We are around the same age (20/21) he has no sexual experience whereas I have quite a bit (I'm female).
Guess I'm just wondering if there are any women who've been in a similar situation?
He's very shy when it comes to intimacy. We've shared a bed but it only went as far as kissing. He seemed nervous and reluctant to touch me in an intimate manner. When he got excited he apologised! I told him that it is a normal biological response and that he has nothing to be sorry for but he seemed so embarrassed still.
Obviously my main concern is rushing him - I never want to make him feel uncomfortable. I've never dated a virgin before and I find it unusual. Most guys I have been with have been pretty confident sexually.
How and when do I go about making the move? Should I even be the one to make the move or should I wait for him to do it? I would like to talk about sex openly with him but he gets so awkward about it.
What do you think? Advice much appreciated
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I'm dating a male virgin. Advice? watch
- Thread Starter
- 05-11-2015 10:47
- 05-11-2015 12:20
If he is nervous then it's probably best if you make the move but don't force him should he not want to at that particular time. Just give him time, he'll slowly come round as he becomes more confident with you. Patience is the key. You want the fine balance between pushing him towards doing it but without actually forcing him into it.
- 05-11-2015 12:27
A virgin who is reluctant about smashing ?
- 05-11-2015 12:54
My boyfriend was 20 and a virgin when I met him. He's really shy with most people but we communicate openly and it means that we can easily talk about sex without it being awkward. However we didn't need to discuss it; we both knew we wanted it, and after the brief question of 'shall we go upstairs?' we just did it. Just be willing to go at his pace and don't try to rush him into it, and you'll be fine
- 05-11-2015 13:38
you sound like a great understanding girl. I suggest you teach him, tell him not to worry maybe placing his hands on parts of your body you taking the lead, make him confident and comfortable around you.
- 05-11-2015 13:42
Any reason as to why he dosent want to bang?
- 05-11-2015 14:26
I think you should make the first move. How about you ease him into it without going into full-on sex straight away? Maybe start by giving him a blowjob and encourage him to touch you in private places?
- 08-11-2015 02:21
I get being nervous or somewhat cautious, as I assume I would be in that context too, but feeling sorry? That is humorous.
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- 08-11-2015 02:57
Well, I've noticed that men tend towards one of two extremes. Either they're really confident and they want sex without regard to the girl's feelings, or they feel so awkward about it that they're reluctant to have it at all. There's very little in-between.
One thing you might want to make sure he knows is that you would find sex with him pleasurable. Some men are brought up thinking that sex is usually painful for women and that it's kind of selfish to want it. Or they might think that they'll scare a girl into thinking she's about to be raped if she sees an erection while they're touching.
Let me put it this way. If I were walking to a class and a girl was in front of me after one or two forks in the path, I would sometimes deliberately take a different path at the next fork in the path and use a long way around so that I wouldn't have to walk behind her. I saw a video talking about how paranoid women get about men following them, so that makes me self-conscious that any girl I walk behind for too long will think I'm stalking her.
This definitely isn't the kind of guy you would want to present with a challenge or play hard to get with. You would want to be really friendly and inviting, open, expressive. You really want him to know that you liked being touched, trust him, and aren't afraid of his body. This can be difficult for women because they're usually taught to do the exact opposite of all this with men in order to protect themselves, but if you do all that with this kind of guy... he'll be put off and feel afraid of hurting or scaring you.
The reason this is so complicated is that most guys are so "hungry" for "it", that they don't care about hurting someone to get what they want and will make all kind of assumptions and push their way into a sexual situation unless you hit them on the head with a "no" or a "stop". But there are also guys that are really sensitive to signals of reluctance or rejection, perhaps even imagining them where they don't exist, and you can't really use the same approach successfully here.
Does that make sense?