The Student Room Group

Sex related questions...curious....

I've always been pretty embarrassed talking about sex. My sex education at school has been abysmal. I am 20 soon to be 21 and most of it has come from TSR! I was brought up a Catholic and was taught the whole sex before marriage thing. I do not have a boyfriend at the moment but I do have a friend who is a guy who I have grown incredibly sexually attracted to. The feeling is mutual :redface:. There is this tension between us and we have never been alone anywhere together and I am wary of the fact that if we were things might happen. We are both adults (both 21) so it's not like that's an issue. I just have a few questions

*Since I'm not his girlfriend, would sleeping with him make me loose?
* It would be my first time :s-smilie: , so is a condom enough? I'm not planning this to be a regular thing...well I don't know yet but would I need to go on some form of contraception?
* Is it wrong that I actually want to sleep with him? I feel like I'd be doing something wrong especially as I'm not in a relationship with him.:rolleyes:

It's not that I'm planning anything but I just wanted to be aware in case anything happened because things get a bit 'heated' at times :p: LOL

Thank you in advance and I apologise for how naive I sound. Any comments and advice would be much appreciated.

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no one can tell you, if you feel ready and want to do it then do it no one will judge you.
You're not serious about the first question, are you?
Anonymous
no one can tell you, if you feel ready and want to do it then do it no one will judge you.

*No
*Yes
*No
Reply 4
1) No
2) Yes, providing it doesn't split.
3) You're human. In my opinion instinct > religion.
Technically condoms are not 100% effective, but for what may potentially only be once they will more than suffice. Its generally recommended that if you're doing it often then you should think about some other form of contraception to act as a back up. Do make sure you use them properly though (just a thought- hopefully your sparse sex ed will have covered this!)
On your other point I don't think you can say anything as black and white as this is wrong or not- sex is so open to interpretation. If you feel entirely comfortable with it, and your conscience is ok with it then its perfectly ok. Different people think different things. My personal opinion is that if you're attracted to him, and he's attracted to you then go for it. If you're good friends (as i think you say you are) then you should be able to continue a relationship in one form or another afterwards... Have fun!
Personally, I don't think your being naive is a abd thing - the fact you can come out and ask thse questions is definitely a step in the right direction!

First off, I"m not so sure how to answer your first question. If it's going to be a regular thing, I could see your reputation getting a little tarnished if you aren't going out with him. Is it just a sexual attraction bewteen the two of you? Could there be something more? If so, why not consider a relationship with the guy?

Secondly, using a condom never hurts. It's always better to be safe than sorry (even if he moans like hell about having to use one - make him use one anyway). If you plan on having sex with him regularly, why not ask your GP to put you on the contraceptive pill? Hwoever, this doesn't protect against STI's, so using a condom ontop of the Pill, seeing as it is casual sex is always a good thing.

Finalement, it's not wrong that you want to sleep with him. It's natural for a start. I can understand about your quarms about not being his girlfriend or fiancee or whatever, but wanting to sleep with someone is not wrong. Besides, you're more than old enough, and you're certainly old enough to know what you want. As long as you both state that it's just for sex and don't get attached then emotions don't get involved. If you both begin to feel for each other in a deeper sense - bonus! Not being afraid to go out and get what you want is definitely not a bad thing. The people who say that it is are just jealous.

BUT remember to be careful!!
Reply 7
loose? in the sense of morally loose or phsically loose down there? If its the latter then most certianly not, even if hes hung like a bull. Personally dont think it makes you morally loose.

Condom is well enough, just make sure it ges put on right so dont snap.

Its not wrong in society any more if you ask me, and its not morally damaging unless your a total slut. The way i look at it is some people think its really, really relgious to go and kill other innocent civilians, and yet some people think its a really big religious sin to sleep with someone you like. Anyway, some think it kinky knowing their doing somthing 'wrong'. Actually, arent most catholics in South America? All they do is shag and they can't alllll be married.

Also, its not as if you just met him in a club. You do have a pre-existing relationship in terms of friendship. You might also end up getting into a relationship.

Bascially what im saying is, screw god and get down!
Reply 8
In answer to your questions...
* No, sleeping with someone who isn't your boyfriend does not make you loose.
* Condoms are pretty reliable, provided you know how to use them properly. Part of our sex education was to practice putting condoms onto fake penises, was pretty funny but actually useful as well, the trick is not to rush and not to get air trapped in the end (otherwise it will burst). Look online for more, because you don't want to just rely on the guy to know what he's doing. Obviously being on the pill would safeguard you more, but it's not the standard thing to do until sex becomes a more regular thing.
* Of course it's not wrong! You have some serious Catholic guilt goin' on (and I was brought up a Catholic as well so I can kind of get where you're coming from). Sexual urges are instinctive, totally unavoidable things. I must say though, you should consider the consequences of sleeping with this guy. I'm sure the sex would be enjoyable (well, actually it's your first time so it might hurt/you might bleed, but this is by no means certain), but how would it affect your everyday relationship? Also, are you sure you won't get attached? Honestly not trying to push an old stereotype but sometimes people (both male and female) find that once their urges are satisfied, sex affects them emotionally more than they expected. Please consider this.
I know some people from a christian school and literally about 80% of the girls over about 15 have got pregnant. I think it's great that you're thinking about how to have safe sex and not just relying on what you were taught at school because, I think we both know, that's not enough. Humans are naturally very sexual and so I think it's a great shame how some religions condemn sex as something to be ashamed of (not that I'm dissing your religion, I just think sex should be more celebrated). It is fine by most people's standards to have sex with someone you're not really in a relationship with, the only thing is, if you are expecting something serious to come out of the relationship, it probably won't. Boys can kind of lose a bit of respect for you if you sleep with them too soon. However, if you are prepared for that and all you want is sex then that's fine, nobody else will judge you cos it's your decision. As for contraception, I would say 'go on the pill' however, if you're only going to have sex with him once then it's probably not worth getting a pill prescription and to be honest, condoms are fine if used with care: be careful not to split it when you're putting it on; if you put it on inside out at first then throw it away and use a new one because semen could be on it (men leak semen even before they come) and you could still get pregnant and make sure that when he pulls out then he does it slowly and doesn't spill any semen.

Apart from that, all I can say is, have fun! You'll like it and you have every right to enjoy it because it's natural. I'm sorry if I sounded patronising with some of the things I said but you said you were naive! :wink: :smile:
Reply 10
Okaayy...I don't remember clicking anonymous.
Reply 11
men leak semen...


latest studies say precum has no semen in.

Also, if your just going for one nighters, the pill is a waste, becasue i some girl i dont even know said to me 'im on the pill' i wouldnt beleive her, so ud just end up putting on a rubber anyway. If your having regualr sex with the same dude, then the pill is good.
I just think sex should be more celebrated


That's a misconception. Christianity doesn't condemn sex. It just condemns sex outside of marriage.
Reply 13
Ok fine, I think sex outside of marriage shouldn't be seen as shameful.
Reply 14
christian teachings mightent, but a lot christian followers do.
Reply 15
LabRat99
Personally, I don't think your being naive is a abd thing - the fact you can come out and ask thse questions is definitely a step in the right direction!

First off, I"m not so sure how to answer your first question. If it's going to be a regular thing, I could see your reputation getting a little tarnished if you aren't going out with him. Is it just a sexual attraction bewteen the two of you? Could there be something more? If so, why not consider a relationship with the guy?

Secondly, using a condom never hurts. It's always better to be safe than sorry (even if he moans like hell about having to use one - make him use one anyway). If you plan on having sex with him regularly, why not ask your GP to put you on the contraceptive pill? Hwoever, this doesn't protect against STI's, so using a condom ontop of the Pill, seeing as it is casual sex is always a good thing.

Finalement, it's not wrong that you want to sleep with him. It's natural for a start. I can understand about your quarms about not being his girlfriend or fiancee or whatever, but wanting to sleep with someone is not wrong. Besides, you're more than old enough, and you're certainly old enough to know what you want. As long as you both state that it's just for sex and don't get attached then emotions don't get involved. If you both begin to feel for each other in a deeper sense - bonus! Not being afraid to go out and get what you want is definitely not a bad thing. The people who say that it is are just jealous.

BUT remember to be careful!!


Thank you so much for all your replies! :smile: I think there is a STRONG sexual attraction between us there is no doubt about that :redface: . It also has the potential to be more but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

I don't know that I wont get attached though :frown: .
Reply 16
Consie
christian teachings mightent, but a lot christian followers do.


That's why I asked. I am a Christian but am torn between my beliefs and my...'urges' for lack of a better word. I am also worried about my standing amongst my 'very' Christian friends. :confused:

The Christianity thing isn't that big an issue for me, it's just that I don't want him thinking that I am really cheap or so for having sex with him without involvement AND I'm worried about getting pregnant. it won't be a regular thing but I wouldn't know...
Anonymous
That's why I asked. I am a Christian but am torn between my beliefs and my...'urges' for lack of a better word. I am also worried about my standing amongst my 'very' Christian friends. :confused:

The Christianity thing isn't that big an issue for me, it's just that I don't want him thinking that I am really cheap or so for having sex with him without involvement AND I'm worried about getting pregnant. it won't be a regular thing but I wouldn't know...

Don't tell them then...honestly some people really get on my nerves, fair enough it isn't what they would do, but **** them, its your life after all.

I doubt he would think any less of you, however I would advise you to tell him you are a virgin as he might be a little more gentle about it.
LabRat99

Secondly, using a condom never hurts.


Lies! Sometimes they can be a bit tight around the base of the shaft and make it throb with a sort of dull ache. I can also tell you from experience that if a condom bursts while your wearing it, it feels like a firm slap on the bellend! And believe me that hurts!
Livethefire
" would do, but **** them, its your life after all. "

Did you just slag of her regilion and tell her to go againest her beliefs?

No,I have no qualms with people saving their virginity for their own religious/moral reasons...it's when these religious people put downothers for the personal choices they have made.

And how is it going agaisnt her beliefs? She is obviously wanting to do it otherwise she wouldn't have posted it.