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    I'm a fresher and I live with 5 other girls who are all friendly. During the first month I kind of formed a group with 3 of them + a girl who lives next door who comes over all the time. But unfortunately I don't/didn't get to hang out with them a lot because my course has crazy hours and we get a LOT of work to do. I haven't even had the chance to join any societies yet I also had to go back to my hometown a lot on the weekends for my brothers wedding. Now 1 month in, I feel like I am drifting apart from the 4 girls and they are leaving me out. Like they'll have movie nights/hang out in the kitchen to talk but I won't be involved because no one texted me to ask me if I wanted to join. I have social anxiety so it's getting to me way more than it should. The 2 other girls in my flat that aren't in our "group" have their own group of close friends that come over a lot so I feel like I have no friends because I'm not getting along with the 4 girls as much as I was initially and although I have made some close friends on my course but we don't hang out at each others accommodation. Tbh I only really got on with 1 out of the 4 girls, but now I don't even feel that close to her anymore. So should I stop trying to force this friendship to happen and try to bond more with my coursemates/join societies?... But at the same time I know friendship requires effort so maybe I should try to hang out with them more?Please help, I'm really upset over this which is really pathetic...
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    Damn, living with 5 other people sounds crowded.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    Damn, living with 5 other people sounds crowded.
    I'm living with 5 flatmates at the moment, lived with 8 in the past. But you're right, it does get crowded fast.
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    I'm living with 3 flatmates at the moment, lived with 8 in the past. But you're right, it does get crowded fast.
    8? That would mess me up.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    8? That would mess me up.
    I live with 7 and its good fun actually
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    8? That would mess me up.
    I don't know why I wrote 3 earlier lol. Yeah, it came with it's ups and downs. The good part was that 'more the merrier' thing. But the bad part was equally bad.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    8? That would mess me up.
    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    I'm living with 3 flatmates at the moment, lived with 8 in the past. But you're right, it does get crowded fast.
    I was in a small house in halls on my first year and there was 23 of us, could see a few people who were isolated tbh. I felt sorry for one guy who would come out at times like 3am to make his dinner to avoid others. Unfortunately, it did lead to groups being formed very quickly.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    I live with 7 and its good fun actually
    In what ways is it fun?

    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    I don't know why I wrote 3 earlier lol. Yeah, it came with it's ups and downs. The good part was that 'more the merrier' thing. But the bad part was equally bad.
    Nothing beats the freedom you get from living alone. Sharing facilities with 8 ppl and not having any solitude sounds like a nightmare.
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    (Original post by samiz20891)
    I was in a small house in halls on my first year and there was 23 of us, could see a few people who were isolated tbh. I felt sorry for one guy who would come out at times like 3am to make his dinner to avoid others. Unfortunately, it did lead to groups being formed very quickly.
    Last year I lived with mostly international students. One was a Chinese girl who spoke very little English and I was the only one who knew about her for a month!! I mentioned her a couple of times to my flatmates and assumed they knew. But about a month in, they were all so surprised to hear about her. They were pretty awful. My previous flats were awesome though.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    In what ways is it fun?
    Flat parties are more fun. Although we always get people from surrounding flats and blocks and halls coming over anyway. And you can avoid the awkwardness and drama of arguments more easily. And more really is the merrier. And more flatmates increases your chances of living with a wider range of people.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    In what ways is it fun?


    Nothing beats the freedom you get from living alone. Sharing facilities with 8 ppl and not having any solitude sounds like a nightmare.
    Well, our flat is out most of the day with our friends or in our rooms, the kitchen is usually empty or has two or three people until on the night, at about 10 we all end up in the kitchen and then either stay there, go back to rooms or watch a film or something we go out once a week

    Perfect balance or social and anti social
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    Flat parties are more fun. Although we always get people from surrounding flats and blocks and halls coming over anyway. And you can avoid the awkwardness and drama of arguments more easily. And more really is the merrier. And more flatmates increases your chances of living with a wider range of people.
    All this stuff sounds foreign to me. I can't say I see anything positive about sharing with so many people, but I appreciate such a situation is becoming the norm these days.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    All this stuff sounds foreign to me. I can't say I see anything positive about sharing with so many people, but I appreciate such a situation is becoming the norm these days.
    Unfortunately when you live in Goldsmiths halls, which are always extremely oversubscribed, you don't get much of a choice over how many flatmates you get to live with or where you get placed. You learn to make the best of it. I've always been quite an introvert, but even I've come to realise no one was made to live alone. A support group is important at uni when you're away from your family. Part of living on campus means that you have to learn to come out of isolation every once in a while. But the downside to life in halls, is that you rarely get a moment of completely peace and quiet. Last year, the Americans I lived with loved to shout USA over and over around 4 am. And it's difficult to switch rooms in my halls.

    Also, more people means that you have more of a chance of having flatmates who don't all love hardcore partying and going out.
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    Unfortunately when you live in Goldsmiths halls, which are always extremely oversubscribed, you don't get much of a choice over how many flatmates you get to live with or where you get placed. You learn to make the best of it. I've always been quite an introvert, but even I've come to realise no one was made to live alone. A support group is important at uni when you're away from your family. Part of living on campus means that you have to learn to come out of isolation every once in a while. But the downside to life in halls, is that you rarely get a moment of completely peace and quiet. Last year, the Americans I lived with loved to shout USA over and over around 4 am. And it's difficult to switch rooms in my halls.

    Also, more people means that you have more of a chance of having flatmates who don't all love hardcore partying and going out.
    Goldsmiths is 10 minutes away from me. Living alone is great for the freedom it gives you. You can have your own routine with no one to disrupt it. But yeah I understand that you don't have much choice if you're studying away from home - especially if it's in London.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    Goldsmiths is 10 minutes away from me. Living alone is great for the freedom it gives you. You can have your own routine with no one to disrupt it. But yeah I understand that you don't have much choice if you're studying away from home - especially if it's in London.
    Hey small world! Sometimes I find myself wishing that I could live alone. If only to get away from the constant party atmosphere of halls and all the drama. Living with a bunch of 18-20 somethings can be tiresome. I've never made a difference with age but they do whine about an awful lot of silly things sometimes.

    But then there are perks to living with other people too. I'm hoping to combine the best of both by the end of this year. I'm planning to move out of halls into private with my boyfriend once we both graduate this year. So hopefully I'll get more space there. Still going to have to house-share for a while because of money. At the moment my room is just about the only privacy I get. And that's only because I lock it so that my flatmates can leave me in peace every once in a while! I get on well with my current bunch though.
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    Hey small world! Sometimes I find myself wishing that I could live alone. If only to get away from the constant party atmosphere of halls and all the drama. Living with a bunch of 18-20 somethings can be tiresome. I've never made a difference with age but they do whine about an awful lot of silly things sometimes.

    But then there are perks to living with other people too. I'm hoping to combine the best of both by the end of this year. I'm planning to move out of halls into private with my boyfriend once we both graduate this year. So hopefully I'll get more space there. Still going to have to house-share for a while because of money. At the moment my room is just about the only privacy I get. And that's only because I lock it so that my flatmates can leave me in peace every once in a while! I get on well with my current bunch though.
    Yeah, I've walked past some of places that are known flat shares in the area and I see around 6-7 people and I wonder how people get any quiet time or real privacy living among several unrelated occupants. Lewisham/New Cross is an overcrowded depressing place in general.
    It's gonna be expensive renting if you plan to stay in London.
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    (Original post by Mr Flak Jacket)
    Yeah, I've walked past some of places that are known flat shares in the area and I see around 6-7 people and I wonder how people get any quiet time or real privacy living among several unrelated occupants. Lewisham/New Cross is an overcrowded depressing place in general.
    It's gonna be expensive renting if you plan to stay in London.
    It depends on who you wind up with tbh. Some flats I've been to are pretty quiet because the tenants are quiet or older. Some of our postgrad halls are a bit like this. I agree with your observation about the area though. New Cross is pretty ****. In my first year, a security guard from my hall had to stop a mugging in process right outside my window! I've learned to see the good in New Cross too. I know lots of students/graduates who rent in London. London is always going to be super expensive.

    Don't worry lol I may have lived in London since I was about 7 but I'm not planning to stick around. For the next few years I kinda have to. I'm planning to do an MA in film music at NFTS after I graduate this year so I'll have to stay in London for at least 2 more years. But after that, my plan is to move to Berlin. My boyfriend is from there but he's studying at Goldsmiths. There'll be more opportunities for me there in every way.
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    (Original post by godivaontherocks)
    It depends on who you wind up with tbh. Some flats I've been to are pretty quiet because the tenants are quiet or older. Some of our postgrad halls are a bit like this. I agree with your observation about the area though. New Cross is pretty ****. In my first year, a security guard from my hall had to stop a mugging in process right outside my window! I've learned to see the good in New Cross too. I know lots of students/graduates who rent in London. London is always going to be super expensive.

    Don't worry lol I may have lived in London since I was about 7 but I'm not planning to stick around. For the next few years I kinda have to. I'm planning to do an MA in film music at NFTS after I graduate this year so I'll have to stay in London for at least 2 more years. But after that, my plan is to move to Berlin. My boyfriend is from there but he's studying at Goldsmiths. There'll be more opportunities for me there in every way.
    Lol, fair enough
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    just pop into the kitchen to make toast next time they are in there. A lot of the not including you could be due to flawed assumptions where they think that you don't like them (its rather common for that to happen)

    It could be that you are just different personalities (like myself and my flatmates) people so look for a new group - course/society/sport -- if you think about it - if 1st year on your course doesn't count towards your classification, you should really work to free up some time for socialising as the benefits of it will last the 3 years.

    Anxiety is really annoying but the only way to stop it from taking over your life is to face it head on - which is much easier said than done. Keep going
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    OP - if you want to get closer, make an effort, if you don't, don't...

    it may be they aren't inviting you just because you've been away a lot and if you make it clear you want to be involved then they will start inviting you, start by suggesting something yourself a few times to make sure you end up involved
 
 
 
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