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!! Most difficult social situation ever !! watch

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    (Original post by breakdancer22)
    I know this is long, but I could really use your help!!

    So I have 2 good mates at school (we’re all 16) who I hang out with everyday+breaks. They knew each other before me and were real tight friends for about 2 years before I joined them. But, I feel like the third wheel of our friendship. (sounds emotionally pathetic but guys need mates to talk about stuff-its true!) They both like IT and share lots of stories (of their experiences b4 I joined them) whereas I cant join in.

    At lunch, they always sit facing each other and Im always on the side of one of them. During half-terms,they go to events w/o telling me (but will get me to join if I pro actively find out) and when I msg them about their holidays, they respond only briefly. Don’t get me wrong, they still greet me, laugh with me and talk to me everyday and try to include me. (eg they had IT club and urged me to come along)

    As a person, I have a LOT of confidence (bboy and kung fu) and I would have found more relatable friends earlier if I could. BUT ALL PEOPLE IN MY YEAR ALREADY HAVE TIGHT CIRCLES OF FRIENDS WHICH CANT BE JOINED AT ALL NO JOKE (its like frickin divergent factions lol ). I don’t mind being alone at breaks but lunch is an absolute killer to eat alone (makes me pretty depressed).

    So my question is this: would YOU rather hang out with 2 good people but be sidelined a bit especially over holidays and some conversations or be completely alone instead? (or do something else entirely?)

    Thankyou so much for reading it all and giving advice!!
    When I was your age, young man, I dealt with similar stuff. But my issue is, though I am no bboy nor ninja like you, I still had multiple groups of friends. I do remember feeling some type of way with two of my friend groups; in one group I had two mates who went to each other's houses and I didn't know until I finally went by myself, and one mate already knew the other's family and his child and girlfriend...I was like ok. And with the other, they would leave school without me to hang out with girls :rofl: Then I had a group of nerdy friends and they were always there for me lol

    It wasn't in a malicious way did they leave me or did I leave them. But sometimes your mates will get jealous if you make new friends outside of the group. So I would just hang out with other people then. Simple. I mean you're a breakdancer. Start a dance group. A Youtube channel lol You do kung fu, hang out with the other kids at your lessons. Or be confident like you say and socialize with other people during school. I never sat eating by myself. That is critical. But be careful because your two mates might get mad like "you've made a new friend?" I had a very very vindictive friend when I was a teenager and I eventually had to stop hanging around him. I think your situation is normal tbh.
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    (Original post by Mal Baadshah)
    When I was your age, young man, I dealt with similar stuff. But my issue is, though I am no bboy nor ninja like you, I still had multiple groups of friends. I do remember feeling some type of way with two of my friend groups; in one group I had two mates who went to each other's houses and I didn't know until I finally went by myself, and one mate already knew the other's family and his child and girlfriend...I was like ok. And with the other, they would leave school without me to hang out with girls :rofl: Then I had a group of nerdy friends and they were always there for me lol

    It wasn't in a malicious way did they leave me or did I leave them. But sometimes your mates will get jealous if you make new friends outside of the group. So I would just hang out with other people then. Simple. I mean you're a breakdancer. Start a dance group. A Youtube channel lol You do kung fu, hang out with the other kids at your lessons. Or be confident like you say and socialize with other people during school. I never sat eating by myself. That is critical. But be careful because your two mates might get mad like "you've made a new friend?" I had a very very vindictive friend when I was a teenager and I eventually had to stop hanging around him. I think your situation is normal tbh.
    Thankyou for all your detail. I will be sure to try other factions then (impenetrable groups) if I get any chance! No one else dances at my school as I have asked around before and the same goes for the martial arts surprisingly. We're a village school so not much happens.
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    (Original post by breakdancer22)
    Thankyou for all your detail. I will be sure to try other factions then (impenetrable groups) if I get any chance! No one else dances at my school as I have asked around before and the same goes for the martial arts surprisingly. We're a village school so not much happens.
    ok village. grim. well where do you learn kung fu?? Isn't it a gym/school? Just be their friends. I used to do sports and if I was struggling that day I looked forward to meeting up with mates at practice afterschool. Is it like that with you?
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    (Original post by Mal Baadshah)
    ok village. grim. well where do you learn kung fu?? Isn't it a gym/school? Just be their friends. I used to do sports and if I was struggling that day I looked forward to meeting up with mates at practice afterschool. Is it like that with you?
    Haha, I wish I had people to train along with me. I learned martial arts from my Dad and I learned bboying from videos and articles. He also doesnt want me joinng other training clubs cos he thinks its a distraction (hes asian so theres not much reasoning)
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    (Original post by breakdancer22)
    I know this is long, but I could really use your help!!

    So I have 2 good mates at school (we’re all 16) who I hang out with everyday+breaks. They knew each other before me and were real tight friends for about 2 years before I joined them. But, I feel like the third wheel of our friendship. (sounds emotionally pathetic but guys need mates to talk about stuff-its true!) They both like IT and share lots of stories (of their experiences b4 I joined them) whereas I cant join in.

    At lunch, they always sit facing each other and Im always on the side of one of them. During half-terms,they go to events w/o telling me (but will get me to join if I pro actively find out) and when I msg them about their holidays, they respond only briefly. Don’t get me wrong, they still greet me, laugh with me and talk to me everyday and try to include me. (eg they had IT club and urged me to come along)

    As a person, I have a LOT of confidence (bboy and kung fu) and I would have found more relatable friends earlier if I could. BUT ALL PEOPLE IN MY YEAR ALREADY HAVE TIGHT CIRCLES OF FRIENDS WHICH CANT BE JOINED AT ALL NO JOKE (its like frickin divergent factions lol ). I don’t mind being alone at breaks but lunch is an absolute killer to eat alone (makes me pretty depressed).

    So my question is this: would YOU rather hang out with 2 good people but be sidelined a bit especially over holidays and some conversations or be completely alone instead? (or do something else entirely?)

    Thankyou so much for reading it all and giving advice!!
    I was in a similar situation a while ago, except with a much larger group. I realise that these friends aren't doing it maliciously like the people I was dealing with but I'll tell you what I did anyway. Basically I got so fed up of being excluded that I just left them and found a different friendship group. It was hard for a while because I felt like I was a loner and had no friends, but I persevered and eventually found a group of people that some friends from a class I'm in friends with. It's a lot better now because I'm friends with people who actually value me as a person.

    So if I have any advice, it would be to talk to people from your lessons that you like and see if you can become friends with their friends, and don't be afraid of being alone. It will be hard but in the end it's so much better.
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    (Original post by Steliata)
    I was in a similar situation a while ago, except with a much larger group. I realise that these friends aren't doing it maliciously like the people I was dealing with but I'll tell you what I did anyway. Basically I got so fed up of being excluded that I just left them and found a different friendship group. It was hard for a while because I felt like I was a loner and had no friends, but I persevered and eventually found a group of people that some friends from a class I'm in friends with. It's a lot better now because I'm friends with people who actually value me as a person.

    So if I have any advice, it would be to talk to people from your lessons that you like and see if you can become friends with their friends, and don't be afraid of being alone. It will be hard but in the end it's so much better.
    Thank you for your sharing your experience amd advice. I will be sure to try what you have said!
 
 
 
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