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Is it ever okay to hack partners Facebook? watch

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    • #1
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    #1

    Understandably, I'll get many people here responding to this with criticisms and upsets. However, for the last week or two I've had these 'niggles' she's upto something.

    I know that lately she's been busy with her new job and what not, and is supposedly working 40-50 hours a week. We're long distance, so I do not see her regularly, other than to go down.

    Anyhow, recently our communications has dwindled. We talk less, she sometimes sees my messages and does not reply until later on and in some cases she doesnt at all.

    Other times, she tells me "we'll skype/call tomorrow", and then ends up saying she fell asleep on the sofa or what not else. There just isn't a consistency to our comms.

    It's gone through my mind that she may be consumed with giving/recieving attention from someone else but honestly, objectively I cannot prove it.

    I've discussed how it makes me feel, and the issue of our comms. I even blew up at her on Facebook and went mad, and it was clear I'd upset her. Thing is, when we skyped she didn't seem as pissed off as she would usually be.

    Therefore, is it justifiable for me to go into her facebook to check whether I'm imagining these things or not?

    Problem is, if I go in there and nothing is there I feel guilty, if there is im *********.

    She said shes taken on extra shift at work today and started two hours ago, yet her Facebook tells me she was online just an hour ago. Does this mean she was not at work? I understand it could mean shes on her break but still...
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    No it is never okay, but I can understand why someone would do it. If she is making you feel like this, and isn't responding in a reasonable way when you tell her how you feel, do you really want to be in this relationship anyway?
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    Not really.

    Talk to her about it.
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    Is it okay to break into someone's house to read their mail?
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    instead of going sneaky, why dont you ask her about it?
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    Communicate with her instead of being sly. If you can't trust her, it doesn't sound like a great relationship.
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    It's quite clear you don't trust her at all and aren't happy with the way your relationship is at the moment. Are you sure you still want to be with her?
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    No.
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    Seriously, just talk to her. If you still can't trust her, then maybe you shouldn't be together...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Understandably, I'll get many people here responding to this with criticisms and upsets. However, for the last week or two I've had these 'niggles' she's upto something.

    I know that lately she's been busy with her new job and what not, and is supposedly working 40-50 hours a week. We're long distance, so I do not see her regularly, other than to go down.

    Anyhow, recently our communications has dwindled. We talk less, she sometimes sees my messages and does not reply until later on and in some cases she doesnt at all.

    Other times, she tells me "we'll skype/call tomorrow", and then ends up saying she fell asleep on the sofa or what not else. There just isn't a consistency to our comms.

    It's gone through my mind that she may be consumed with giving/recieving attention from someone else but honestly, objectively I cannot prove it.

    I've discussed how it makes me feel, and the issue of our comms. I even blew up at her on Facebook and went mad, and it was clear I'd upset her. Thing is, when we skyped she didn't seem as pissed off as she would usually be.

    Therefore, is it justifiable for me to go into her facebook to check whether I'm imagining these things or not?

    Problem is, if I go in there and nothing is there I feel guilty, if there is im *********.

    She said shes taken on extra shift at work today and started two hours ago, yet her Facebook tells me she was online just an hour ago. Does this mean she was not at work? I understand it could mean shes on her break but still...
    Not privy to your relationship other than your perceived thoughts and feelings here but I say do it. If you are some insecure clingy beta then dont. If her behaviours are objectively raising lots of red flags, then do it
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    No of course not. How would you like it if she did that to you? And the FB online status thing isn't always accurate so forget about that. Just talk to her. Long distance is hard enough as it is without you invading her privacy.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for all your replies.

    Just a bit of backstory and context. When we first started dating, perhaps lets say a few weeks in- she told me she kissed her best friend (a girl) whilst on a night out. That night in question, I had recieved lots of missed calls from her, and I had a panicky voicemail from her and numerous texts to the tune of "call me ASAP". I didn't actually see any of this till following morning.

    To cut the story short: I rang her up the next day- she had explained to me rather abruptly that she'd 'got off and kissed' her best friend. She said she'd felt incredibly guilty and burst into tears immediately afterwards and wanted to tell me asap.

    My immediate reaction was one of disgust and a huge disappointment in my heart. However, I admired her respect for me in that she told me almost soon after the incident. Notice, I didn't waiver the fact she had 'disrespected' me by kissing somebody else.

    I probed for answers, although she refused to tell me which 'friend'. I knew she was bisexual, but also that her girly friends kissed each other all the time. But because I knew of her sexuality it played on my mind that she may have actually do this lustfully with sexual intent.

    She explained that her and said mate did that sort of thing alot before me, and that she just didn't think (completely forgot and was drunken).

    For some reason, I looked past it, after several drinks and the notion that she'd 'fessed' up immediately. It was a hard truth to swallow, and I had that horrible tight feeling in my throat/chest. Part of me said 'kick her to the curb' the other part told me 'I've only just started going out with this girl, shes already strayed-- but do I forgive her due to her sincerity?'.

    Anyways- we moved forward, for a while she was very transparent and always honest with me. I'd press her about it for ages and ages.

    I'd almost forgotten about it (nearly two years ago); but it always has a way of creeping in when her routine is out of the ordinary, and because I now live other side of country its even harder.

    We're engaged, our relationship has changed, we are much closer and our connection is deeper. But 'once bitten, twice shy' as they say. There is always that query of ' what if'. My mind is active all the time....

    Also- she had once left her Facebook open and I saw that she'd been communicating with some guy. He'd been saying to her: "Oh hey babes. How're you? Oh your close to me, we should meet up amazee-ballz"...communicating in a very bubbly manner. Though, I know from her mentioning this guy, she claims he is gay. Upon seeing his profile, I thought he looked camp.

    She responded: "We should defo meet up sometime babes". Part of me was so so dissapointed, but other side I thought hes probably just very camp and they are communicating like this because of that. Rather than it been romantic. There again, there is always a chance he isn't.

    Alas, I put it to rest in my head. Pushed it out of sight out of mind.

    Now that her schedule is changing all the time. These such incidents are cropping back up.
    • Section Leader
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    Answer = no. Get some trust or your relationship will collapse. Simple as.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Plumstone)
    Seriously, just talk to her. If you still can't trust her, then maybe you shouldn't be together...
    I've chatted to her before. We've had many stages in the relationship where I've thought she was cheating. Each time she reassures me, and I have this temporary sense of happiness and glee.

    Then the more I think about it, and particular incidents the more things dont always add up. But maybe I overthink. I have anxiety issues as it is.

    Also, very early on in our relationship she snogged someone on a night out-- see my post below-- however, I forgave her (despite painful process), because she immediately confessed the day after. However, as much as I have moved on, it has never left me.

    Always fixate on it, despite her trying to prove to me since. Objectively, how can I ever know she hasn't/isn't doing so again. People cannot blame me for feeling this way. Yet at the same time, I have this warm feeling when we're together, I love her so deeply. We;re engaged and I see a future with her (despite my troubles), but I don't want to be a doormat blinded by 'love' only to be cheated on all along.

    If indeed I find out she has cheated throughout our relationship- I shall not be happy.

    I'm not saying i will actively hack her Facebook. But it is tempting.

    I;ve peered at her messages before (after she'd left herself logged in), which was awful of me. But I just had an overpowering feeling.
    • Welcome Squad
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    being sly is never the answer.

    And even if you did hack, what makes you think most of her interactions (sexual, from your assumptions) is going to be on Fb? Wouldn't it be on her phone - or are you gonna hack that too? :rofl:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've chatted to her before. We've had many stages in the relationship where I've thought she was cheating. Each time she reassures me, and I have this temporary sense of happiness and glee.

    Then the more I think about it, and particular incidents the more things dont always add up. But maybe I overthink. I have anxiety issues as it is.

    Also, very early on in our relationship she snogged someone on a night out-- see my post below-- however, I forgave her (despite painful process), because she immediately confessed the day after. However, as much as I have moved on, it has never left me.

    Always fixate on it, despite her trying to prove to me since. Objectively, how can I ever know she hasn't/isn't doing so again. People cannot blame me for feeling this way. Yet at the same time, I have this warm feeling when we're together, I love her so deeply. We;re engaged and I see a future with her (despite my troubles), but I don't want to be a doormat blinded by 'love' only to be cheated on all along.

    If indeed I find out she has cheated throughout our relationship- I shall not be happy.

    I'm not saying i will actively hack her Facebook. But it is tempting.

    I;ve peered at her messages before (after she'd left herself logged in), which was awful of me. But I just had an overpowering feeling.
    Do you really want to live the rest of your life wondering if she's cheating, checking her facebook for conversations with other guys, hunting for clues of infidelity?

    If this is a recurring problem (which is seems to be) then maybe you should seek professional help. Can you imagine how frustrating it must be for your girlfriend to know that you don't trust her?

    She kissed a guy once at the beginning of the relationship, probably before she had any idea that things were going to get serious with you. It's not great, but it doesn't mean that she's going to do it again.

    If you can't get over it, then it would be better to end it now than have both of you suffer for years longer.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Plumstone)
    Do you really want to live the rest of your life wondering if she's cheating, checking her facebook for conversations with other guys, hunting for clues of infidelity?

    If this is a recurring problem (which is seems to be) then maybe you should seek professional help. Can you imagine how frustrating it must be for your girlfriend to know that you don't trust her?

    She kissed a guy once at the beginning of the relationship, probably before she had any idea that things were going to get serious with you. It's not great, but it doesn't mean that she's going to do it again.

    If you can't get over it, then it would be better to end it now than have both of you suffer for years longer.
    True- to your first point. I agree, do not want this.

    I am seeking help from a Psychotherapist, but not for this issue, this is a seperate issue. I am getting help for emotional problems/anxiety/depression. However, I have brought this issue up with my therapist.

    She has offered limited insights into this; other that to say 'its normal you should feel like this'. And that, I should try focus on the present and what I actually know, rather than what I presume.

    I still feel a bit hurt over the kiss. I admired her honesty so close to the incidence, but it will always be in my head. I can't undo this. If I could I really would trust me.

    Society tells us- peoples past dictates current behaviour, and with this incidence in mind I always think- its a possibility.

    I also know that it doesn't mean she wont do it again. But there is no way of me knowing that. I aint inside her head.
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    Google, Facebook, and the government all spy on our accounts. You'll just be another person added to the list of people who read her emails.

    So why not!
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    i thought it was normal to hack into users facebook?
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    (Original post by Luneth)
    Is it okay to break into someone's house to read their mail?
    You don't need to break into someone's house to read their emails :fyi:
 
 
 
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