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Almost as if I'm a woman

(I'm a bloke)

I have a very close friend who is a woman, and she clearly loves me in a woman-to-woman kind of close friendshippy kinda way... EG very affectionate, hugs every time we meet, compliments, jokey flirts, take each other out for meals kinda way. By what I gather this is how she is with all her previous 'best mates', but it transpires i'm the only one ATM that gets this attention -as i am her closest 'mate'. Now, I love it, she's a wonderful person... But the truth is, I wouldnt mind showing my affections for her in my bedroom :wink:

and she has very nicely made it clear she doesn't like me sexually. Although I ADORE being hugged by a woman so special to me and being told how great l am, is this really appropriate to show to a man who has told u he likes you?? I mean I treasure her to bits as a friend, but i just worry i keep getting led on by this female bondage stuff, although i do love the hugs and compliments! I'm used to slaggin' off my mates to show my affection, not displaying loving warmth!

Is this normal behavior, for a woman and a bloke? Do most blokes have a very dear woman in their life of a non-sexual nature who isnt affriad of displaying this much affection????

Reply 1

username47781

20

Perfectly normal

Reply 2

Talya

16

Did you tell her you were OK being just friends? If she thinks you are over her then she may feel comfortable showing you affection.. have you not been watching Desperate Housewives (Gabrielle/Zach story)? :p:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Talya

Did you tell her you were OK being just friends?

no, quite the oposite..... i told her i liked her for a 2nd time, things got sticky, then met her a few days later after she had a few drinks and she basically told me that I kicked unquantifiable posterior as a friend, and she treasures and loves me as a friend, and then we started hugging again, which she put a stop to after i first told her. And ever since that drunken convo things have just been so good between us, hugs, compliments etc etc...

I shouldn't say this but I'm starting to realise the one thing which might confuse the issue/..............up until recently l was quite certain that it was a known fact that she was a 'babe'. But after gathering a few others opinions, that might not be so unanimously true as i thought.... Shes pretty, no doubt, but she is a errrmmm 'chunky' build. And maybe shes not used to ppl like me liking her in such a way and mb confused?? :s-smilie:

Actually, in many ways shes a bit of a tomboy, hangs around blokes making dirty jokes etc, but still, she treats me much more affectionately thn her other bloke pals

Reply 4

Talya

16

There seem to be a lot of guys like you judging from the amount of threads on this similar topic, maybe some of them can reply with advice.

If a guy I am friends with says he likes me, I put a stop to the friendship, mainly because I don't like being leered at by someone I find unattractive. She's probably just too nice to do that though.

Reply 5

Dinendal Leralonde

1

Yeah, it's sorta normal. Who knows how many times I admitted my feelings for my best friend back home, yet I was always only the "really great friend". Girls are confusing in some aspects, including things like this. Guess we'll just have to try and accept that at some point.

And Talya, not all of us guys "leer" at girls we find attractive. We don't just look at a girl and think "God I wanna hit that!" There's sometimes an aspect of admiration to it as well. And, for the record, even after my admitting my feelings those times, we stayed really good friends, and really got on well. And now, I'm glad it stayed that way, cos she's so much more special to me now as a friend.

Reply 6

hippieglitter

19

If a guy friend says he likes me, even though he probably knows i have a boyfriend, i ask him (not in a nasty way), what he wants me to do about it and some say well they are not comfortable with the friendship at all and would rather it didn't continue some say cut down on the friendly affection type stuff and some say they would rather have me as a good friend than not have me at all. So its they're call, i treat my guy friends in almost exactly the same way as my girl friends, unless they say they don't want me to. She obviously values your friednship and cares for you a great deal, but if she doesn't fancy you there is not alot you can do about it. If you are not comfortable with the amount of affection she is showing you then tell her, if you are fine with it let her go on.

Reply 7

high priestess fnord

9

no sounds kinda normal. i know some of my male friends fancy me but as long as i trust them not to act on it in any way shape or form then i just carry on treating them as friends. i guess if i was a nice person then i would keep then at arms length to spare their feelings but tbh if i enjoy their friendship then im too selfish to let it go.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Well, thats my point, I love the affection she is showing me... I know I mean a lot to her, and its lovely to be hugged. It's just I don't really understand how I feel about her, I know I like her a lot and I also know I'm very important to her. But, as she makes it clear she has a lot of feelings for me, sometimes i struggle to realise why this isn't 'love'. IE, why does she want to hug me after I've seen her and not kiss me?? No, this isnt a loaded question, I just don't understand how she can be so warming towards me and yet have no desire to enter a 'relationship' with me. I mean, although i manage to supress these feelings, i could happily.......... well, make a very affectionate physical display to her! And l simply don't understand, how she could 'love me as a friend' and want to cuddle me, but nothing more. This is not a loaded question, i genuinely do not understand! I love our friendship, but it's exceeded what i thought the boundaries of a friendship were, so im confused... but im also pleased i have such a great friendship

Reply 9

Sidhe

The first girl I fell in love with was like that, we had a real close friendship but the attraction was clearly only on my side, despite the flirting, people used to say to us honestly you two should get a room or something. In the end it got out that I fancied her and the relationship died, because the feeling wasn't mutual. It's pretty common for this to happen though, personally from my experience though if she doesn't find you attractive, it's not that likely she ever will. But stranger things have happened. Maybe your a grower :smile:

Reply 10

sweetface.

Well there's an age old saying to this, Guy and Girl firends are never good together or something like that. You must respect the fact that she only likes you as a friend. Please try to get over her, I don't think she will ever change her mind. You can't make her love you that the way you want her to love you. The best thing is just to move on, it sounds too much like a crush. You will get over it if you try to forget about her in that way. Just repsect her has a firend, and treat her the way she would like to be treated. The only think you can do is move on.

I hope this helps you :smile:

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Yeah, but the guy i sit next to is 'only a friend'. He doesn't see me personally twice a week, msn/text me all the time, hug me, tell me what a great guy i am, go on about me to all his friends... I mean, I walk in to a gang of her mates and they know my life story! But ur right, its just very hard when it is such a strong [the strongest we've ever had] friendship

Reply 12

sweetface.

Anonymous

Yeah, but the guy i sit next to is 'only a friend'. He doesn't see me personally twice a week, msn/text me all the time, hug me, tell me what a great guy i am, go on about me to all his friends... I mean, I walk in to a gang of her mates and they know my life story! But ur right, its just very hard when it is such a strong [the strongest we've ever had] friendship

No offence, but did you even read what I wrote. Becuase it seems like you ignored it.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Lyndzxx

No offence, but did you even read what I wrote. Becuase it seems like you ignored it.

Yeh, sorry, i did slightly misread it. I think ur right, its my problem rly, l'm just not used to this much closeness in a friendship and maybe when i find another young lady to feast my eyes on the friendship will b even stronger

Reply 14

Chocolate AssCream

Anonymous

Yeah, but the guy i sit next to is 'only a friend'. He doesn't see me personally twice a week, msn/text me all the time, hug me, tell me what a great guy i am, go on about me to all his friends... I mean, I walk in to a gang of her mates and they know my life story! But ur right, its just very hard when it is such a strong [the strongest we've ever had] friendship

Girl's are just more affectionate I suppose :biggrin:

It's obvious you two care about each other a great deal, and it's very rare to have such a special friendship. Just don't confuse it with something more. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be...

Reply 15

Wez

14

'A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.'

Reply 16

Chocolate AssCream

Wez

'A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.'

you sound bitter...

Reply 17

Wez

14

They're not my words, but they sum up this guy's situation quite nicely I think. No doubt the girl likes him, but at the end of the day they have a very uneven 'friendship'. She's what he wants but he's not what she wants.

Reply 18

Chocolate AssCream

o ok. and I agree the analogy is quite true.

Reply 19

Yoda

12

Of course I've never been a girl before, but I'd personally take this as a signal of "I'd be happy to have something going, but at the moment we don't". Of course she could just see you as friends. But when you look like me, often they want to be a little more than friends. Its a hard life.

Almost as if I'm a woman

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