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Muslims: My dad doesn't like me applying for jobs outside of my hometown...? watch

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    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.

    edit: This isn't for Muslims to answer only. Sorry if it seems that way. I just needed people who are familiar with the culture that surrounds Muslims.
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    No you don't. Get your own car and therefore you can travel out of town for the job. I hate how they think they are trying to make things easier for us, when it turn it's making it harder. More better job opportunities are available in other places, you shouldn't be restricted, to be honest.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.
    Woah that isn't unfair. You need to tell them that you're old enough to make your own decisions. Better than being miserable. It's like someone wants to have the campus uni life but your parents want you to live with them, sometimes you have to do what you feel is best when your dad isn't being reasonable. Obviously it's going to be hard for them at first but you can't live with them forever, you gotta move out sometime.

    And yes I'm a Muslim. It's good you respect them but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.

    Its sad but narcissism seems deeply engroved in muslim culture maybe not in Islam itself but certainly in the followers. I'm 16 my parents are Muslim I am not. I don't tell them of course do I need to? I'm guessing your parents are asian like mine most likely pakistani. The only advice I can give is to save up money for your own place and move away. If they take things far a restraining order is something you could consider. Narcissism is something that is wrong in this world very much so.
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    What about the disappointment and the kind of example I set for others? And they say I'm being selfish as I don't want to care for my own family, and that the world is cruel out there. As a muslim I'm supposed to look after my family :/
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.
    Since you're saying religiously speaking . . . You obey him no matter what. The only instance you can challenge him on his orders are if what he is saying goes against any islamic rules and in this case, it doesn't. Sure it's harsh but that's the religious aspect. In terms of marriage, you can also reject his choice of marriage partners for you as many times as you like so you don't have to pick someone he wants. You're perfectly within islamic limits to disagree with him there.

    Also, there is no halal alternative to marriage for muslims, there is only arranged marriages. We shouldn't get that confused with forced marriages though (these are anti-islamic).

    Also, since you wanted religious advice, it's not permissable for you to be working in a mixed environment anyways. The only jobs halal for a woman are jobs which do not involve any mixing of the genders. If there ever was an exception for this, it would be if something had happened to you and you nor your parents or future husband can provide food, a home and clothing for you where it may become okay for you to work in a mixed environment considering you obey all islamic etiquettes in hijaab and in general and that you try and avoid mixing at all costs.

    I am SO sure that you may disagree with a lot of these things but this is the religious aspect.
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Since you're saying religiously speaking . . . You obey him no matter what. The only instance you can challenge him on his orders are if what he is saying goes against any islamic rules and in this case, it doesn't. Sure it's harsh but that's the religious aspect. In terms of marriage, you can also reject his choice of marriage partners for you as many times as you like so you don't have to pick someone he wants. You're perfectly within islamic limits to disagree with him there.

    Also, there is no halal alternative to marriage for muslims, there is only arranged marriages. We shouldn't get that confused with forced marriages though (these are anti-islamic).

    Also, since you wanted religious advice, it's not permissable for you to be working in a mixed environment anyways. The only jobs halal for a woman are jobs which do not involve any mixing of the genders. If there ever was an exception for this, it would be if something had happened to you and you nor your parents or future husband can provide food, a home and clothing for you where it may become okay for you to work in a mixed environment considering you obey all islamic etiquettes in hijaab and in general and that you try and avoid mixing at all costs.

    I am SO sure that you may disagree with a lot of these things but this is the religious aspect.
    May I ask what background this is? Like sunni/shaafi/shia/wahhabi etc? As I've seen societies of religious Muslims who's Imam does give them more freedom so long as the behaviour is correct?
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.
    As a Muslim, yes you do have to listen to him because you know the high status of parents in Islam and how much they have sacrificed for you.

    Have you sat down and spoken to them about arrange marriage? You do know you can refuse a guy and they cannot force you to marry him in Islam?

    Your family are right in a way. Your father hasn't said anything unreasonable so far. You can understand why he would be worried with you travelling far from home. Personally I wouldn't be happy knowing my family is unhappy with me. I, like you, would also put my family's needs first.

    It's true older people have been where you are now. Sometimes it's best to take their advice?
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    (Original post by HAnwar)
    Sometimes it's best to take their advice?
    Surely my choice of public friends, my choice and location of studying and all the childhood choices were made by them? How much am I supposed to listen to? Everything? At least I can choose where I work?!?!
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    Muslims should make clones of themselves so they are identical instead of using sexual reproduction which introduces randomness. Then, they can be sure their progeny will always want the same things as themselves and reduce conflict in the Muslim community.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Surely my choice of public friends, my choice and location of studying and all the childhood choices were made by them? How much am I supposed to listen to? Everything? At least I can choose where I work?!?!
    As a Muslim that's the sacrifices you have to make.
    At the end of the day, it's your choice whether you follow them or not.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    May I ask what background this is? Like sunni/shaafi/shia/wahhabi etc? As I've seen societies of religious Muslims who's Imam does give them more freedom so long as the behaviour is correct?
    The Prophet Muhammed peace and prayers be upon him said that there will be 72 different sects in Islam. And only one of them will go heaven. So this is from a Sunni Muslim perpective. Shia aren't Muslims. And don't anybody reading this go giving me that difference of opinions rubbish and say that all opinions are valid because only one group will be going heaven and it's either Sunni or Shia and all the evidence says that Shia aren't even muslims.

    Wahhabis and salafis are the same thing. They're not extremists as some people believe. All it means is that they fight against innovation in religious beliefs and they only deal with the authentic ahadith and the correct interpretation of the Qur'aan. They're part of the sunnis.

    Shaafi is one of four accepted schools of thought in sunni Islam that has their own set of views. The differences of opinions of these 4 schools are valid as they all have their own valid evidences. These differences are not in beliefs but over little things like slight variations in the prayer. They all respect each others' opinions as they all provide valid evidence.

    For the laymen (the people who aren't scholars), they should follow the teachings of any one school of thought because they do not have the time to study so extensively. Wahhabi/salafis tend not to stick to one school of thought but mix and match between the schools with the strongest sources of authentic information and there's nothing wrong with that either.

    I hope that cleared things up.
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    I hope that cleared things up.
    /baffled
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    This is the 21st century United Kingdom we're in, not some ancient desert kingdom. We've built a meritocratic society where everyone is free to pursue their own hopes and dreams. After all the effort that's gone into promoting STEM subjects to women over recent years it's a shame that your religion is telling you that you need to stay at home and do whatever your father tells you to do while you look after your family.
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    Tell your parents to go f themselves, do you what you want.
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    The Prophet Muhammed peace and prayers be upon him said that there will be 72 different sects in Islam. And only one of them will go heaven. So this is from a Sunni Muslim perpective. Shia aren't Muslims. And don't anybody reading this go giving me that difference of opinions rubbish and say that all opinions are valid because only one group will be going heaven and it's either Sunni or Shia and all the evidence says that Shia aren't even muslims.

    Wahhabis and salafis are the same thing. They're not extremists as some people believe. All it means is that they fight against innovation in religious beliefs and they only deal with the authentic ahadith and the correct interpretation of the Qur'aan. They're part of the sunnis.

    Shaafi is one of four accepted schools of thought in sunni Islam that has their own set of views. The differences of opinions of these 4 schools are valid as they all have their own valid evidences. These differences are not in beliefs but over little things like slight variations in the prayer. They all respect each others' opinions as they all provide valid evidence.

    For the laymen (the people who aren't scholars), they should follow the teachings of any one school of thought because they do not have the time to study so extensively. Wahhabi/salafis tend not to stick to one school of thought but mix and match between the schools with the strongest sources of authentic information and there's nothing wrong with that either.

    I hope that cleared things up.
    Ok :mute:
    I think I'll go down the less aggressive and more accepting path of being less religious as your ideology doesn't work for me.
    Thanks for the info though
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Since you're saying religiously speaking . . . You obey him no matter what. The only instance you can challenge him on his orders are if what he is saying goes against any islamic rules and in this case, it doesn't. Sure it's harsh but that's the religious aspect. In terms of marriage, you can also reject his choice of marriage partners for you as many times as you like so you don't have to pick someone he wants. You're perfectly within islamic limits to disagree with him there.

    Also, there is no halal alternative to marriage for muslims, there is only arranged marriages. We shouldn't get that confused with forced marriages though (these are anti-islamic).

    Also, since you wanted religious advice, it's not permissable for you to be working in a mixed environment anyways. The only jobs halal for a woman are jobs which do not involve any mixing of the genders. If there ever was an exception for this, it would be if something had happened to you and you nor your parents or future husband can provide food, a home and clothing for you where it may become okay for you to work in a mixed environment considering you obey all islamic etiquettes in hijaab and in general and that you try and avoid mixing at all costs.

    I am SO sure that you may disagree with a lot of these things but this is the religious aspect.
    What do you mean it's not permissible for her to be working in a mixed environment...
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Ok :mute:
    I think I'll go down the less aggressive and more accepting path of being less religious as your ideology doesn't work for me.
    Thanks for the info though
    What do you mean my ideology? I just gave a brief perspective of Islam. Not any specific ideology. And also, there's only one ideology/group that'll be accepted into heaven.
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    (Original post by ermahgerd11)
    What do you mean it's not permissible for her to be working in a mixed environment...
    Men are the sole source of income and it's their job to make the money for the family. Women's role is to bring up the children properly and look after the house and family. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule for example imagine the husband cannot work or is not earning enough to get by and there are NO other sources of income. As an absolutely last resort, the woman may work but it has to be in a segregated enviroment.

    Also, Islam does encourage women to become nurses and doctors but so that they can help women who need medical help because women would prefer a female doctor and so forth and they again shouldn't be in a mixed environment. There are also other lines of work which women can get into which are suited for them but anything along the lines of business, retail, and engineering and the like is completely unacceptable for the woman because it would involve a great deal of mixing with the opposite gender. These are fixed rules.

    People try to argue a lot against this, muslims and non muslims alike but islamic rules were already set in stone so if they don't like this rule and can't accept God's ruling, they're free to leave the religion. Noone's forced to stay or convert because there's no compulsion in religion.
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Men are the sole source of income and it's their job to make the money for the family. Women's role is to bring up the children properly and look after the house and family. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule for example imagine the husband cannot work or is not earning enough to get by and there are NO other sources of income. As an absolutely last resort, the woman may work but it has to be in a segregated enviroment.

    Also, Islam does encourage women to become nurses and doctors but so that they can help women who need medical help because women would prefer a female doctor and so forth and they again shouldn't be in a mixed environment. There are also other lines of work which women can get into which are suited for them but anything along the lines of business, retail, and engineering and the like is completely unacceptable for the woman because it would involve a great deal of mixing with the opposite gender. These are fixed rules.

    People try to argue a lot against this, muslims and non muslims alike but islamic rules were already set in stone so if they don't like this rule and can't accept God's ruling, they're free to leave the religion. Noone's forced to stay or convert because there's no compulsion in religion.
    :lolwut:
    #tooextremeforme.
 
 
 
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