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    i've been seeing this guy for about 6 months, we don't see each other often because he's at work and i'm at uni. we used to text a lot, but now we text less than once a week :/
    i understand that he's busy and so i don't want to bother him by texting him all the time.
    but whenever he has time off work he'll text me and ask if i want to meet up. and whenever we do meet up we end up doing "stuff" lol

    i know he has lots of friends who are girls, and sometimes i feel like he's maybe more interested in some of them than he is in me. i don't want to be that annoying girl who tells him to stop talking to other girls and give me more attention, but sometimes it really annoys me.
    this sounds immature, but it pisses me off when he likes and comments on other girls' pictures on instagram.

    i'm the type of girl who is really good at hiding things and showing that i don't care, but obviously i do, i just don't want to say anything because it makes it look like i'm obsessed with him. and that's just creepy.

    is he just using me for his own sexual pleasure?
    i don't understand guys, they say they want a girl who is chilled out but it seems as if they enjoy being with a clingy psycho girl more.
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    This depends. When you say you're 'seeing him', does this just mean you fool around? Or are you actually going on dates, getting to know each other etc?

    If it's the former then yes, I'd say he's using you. If it's the latter, if you aren't officially a couple he can post and comment on whatever he wants (although tbf he can still do that once you're together as long as it's not emotional cheating). Maybe try going out together and not just messing around every time you meet up.

    And you can always straight up ask him if it's purely fwb or if he intends to take it further
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    (Original post by booyahkasha)
    i've been seeing this guy for about 6 months, we don't see each other often because he's at work and i'm at uni. we used to text a lot, but now we text less than once a week :/
    i understand that he's busy and so i don't want to bother him by texting him all the time.
    but whenever he has time off work he'll text me and ask if i want to meet up. and whenever we do meet up we end up doing "stuff" lol

    i know he has lots of friends who are girls, and sometimes i feel like he's maybe more interested in some of them than he is in me. i don't want to be that annoying girl who tells him to stop talking to other girls and give me more attention, but sometimes it really annoys me.
    this sounds immature, but it pisses me off when he likes and comments on other girls' pictures on instagram.

    i'm the type of girl who is really good at hiding things and showing that i don't care, but obviously i do, i just don't want to say anything because it makes it look like i'm obsessed with him. and that's just creepy.

    is he just using me for his own sexual pleasure?
    i don't understand guys, they say they want a girl who is chilled out but it seems as if they enjoy being with a clingy psycho girl more.
    All humans use other humans.
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    (Original post by Melancholy)
    All humans use other humans.
    Thank God you were here to post. I'm sure that was incredibly useful to the OP.

    (Original post by booyahkasha)
    i've been seeing this guy for about 6 months, we don't see each other often because he's at work and i'm at uni. we used to text a lot, but now we text less than once a week :/
    i understand that he's busy and so i don't want to bother him by texting him all the time.
    but whenever he has time off work he'll text me and ask if i want to meet up. and whenever we do meet up we end up doing "stuff" lol

    i know he has lots of friends who are girls, and sometimes i feel like he's maybe more interested in some of them than he is in me. i don't want to be that annoying girl who tells him to stop talking to other girls and give me more attention, but sometimes it really annoys me.
    this sounds immature, but it pisses me off when he likes and comments on other girls' pictures on instagram.

    i'm the type of girl who is really good at hiding things and showing that i don't care, but obviously i do, i just don't want to say anything because it makes it look like i'm obsessed with him. and that's just creepy.

    is he just using me for his own sexual pleasure?
    i don't understand guys, they say they want a girl who is chilled out but it seems as if they enjoy being with a clingy psycho girl more.
    At the end of the day OP you show no signs of having labelled the relationship, which can be good sometimes, labels can create pressure. But it's been 6 months. You need to have the talk with him and communicate, not least because you clearly have needs not being met, and having the conversation could meet them.

    Are you **** buddies, girlfriend and boyfriend, friends who happen to do intimate things?
    To put it bluntly, is it an exclusive relationship?
    I understand why you feel used, it's a sucky position to be in. Do you feel like that in any of your other relationships? Friends? Family? etc.

    In this instance, communication is the key. But you may get an answer you don't like, if you do, it's okay to cry, and it's okay to feel like ****.

    Assuming the worst:
    As far as I can tell I don't see a cause for blame (based on what we so far know) of him actively trying to 'use' you for sex. He might think it's a two way street.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Thank God you were here to post. I'm sure that was incredibly useful to the OP.
    My advice is just as useful as all the other attempts at offering a perspective on something of which none of us neither (a) have a full understanding nor (b) have any solution.
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    (Original post by Melancholy)
    My advice is just as useful as all the other attempts at offering a perspective on something of which none of us neither (a) have a full understanding nor (b) have any solution.
    Your post was the third. And I fail to see how it was in any way useful. You posted something intentionally void of context. Of course we don't have a full understanding, but we can react to what the OP is communicating/feeling. And I don't see how you can rationally claim there is no solution anyone can have therefore post ****e as opposed to trying to find out more information.

    I don't understand why you posted to begin with if you had nothing of value to add. If you wish to reply, feel free, but do it in PM unless you think it will add value to the OP.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Your post was the third. And I fail to see how it was in any way useful. You posted something intentionally void of context. Of course we don't have a full understanding, but we can react to what the OP is communicating/feeling. And I don't see how you can rationally claim there is no solution anyone can have therefore post ****e as opposed to trying to find out more information.

    I don't understand why you posted to begin with if you had nothing of value to add. If you wish to reply, feel free, but do it in PM unless you think it will add value to the OP.
    The third what?

    It is useful. Many people are able to develop a stoic attitude to life when they recognise that people often "use" each other. What I posted was not ****e, nor void of context, nor devoid of value.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    This depends. When you say you're 'seeing him', does this just mean you fool around? Or are you actually going on dates, getting to know each other etc?

    If it's the former then yes, I'd say he's using you. If it's the latter, if you aren't officially a couple he can post and comment on whatever he wants (although tbf he can still do that once you're together as long as it's not emotional cheating). Maybe try going out together and not just messing around every time you meet up.

    And you can always straight up ask him if it's purely fwb or if he intends to take it further
    we go on dates, and get to know each other. but we always end up doing something sexually related. probably because we don't see each other often.

    i think i will ask him, but i don't want to come across as desperate and clingy :/
    tbh i've never been in a proper relationship. like, i've been in open relationships before but none have lasted long obviously.
    i don't know why, i just don't know how to put up with relationships, so guys automatically assume i just want an open relationship. i don't like commitment.. i'm scared to commit.
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    (Original post by booyahkasha)
    we go on dates, and get to know each other. but we always end up doing something sexually related. probably because we don't see each other often.

    i think i will ask him, but i don't want to come across as desperate and clingy :/
    tbh i've never been in a proper relationship. like, i've been in open relationships before but none have lasted long obviously.
    i don't know why, i just don't know how to put up with relationships, so guys automatically assume i just want an open relationship. i don't like commitment.. i'm scared to commit.
    Okay so, you've found a pattern pretty quickly there. There could be others, but why do you think you've ended up in so many open relationships? How did it start?

    You don't have to answer this to anyone but yourself. But think about what it is that has brought you to an open relationship.

    Clearly you're unhappy, but just changing the relationship itself won't help, you need to find the root cause(s) and address them.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Thank God you were here to post. I'm sure that was incredibly useful to the OP.



    At the end of the day OP you show no signs of having labelled the relationship, which can be good sometimes, labels can create pressure. But it's been 6 months. You need to have the talk with him and communicate, not least because you clearly have needs not being met, and having the conversation could meet them.

    Are you **** buddies, girlfriend and boyfriend, friends who happen to do intimate things?
    To put it bluntly, is it an exclusive relationship?
    I understand why you feel used, it's a sucky position to be in. Do you feel like that in any of your other relationships? Friends? Family? etc.

    In this instance, communication is the key. But you may get an answer you don't like, if you do, it's okay to cry, and it's okay to feel like ****.

    Assuming the worst:
    As far as I can tell I don't see a cause for blame (based on what we so far know) of him actively trying to 'use' you for sex. He might think it's a two way street.
    tbh i don't know.. we have never really talked about what kind of a relationship we're in.
    i don't like using the term bf/gf because i dunno... i don't feel like he's my bf because we don't talk as much, or see each other as much as bf'gf's should.

    thanks for your help anyway! i will definitely talk to him about this, i just hope it goes well..
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Okay so, you've found a pattern pretty quickly there. There could be others, but why do you think you've ended up in so many open relationships? How did it start?

    You don't have to answer this to anyone but yourself. But think about what it is that has brought you to an open relationship.

    Clearly you're unhappy, but just changing the relationship itself won't help, you need to find the root cause(s) and address them.
    i'm not in an open relationship atm though, i'm only seeing him.

    i don't know.. i think it's because i can't be bothered being in a proper relationship because they are sooo much effort. and i'm still young, only 21, so i'm not worried about finding an actual partner right now.
    but it's starting to annoy me, i actually want to be in a relationship with this guy, but i feel like maybe he's just using me for the time being until he finds a girl he's actually interested in...
    maybe i'm just paranoid
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    (Original post by booyahkasha)
    i'm not in an open relationship atm though, i'm only seeing him.

    i don't know.. i think it's because i can't be bothered being in a proper relationship because they are sooo much effort. and i'm still young, only 21, so i'm not worried about finding an actual partner right now.
    but it's starting to annoy me, i actually want to be in a relationship with this guy, but i feel like maybe he's just using me for the time being until he finds a girl he's actually interested in...
    maybe i'm just paranoid
    I don't think this is a case of paranoia (though I won't say you're not paranoid, don't know you that well ).


    You have presented a few issues here:
    Firstly, you don't want to be used, but you say you're only seeing him and you're not in any kind of relationship with him.

    Well how can it be that you remain 'seeing him' without feeling used because you don't just want to see him.

    You say you can't be bothered being in a proper relationship because they're too much effort and you're still young, but at the same time that you do want to be in a relationship with him.

    Essentially what I'm getting from this is that you're not even sure how you see him.

    In a bid to avoid labels which can be confusing it looks like you've ended up trying to cling to the label of 'no label', which doesn't really give a lot of authority to your emotions (which seem to be that you wish to be with him as more than 'nothing').

    So the questions are:
    What are your emotions when you see/think of him?
    What does 'using you' mean in this situation?
    How is he meant to not 'use you' if you haven't communicated any of the above to him?
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    If he is not emotionally invested in you, then yes, he is using you for your 'stuff'.

    EDIT: Actually after reading this
    (Original post by booyahkasha)
    i'm only seeing him.

    i can't be bothered being in a proper relationship because they are sooo much effort.
    maybe i'm just paranoid
    Then you are both FWBs and you're using each other.
    But I guess he would be the one assumed to be using you because he is the one who texts you to meet up.
 
 
 
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