uncomfortable with this guy around my girlfriend.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
ok so me and my girlfriend have been together around a year and a half.

recently this guy friend she used to know in school has come back on the scene. apparently they used to be 'best friends' in school but his girlfriend apparently stopped him seeing her and my girlfriends ex stopped her seeing him so they didnt see each other for a while.

anyway he has split up with her now and now he is like texting her for 'catchups' quite alot.. they have gone out for drinks twice now and they've been gone for like 4-5 hours and ive not heard anything until she gets home.

i really dont trust him, its very suspicious that he has come back on the scene and wants to hang out with her now he is single.. last time i bought this up with my girlfriend she just turned it into an argument.

i dont know what to do :/
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username1623349
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#2
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#2
You should trust her. Leave them to get on with it and trust that nothing will happen. If anything does, end it. But until then you should trust her.
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Josb
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
i really dont trust him, its very suspicious that he has come back on the scene and wants to hang out with her now he is single.. last time i bought this up with my girlfriend she just turned it into an argument.
She knows that it upsets you and still saw him again?

That doesn't smell good...
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username1623349
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Josb)
She knows that it upsets you and still saw him again?

That doesn't smell good...
Why should she stop seeing an old friend because of his paranoia? I once had a controlling boyfriend who stopped me seeing my friend of 14 years, and if that happened again I don't think I'd want to be with him anymore because he clearly doesn't trust me, and in a relationship you shouldn't control who your partner hangs out with
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username1623349
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#5
Report 6 years ago
#5
(Original post by secretlad)
she turned it around saying that i dont trust her, that i want to stop her seeing her friends..blah blah, but that isnt the case.. it just makes me uncomfortable her being around a guy that she hasnt spoken to in so long and now hes single hes wanting to see her.. its not even just a couple of hour catchup, they're gone for like 4/5 hours
I'd see it exactly the way she has. It's not okay to tell her who she can hang around with. You should trust that she won't cheat on you. If you genuinely believe she might, then this relationship isn't the right one for you
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#6
(Original post by georgiaswift)
I'd see it exactly the way she has. It's not okay to tell her who she can hang around with. You should trust that she won't cheat on you. If you genuinely believe she might, then this relationship isn't the right one for you
its hard when you know how a guys brain works...
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Anonymous #2
#7
Report 6 years ago
#7
(Original post by georgiaswift)
You should trust her. Leave them to get on with it and trust that nothing will happen. If anything does, end it. But until then you should trust her.
But can she be trusted with her emotions?

Reasonable people, when under the spell of their own emotions, do quite unreasonable things.
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Anonymous #2
#8
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#8
(Original post by georgiaswift)
I'd see it exactly the way she has. It's not okay to tell her who she can hang around with. You should trust that she won't cheat on you. If you genuinely believe she might, then this relationship isn't the right one for you
While his girlfriend is absolutely free to meet whomever she likes, his concerns are justifiable - so let's not pretend that he is some sort of paranoid control-freak.
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Armastan
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#9
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#9
I think the fact that both of their exes stopped them from seeing each other says something about how close the two of them were, to the point that even their boy/girlfriend were worried that something was going on between them. You have reason to be concerned about it. It does sound like he's only started talking to her again as a rebound now that's he is single. If she still goes out to see him while knowing you're upset and worried about it, then she's being selfish and immature when she could sit down and talk it out with you rather than start a huge argument. Her getting defensive over it suggests she may have something to hide.. :/
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Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
While his girlfriend is absolutely free to meet whomever she likes, his concerns are justifiable - so let's not pretend that he is some sort of paranoid control-freak.
yeah i dont want to control her at all, and i do trust her.. she really isnt that type. shes more of the innocent doesnt know what guys think of her kind of girl.. but i just dont know how to bring it up with her.

i dont want to argue with her about it, but im really not comfortable with her going out for drinks with a guy thats only come back on the scene since being single...
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koolkat77
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#11
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#11
(Original post by georgiaswift)
Why should she stop seeing an old friend because of his paranoia? I once had a controlling boyfriend who stopped me seeing my friend of 14 years, and if that happened again I don't think I'd want to be with him anymore because he clearly doesn't trust me, and in a relationship you shouldn't control who your partner hangs out with
True.
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Anonymous #3
#12
Report 6 years ago
#12
There's not much you can do about her here. If you try to reason with her or do anything that will show that you want her to listen to you rather than do what she wants she'll think you don't care about what she wants, or that you don't trust her. With these things in her mind she might start to associate him with more positive feelings and freedom, and you'll be worse off. That's if she's ignorant enough to not try to understand your feelings, because they're normal to have, and if she isn't talking them out with you properly then it makes more sense that they still persist.

What you can try to do is keep trying to be positive, find activities to do with her, something new or whatever makes her happy. Give her the space she wants and trust her too. You can also try to occupy yourself or even hang out with your own friend and see if she misses being with you.

I really do understand how you feel, but this situation is going to be a test for you and your relationship. Try not to let your doubts and insecurities drive you crazy about this or you might do/say something reckless. I hope she will also see some sense and not betray you on a whim.
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Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
There's not much you can do about her here. If you try to reason with her or do anything that will show that you want her to listen to you rather than do what she wants she'll think you don't care about what she wants, or that you don't trust her. With these things in her mind she might start to associate him with more positive feelings and freedom, and you'll be worse off. That's if she's ignorant enough to not try to understand your feelings, because they're normal to have, and if she isn't talking them out with you properly then it makes more sense that they still persist.

What you can try to do is keep trying to be positive, find activities to do with her, something new or whatever makes her happy. Give her the space she wants and trust her too. You can also try to occupy yourself or even hang out with your own friend and see if she misses being with you.

I really do understand how you feel, but this situation is going to be a test for you and your relationship. Try not to let your doubts and insecurities drive you crazy about this or you might do/say something reckless. I hope she will also see some sense and not betray you on a whim.
thanks! great help anon http://static1.tsrfiles.co.uk/15.0/i...es/biggrin.png guess i just have to try to ignore it as much as i can.

its hard when i know if i was meeting up with a girl for drinks for hours on end i know she wouldnt like it! but i dont want to play games, ill just try and hang out with my own friends more, see how that goes
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username47781
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#14
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#14
Guys and girls can be just friends, she is allowed to have a social life.
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Nightwing_
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#15
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#15
It doesn't have to be suspicious. I reckon next time go along, not in an obsessive way obviously just like "oh I'm not up to much, mind if I tag along?". If she is not happy with this, then I'd ask why, if you've been seeing each other for a while it shouldn't be weird for you to crash an evening with a friend. If you spend some time with the two of them, chances are it'll put your mind at rest.
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AvaAdore
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Josb)
She knows that it upsets you and still saw him again?

That doesn't smell good...
So what? That's his issue not hers. She shouldn't be punished just coz he doesn't trust her, she's not done anything wrong
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So Instinct
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#17
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#17
(Original post by AvaAdore)
So what? That's his issue not hers. She shouldn't be punished just coz he doesn't trust her, she's not done anything wrong
Is pretentious about grammar, says 'coz'.


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Plumstone
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#18
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#18
Girls can have male friends without there being anything untoward going on between them. Even if this guy is interested in her, it doesn't mean that she's going to cheat on you with him.

I've had male friends who fancied me, but my boyfriend never worried about it because he knows that I love him and am completely faithful to him.

If you argue with your girlfriend about this guy, then she's only going to spend more time with him and resent you for trying to control her. I think you should try to relax and stop worrying about it. If she's going to cheat, then nothing you do will stop her, and if she's not going to cheat then harassing her about it will only upset and frustrate her.

If you feel that she's spending an excessive amount of time with him, then suggest something that you and she can do together - make it about wanting to spend more time with her, not about stopping her from spending time with him.

Good luck and let us know how it goes
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Anonymous #1
#19
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#19
okay so seen her tonight, has asked if id go out with her him and a few others on a night out sometime..whether that happens or not we shall see, although he was messaging her tonight asking her if he could come see her to talk to her about something... he asked her last night if he could phone her when no one is around? and she ignored that and now hes asking if he can come see her when she has ten minutes.. to talk to her about something? i really dont trust this guy.. he seems slimey!
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Anonymous #1
#20
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#20
she just has an innocent mind and cant tell when a guy is trying to get her, she just thinks hes a friend so wouldnt think of doing that.. and i dont like the fact that hes trying.
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