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    Hello everybody!

    First of all, I know that my problem is pretty common and uninteresting. But still, I'd appreciate all your recommendations, similar experience etc. To be honest, I feel like I really need to talk about this with somebody.

    So, let's begin with little story...
    I got my B.S. from Informatics last year. Before this school I've never seriously programmed and I didn't like maths. But during the first term programming immediately interested me, and I was able to pick up the basics pretty fast, so I finished ranked about 20th place from approximately 180 students attending this course (there was a ladder with points).

    My supervisor proposed me a pretty interesting topic for my Bachelor thesis, which was a part of a larger research project concentrating on different ways of implementation of parallel programs for large clusters. I agreed. I had huge problems with this thesis, because it turned out, that the topic was not only new for me, but some problems were very atypical in general. Eventually, I finished my thesis and I was even awarded with Dean's special award for outstanding Bachelor thesis.

    After that I was offered a part-time job in our research center. I was very excited, because our research center is the best in my country and it's considered a very prestigious thing, to be there, so I left my job in a software company and went there.

    So far so good...

    But later I was proposed to attend another field of study (for my Master's degree) more concentrating on maths - almost everyone in this research centre has this qualification. I agreed, but during last summer I found out, that this field will not be opened this year and so I went (again, after recommendations) to the other field, concentrating purely on mathematics without programming or anything else.

    And that's where my problems started. Despite I was assured by multiple researchers and members of faculty about this field, I found out early, that it requires deep knowledge of topics from Bachelor degree. So now I'm stuck with courses I'm just trying to survive and with my job in research (which is great itself, but really time-consuming).

    Every day I'm trying to study a lot, I barely eat or sleep, but, to be honest, I'm beginning to feel really depressed. During 2 months of this term I've lost about 22lbs and still there are topics I don't understand at all. Especially one subject, concentrating on Functional analysis is completely incomprehensible for me at this point.

    The worst thing is, I don't have any time to go into details in any topic, so I just try to grasp the basics everywhere and I really hate this type of studying, when I don't understand the topic properly and I just hope, that "the professor will not demand solution of this problem". I'm permanently stressed by this, because I know, how many knowledge gaps I have.

    So, my worst fear is that I'll not be able to finish this term which will kill my career in research. I've sacrificed body-building, playing guitar and even hanging out with friends to this dream of mine. If I failed, my family, girlfriend and even my professors will be deeply disappointed (because of their previous experience, they consider me a quite talented student) and I would be too.

    I feel like a complete idiot who caused his problems by himself and I feel ashamed in every class I attend... Sometimes I even think I'm simply too stupid to learn advanced maths, even if I hope it's not this case.

    So, do you have any recommendations or similar experience? Share even you opinions if you want to, I appreciate every reaction. In normal life I'm ashamed to talk about this, because people usually think: "Oh, he's bald-headed man in a leather jacket, he looks he doesn't give a f***", but the truth is, this time it's simply too difficult not to speak about it at all.

    Thank you very much and I'm sorry for the length of the question.
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    Hi,

    It seems that you're talking about postgrad study, so I'll move this over to our dedicated PG forums.

    Cheers
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    (Original post by BeM92)
    So, do you have any recommendations or similar experience? Share even you opinions if you want to, I appreciate every reaction. In normal life I'm ashamed to talk about this, because people usually think: "Oh, he's bald-headed man in a leather jacket, he looks he doesn't give a f***", but the truth is, this time it's simply too difficult not to speak about it at all.

    Thank you very much and I'm sorry for the length of the question.
    That sounds like a really stressful situation and I can understand how hard it must be.
    I'd really strongly urge you to speak to your supervisor or any other advisory person that you can as soon as possible. Its obvious that your mental health is at risk here, and its really not a good idea to keep pushing yourself in this direction when you're burning yourself out so badly. Academia brings out our insecurities and anxieties a lot, and this can make it really hard to admit that we are struggling when we want to look good. But the sooner you speak to your supervisor and University about it, the sooner you can get some fresh perspective and hopefully encouragement. They might have suggestions or ideas for how to proceed that you hadn't thought of, or aren't aware of.

    On the issue itself, is there any way to slow it down, and extend how long you have to do it to give you time for additional catch up learning? It might be worth taking the year off and doing some other job, and coming back when that other option you do prefer comes back, or moving to a different University altogether. Have you just started this semester? If so then not too much is lost in terms of funds, but deciding fast is important.
    But yeh.... if you're not happy don't do it to yourself. Prestige isn't everything.
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    I think people can put too much pressure on themselves at Masters level.

    A key thing to remember is that you don't have to understand everything and it doesn't have to be in the finest level of detail even then. You can streamline things and pinpoint what you will be assessed on and just focus on that. A Masters can be pretty broad in terms of the content delivered so it is ok to narrow things down in order that you can play to your strengths. If you're not going to need it for an essay or exam, sometimes it is ok to just breathe and walk away.

    I get the feeling that not everyone will agree with this but that's ok. Everyone copes differently.

    Wishing you well.
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    (Original post by BeM92)
    Hello everybody!

    First of all, I know that my problem is pretty common and uninteresting. But still, I'd appreciate all your recommendations, similar experience etc. To be honest, I feel like I really need to talk about this with somebody.

    So, let's begin with little story...
    I got my B.S. from Informatics last year. Before this school I've never seriously programmed and I didn't like maths. But during the first term programming immediately interested me, and I was able to pick up the basics pretty fast, so I finished ranked about 20th place from approximately 180 students attending this course (there was a ladder with points).

    My supervisor proposed me a pretty interesting topic for my Bachelor thesis, which was a part of a larger research project concentrating on different ways of implementation of parallel programs for large clusters. I agreed. I had huge problems with this thesis, because it turned out, that the topic was not only new for me, but some problems were very atypical in general. Eventually, I finished my thesis and I was even awarded with Dean's special award for outstanding Bachelor thesis.

    After that I was offered a part-time job in our research center. I was very excited, because our research center is the best in my country and it's considered a very prestigious thing, to be there, so I left my job in a software company and went there.

    So far so good...

    But later I was proposed to attend another field of study (for my Master's degree) more concentrating on maths - almost everyone in this research centre has this qualification. I agreed, but during last summer I found out, that this field will not be opened this year and so I went (again, after recommendations) to the other field, concentrating purely on mathematics without programming or anything else.

    And that's where my problems started. Despite I was assured by multiple researchers and members of faculty about this field, I found out early, that it requires deep knowledge of topics from Bachelor degree. So now I'm stuck with courses I'm just trying to survive and with my job in research (which is great itself, but really time-consuming).

    Every day I'm trying to study a lot, I barely eat or sleep, but, to be honest, I'm beginning to feel really depressed. During 2 months of this term I've lost about 22lbs and still there are topics I don't understand at all. Especially one subject, concentrating on Functional analysis is completely incomprehensible for me at this point.

    The worst thing is, I don't have any time to go into details in any topic, so I just try to grasp the basics everywhere and I really hate this type of studying, when I don't understand the topic properly and I just hope, that "the professor will not demand solution of this problem". I'm permanently stressed by this, because I know, how many knowledge gaps I have.

    So, my worst fear is that I'll not be able to finish this term which will kill my career in research. I've sacrificed body-building, playing guitar and even hanging out with friends to this dream of mine. If I failed, my family, girlfriend and even my professors will be deeply disappointed (because of their previous experience, they consider me a quite talented student) and I would be too.

    I feel like a complete idiot who caused his problems by himself and I feel ashamed in every class I attend... Sometimes I even think I'm simply too stupid to learn advanced maths, even if I hope it's not this case.

    So, do you have any recommendations or similar experience? Share even you opinions if you want to, I appreciate every reaction. In normal life I'm ashamed to talk about this, because people usually think: "Oh, he's bald-headed man in a leather jacket, he looks he doesn't give a f***", but the truth is, this time it's simply too difficult not to speak about it at all.

    Thank you very much and I'm sorry for the length of the question.
    You are struggling with the Maths. I suggest you study it part-time if possible or perhaps leave it altogether and focus on your strengths.
 
 
 
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