honour and loyalty

2) For all the good points, feminism has created a generation of women who are as slutty as men and are taught that men being critical of them are being misogynistic.

If one wants to find a woman worthy to produce their heirs, they need to find the gem in a sea of slutty and care free urine.

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 00:59

(Original post by neal95)
agreed mate well the girls are 17/18 and the males 19/20 but yeah if that was my girlfriend and i caught them cheating they would end up 6 feet under. im not having it under my watch. its a slight to me and i take it very seriously

Agreed mate. I feel exactly the same. I'm 25 and I still feel very much the same. If and partner/prospective or not cheated on me, she'd be buried in the garden (honest).

No excuses. No sympathy/empathy and no shortcuts.

Cheating is cheating. Guilt is guilt, and actually, cheating causes a lot of psychological pain, which, in my opinion runs deeper than physical.

My brother had an ex, she cheated on him. Didn't even introduce him to her folks as her boyfriend. She led him on, pathologically lied. Had a split personality and was psychotic. She ruined his life, smashed his confidence and self-esteem, he spent the best part of 6 months in his room. Isolated. Lonely.

He attempted suicide by overdose, and nearly succeeded. Was assessed by psychiatrist and under the care of a therapist. Even today, five years on, he is still blighted by her.

Meanwhile, she continues to date men sporadically and does the same thing.

Words can describe how I feel about her. Really and truly.

Really, the girls are young still? Perhaps it is an age thing? Guess we can't jump to conclusions. For some it could be a personality variable, for others an age (immaturity thing).

Some girls at 17/18 don't know what they want, and so will **** anyone, regardless of exclusivity.

If you'd have said the girls were 20-25 I'd have another opinion.

Though, equally, they could be psychopaths.

My bro's ex was 19/20 when she messed him up.

royal1990 · 29-10-2015 01:03

(Original post by Rakas21)
Your right OP.

1) We've seen a moral decline in society, people care less about honour and loyalty

2) For all the good points, feminism has created a generation of women who are as slutty as men and are taught that men being critical of them are being misogynistic.

If one wants to find a woman worthy to produce their heirs, they need to find the gem in a sea of slutty and care free urine.

I agree with your post.

Loyalty and honour do not exist at all.

It is disgusting really and truly, and honesty, I'd love to slay such people (as extreme as it sounds).

There is physical pain, that can be seen and treated. But the psychological pain caused by such a trauma as cheating is unseen, often difficult to treat, and can linger for a lifetime.

It is appalling that many people have such a care-free attitude so as to let cheating slip, and with this the psychological pain also. To me, letting cheating go, is like letting people suffer. I.e. those that the cheating most impacts.

georgiaswift · 29-10-2015 11:07

(Original post by royal1990)
Likewise, social media and the internet allows a certain level of secrecy. One of the down-falls of technology.

Thing is, many people closer to the cheater tend to be loyal. I.e. best mates and close family relatives are less likely to dob in a cheater. Regardless of guilt of not.

This is really the epitome of the completely selfish society we live in. For arguments sake, lets say, your the cheater...although its wrong, your Father/Mother or indeed your mates ain't going to say a thing. Even if it opposes their moral compass. Their obligations are toward you. Which really, is selfish.

What about the poor soul that has been betrayed?

This is really what this thread is about. The deeper psychological traumas and inherent flaws within society. There again, nobody really gives a damn.

Technology reinforces things, and allows 'those in the know' to communicate and cajole amongst each other. I guess Facebook spits in the face of the innocent in this respect. Its a blessing but also a curse.

Guess I just have a very very deep psychological hatred for cheaters. My Father cheated on my Mother. Left the family unit for another woman. Some very good mates of mine have been cheated on by seemingly honest and amazing partners (completely unexpected). But also, I often feel paranoid (about my own relationship) due to these experiences and it makes me think 'who can we really trust'?

Completely agree, but it wouldn't let me rep you. Due to a past bad experience, I feel very insecure in my own relationship, even though I know that he would not ever cheat on me. He very clearly and openly loves me, and I do trust him, but due to my past experience, I am and probably always will be scared of it happening

DanB1991 · 29-10-2015 11:44

(Original post by royal1990)
1. Cheating seems to be rife nowadays; people are cheating on their spouses all the time, often unexpectedly.

2. tech and social media has facilitated this; however, a bigger issue is that humans have a need to protect the cheater in some instances. I.e close mates of the cheater, and this is more disturbing and disgusting in itself.

3. Although slightly off the beaten track, there is a lot of pornographic material online showing cheating spouses engaged in acts. This on the one hand is stimulating, whilst degrading and disgusting because morally it is wrong. I have a strong compass. What do you think??

No1 is a massive misconception, mostly caused by the belief that old fashioned values, for example 'victorian values' were upheld by the majority.

For example prostitution is quite a hidden thing these days despite being legal. During ww2 most armies would provide prostitutes for their soldiers, british, US and french included. Odds are your grandfathers and great grandfathers would of used them, and also gossiped and gone to brothels with their mates.

This also applies for cheating, cheating has always been very common, I think in one study in Aus, they found one town where an extremely large proportion of children were not being brought up by their biological father. Older generations, were just as bad if not worse.

No2 only highlights the difference in modern society. Back before mobile phones and social media, cheating occurred within fairly close circles, aka friendship groups, neighbours, locals etc. Thus the milkman stereotype in this regard being very famous. All that social media has now done is enabled people to go outside this groups in the hopes of less chance of being caught.

That said the main effect of social media is made it much easier to be caught. Back in the day you pretty much had to be caught in the act, and obvious non legitimate child or be snitched on by someone in the loop. These days texts, facebook messages, email history, phone bills, card bills etc all get people caught. Basically while social media allows people to hook up with strangers, it also drastically increases the chances of getting caught out.

No3, porn being the main culprit? Not too sure about that. In france for example adultery has been an extremely long term social norm. In fact the social norm in france is the partner to accept it and not cause a fuss seeing most affairs don't last a year. In places like Germany, when my dad was stationed there in the 70's, the government created a tradition to raise births, basically the husbands stayed at home and their wives went out on the pull with masks on, with the mask being removed at midnight. Children born roughly 9 months later would receive extra child benefits. These are all much more noticeable example of society accepting or encouraging cheating, porn by comparison I find is much less of an issue.

If you cba to read all that, my general thoughts are, it's not more common these days, just you're more likely to get caught out.

Revision home

Revision discussion

Help with your subject

Tools and resources

Unconditional offer...

New uni friend is ghosting me

Kid stole credit card and ran away to Bali

Predicted grades if you did exams next week?

Can't find my study motivation

See more of what you like on The Student Room

Groups associated with this forum:

See more of what you like on The Student Room

Shortcuts

Get Started

Using TSR

Info

TSR Group

Connect with TSR

Revision home

Revision discussion

Help with your subject

Tools and resources

Is cheating as rife as it seems? watch

Unconditional offer...

New uni friend is ghosting me

Kid stole credit card and ran away to Bali

Predicted grades if you did exams next week?

Can't find my study motivation

See more of what you like on The Student Room

Groups associated with this forum:

Spotlight

See more of what you like on The Student Room

Shortcuts

Get Started

Using TSR

Info

TSR Group

Connect with TSR