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I know men who respect women exists, where are you? I need to talk to you. watch

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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey guys,
    I'd like to get opinions from guys and even from the ladies...I don't mind but it's mainly the guys' opinions that I am interested in as they are the ones I am trying to reach out to mainly. So I'd like to address respect, opinions..saying yes and no to things. But something happened to me today, sorry it's going to be a long read but you can just skip to the last paragraph if you don't want to read everything. Overall, I'd like to get your intake on this situation.

    A good friend of mine who I consider a brother (though I know he likes me a lot in terms of romantically) came unexpectedly to my house and this is where things began to go off hill. Though I was surprised, I agreed to see him and while walking him back to the bus stop where he could catch a bus back home he began acting very strangely. He was different today. He hasn't done this before but he began to force intense kisses on me, forcing his tongue in my mouth and neck, putting his hand in my bra to feel me up, squeezing my butt etc and I kept saying no, pushing myself backwards. I felt so powerless to some degree and embarrassed as this happened though in the night, in public.
    As he kissed me, I could taste and sense alcohol so I don't know if it was because he had been drinking therefore was drunk. Not to sound too explicit but as he pulled me close to him to the point where our bodies where touching I could feel him from below and I knew he was turned on and wanted to leave. I thought he was sane enough to speak clearly, make his way back home and find my house so maybe he wasn't as drunk though his breathe smelt and he tasted like beer/alcohol. He's has explained that in the past, drinking was a problem for him so I don't know but even with that...why show up at my house without asking if you can come over. He's done this before.
    Last time I told him not to come over and he still did.
    But even before and during all of this happened, he's normally the sweetest person ever and if I was physically attracted to him to some extent, I will admit I would have dated him. It's going to sound shallow but it's true.

    On our walk, he even began showing my cheques where he makes thousands of pounds, I don't know if it was his attempt to win me over as for months now he has asked to be my boyfriend but I've said no. I thought we were ok as for a while he cooled down and even got a girlfriend. But after today and what happened...I just felt and still feel so uncomfortable and he knew. No means no. The thing is he even said I know you don't want to kiss me but give me 10 seconds (10 seconds to make out) and I'll go home. Each time I kept pulling back and saying stop, calling his name and saying stop but he got carried away. At one point I even feared that he was going to rape me or something. In shock, because he wasn't the person I knew, at times I just said nothing.

    But he said something that has been ringing in my head ever since.
    He said what I am looking for in a guy is difficult to find, that I should just give him a chance, initiating I may never find what I am looking for. The thing is, what I am looking for is a Christian guy who could treat me with respect. Someone who doesn't think because I am a woman, I have to cook or clean...instead sees me and him as equal to where we do things together and things are halved. I want someone humble, patient, someone who can listen to me. I know this may sound absurd but say if I don't find a guy that meets the things I am looking for and my guy friend though was insane in the moment is right. What if I end up lonely or single or something? I want to get married one day and hopefully even have children. But I want a marriage where my husband loves me unconditionally, where he doesn't care about social expectations/ not caring of what a man should be as or not be as.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    I don't think you should settle for him for fear of being alone. He clearly doesn't respect you enough not to engage in what is, frankly, sexual assault. If he does that before you're even in a relationship, I doubt he'd see you as his equal later in life if you were to marry him. I also don't think you should be taking his advice on whether what you want is difficult to find -- he's clearly got an ulterior motive for telling you that.

    You may not want to end up single or lonely but I'd say it's far better to end up like that than with somebody like this supposed friend of yours. I recommend telling him to back off and, if he doesn't, either tell his parents (I'm not sure how old he is by the way) to intervene or, if that fails, go to the police. You wouldn't tolerate this behaviour on public transport and you shouldn't be tolerating it in this case either.
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    Remind me to PM you tomorrow, that is later today when I wake up. Or you PM me later on if you would like as I can't speak now but I would like to speak to you and see if I can help you out
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    I would be wary of him
    It seems like he was trying to lower your self esteem so you would say yes to have sex with him
    Hope you are ok
    Are you a christian? If yes you can pray for your future partner/husband that they will respect women and dosent care about social expectations
    Sound sweet. I like your morals
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys,
    I'd like to get opinions from guys and even from the ladies...I don't mind but it's mainly the guys' opinions that I am interested in as they are the ones I am trying to reach out to mainly. So I'd like to address respect, opinions..saying yes and no to things. But something happened to me today, sorry it's going to be a long read but you can just skip to the last paragraph if you don't want to read everything. Overall, I'd like to get your intake on this situation.

    A good friend of mine who I consider a brother (though I know he likes me a lot in terms of romantically) came unexpectedly to my house and this is where things began to go off hill. Though I was surprised, I agreed to see him and while walking him back to the bus stop where he could catch a bus back home he began acting very strangely. He was different today. He hasn't done this before but he began to force intense kisses on me, forcing his tongue in my mouth and neck, putting his hand in my bra to feel me up, squeezing my butt etc and I kept saying no, pushing myself backwards. I felt so powerless to some degree and embarrassed as this happened though in the night, in public.
    As he kissed me, I could taste and sense alcohol so I don't know if it was because he had been drinking therefore was drunk. Not to sound too explicit but as he pulled me close to him to the point where our bodies where touching I could feel him from below and I knew he was turned on and wanted to leave. I thought he was sane enough to speak clearly, make his way back home and find my house so maybe he wasn't as drunk though his breathe smelt and he tasted like beer/alcohol. He's has explained that in the past, drinking was a problem for him so I don't know but even with that...why show up at my house without asking if you can come over. He's done this before.
    Last time I told him not to come over and he still did.
    But even before and during all of this happened, he's normally the sweetest person ever and if I was physically attracted to him to some extent, I will admit I would have dated him. It's going to sound shallow but it's true.

    On our walk, he even began showing my cheques where he makes thousands of pounds, I don't know if it was his attempt to win me over as for months now he has asked to be my boyfriend but I've said no. I thought we were ok as for a while he cooled down and even got a girlfriend. But after today and what happened...I just felt and still feel so uncomfortable and he knew. No means no. The thing is he even said I know you don't want to kiss me but give me 10 seconds (10 seconds to make out) and I'll go home. Each time I kept pulling back and saying stop, calling his name and saying stop but he got carried away. At one point I even feared that he was going to rape me or something. In shock, because he wasn't the person I knew, at times I just said nothing.

    But he said something that has been ringing in my head ever since.
    He said what I am looking for in a guy is difficult to find, that I should just give him a chance, initiating I may never find what I am looking for. The thing is, what I am looking for is a Christian guy who could treat me with respect. Someone who doesn't think because I am a woman, I have to cook or clean...instead sees me and him as equal to where we do things together and things are halved. I want someone humble, patient, someone who can listen to me. I know this may sound absurd but say if I don't find a guy that meets the things I am looking for and my guy friend though was insane in the moment is right. What if I end up lonely or single or something? I want to get married one day and hopefully even have children. But I want a marriage where my husband loves me unconditionally, where he doesn't care about social expectations/ not caring of what a man should be as or not be as.
    If you don't want someone over your house, say no.
    If that someone then came over to your house uninvited, you leave them outside.

    You must be firm, you must say no and not give in, or it will again.
    Depending on whether you're staying friends with him or not, next time he does that leave him out on the street so he gets the message.

    Even if what you're looking for in a guy is hard to find, don't settle for less, don't settle for second-best. Just be patient, and opportunities will open/someone right for you will probably come by. Perhaps search in different social groups, or go to places with similar/like-minded people to you, religious groups/communities etc. Put yourself out there in the right place.

    I'm sure there are guys like that. (I hopefully consider myself a lot of those things, bar I'm not religious.)
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    He is interested in you romantically but you failed to voice your lack of interest while still claiming he's a friend. Some would call that disrespectful.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Jebedee)
    He is interested in you romantically but you failed to voice your lack of interest while still claiming he's a friend. Some would call that disrespectful.
    I don't think I've failed to voice my lack of interest as he knows I don't like him in that sense. He said he was ok with us just being friends before and even later got a girlfriend. I didn't want our friendship to just die off just because he admitted he liked me. I did that in the past and lost amazing friendships. Why I still call him a friend/brother is because I still wanted to be there to support him as he's been through a lot in terms of his childhood, family and relationships. We've also shared amazing times together and we have similar interests in terms of hobbies. I see him in church all the time as we're both Christians, outside of church we had deep conversations about our beliefs which I adored. You see, Christians aren't perfect so I'm not saying I expected a perfect character from him. It's just this was the first time he has ever he behaved this way towards me. He was the gentle, considerate person I knew. He became touchy, aggressive, shouting acting crazy.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I just wanted to say, I really appreciate the responses I have received from everyone.
    Reading your responses made me emotional to the point where I became tearful. Thank you. Really, you guys are amazing :cry: You've given me hope proving that he was wrong and that I shouldn't settle for less. I know some of you aren't Christians, religious, or even theists but that doesn't change the fact that your perceptions of respect and women are phenomenal. I felt guilty for a while and blamed myself because I knew he likes me yet I still wanted us to be friends only so felt maybe he also got frustrated. Thanks so much guys.
    • #2
    #2

    The fact you like a man to be humble and not care about being some predefined idea of manliness is beautiful, there should be more women like you, frankly. You must be haning about with the wrong type of guys, there are definitely those you are seeking.
    • #2
    #2

    I mean to say, a woman who can let me be that, as opposed to ones who are all defensive and can't cut me slack and let me be human.....they are my ideal.
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    Pretty saucy encounter there, I have to admit.

    But honestly, I think you should either leg it, or find a way to get rid of him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You see, Christians aren't perfect
    Understatement of the century.
    Either way he isn't really your friend, you're just a means to end and he thinks pretending like a nice guy over time will win you over. Now he's realised his time investment is in vain, he's going into a nice guy rage.
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    I'll add, I'm not saying you should ditch the friendship, but if you want to keep it, set ground rules.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
 
 
 
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