Comprimising being nice for standing up for yourself

I don't know if this is all in my mind but I've come to the assumption that this is how things work lately.

Ever since I can remember I've been overly, OVERLY sensitive to people's feelings - never wanting to offend or make somebody feel insecure or anxious around me because I knew what it was like and how crap it feels when people do that to you. (whether intentionally or UN).

Unfortunately, as everybody know, Nice guys finish last and being nice all the time means people end up walking all over you as I don't know how to say no or stick up for myself without thinking I'm going to hurt someone's feelings.

I want this to change. I've realised that it's not actually fair on me at all. When people have been mean to me recently, I've stood up for myself and given it back.

My problem is that I don't want to become a really mean person and not care about people's feelings, I'm scared that trying to be assertive is going to turn me into a cold-hearted person only interested in myself.

Also, I wan't to not let people walk all over me but at the same time, not be too over the top in confrontations so that they think I'm a rude or inconsiderate person.

:confused:

If anyone can help I would appreciate it a lot!!

Reply 1

britishseapower

14

just do it, it's not going to turn you into a mean person. I'm the same, well I wouldn't say I'm sensitive but I can be a bit of a walkover at times. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down though, like I had a girl at uni who kept coming to me for help with assignments and it got to the point where I may as well have put my name on them because I was doing all the work so I just told her to do one the day before a deadline as she was obviously taking the piss.

Reply 2

40550

2

Doesn't have to be bad thing, just seperate the two behaviours. Save the "hard" side purely for the situations when its needed. I'm a decent, kind person but if I feel wrongly done by, I make sure I always get a few words in

Comprimising being nice for standing up for yourself

Related discussions

Articles for you