Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I am from Northern Ireland. I live on a campus in England; in a studio flat with plenty of space for visitors. I've only been in university 2 months.

    My mother has visited me twice for a total of two weeks during these past two months. The whole time she was here, we were both getting digs by family members/others wondering why she was visiting.

    For her it is not only a trip to see me but a break away from home. I don't have anyone in my flat so I like the company and family time is important to me.We have the money to travel on multiple trips so it is not a problem to either of us. (I go home once a month anyway).She has just gone back home and received even more digs, family members acting like she was here for a month when she was only here for a few days.

    I don't see anything wrong with it. It's a case of people sticking their oar in where it's not needed. I don't know why they think it's any of their business? Can they not be happy for me? At the end of day it's up to me who visits the flat - not them.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    I am from Northern Ireland. I live on a campus in England; in a studio flat with plenty of space for visitors. I've only been in university 2 months.

    My mother has visited me twice for a total of two weeks during these past two months. The whole time she was here, we were both getting digs by family members/others wondering why she was visiting.

    For her it is not only a trip to see me but a break away from home. I don't have anyone in my flat so I like the company and family time is important to me.We have the money to travel on multiple trips so it is not a problem to either of us. (I go home once a month anyway).She has just gone back home and received even more digs, family members acting like she was here for a month when she was only here for a few days.

    I don't see anything wrong with it. It's a case of people sticking their oar in where it's not needed. I don't know why they think it's any of their business? Can they not be happy for me? At the end of day it's up to me who visits the flat - not them.
    Nothing wrong with it at all. My mum usually visits me every 2-3 weeks in uni too.

    I used to get a lot of **** for it from my flatmates in 1st year but they were just jealous that their parents didn't visit and take them out for dinner/a shop.

    People have this misconception that once you're in uni, your ties to your parents should stop because you've moved out. It's stupid, if you're close to your mother that's great and you shouldn't let what others think of it hurt your relationship.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I don't understand it. Family ties are important to me, I don't want to ditch my parents as soon as I get here. This is not my home either, yes I will spend a lot of my year here but there will be a lot of time throughout the year that I spend time back home, for example, Christmas holidays are 5 weeks.

    I think you're right, they're just jealous that their parents never visit and cook for them.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    I am from Northern Ireland. I live on a campus in England; in a studio flat with plenty of space for visitors. I've only been in university 2 months.

    My mother has visited me twice for a total of two weeks during these past two months. The whole time she was here, we were both getting digs by family members/others wondering why she was visiting.

    For her it is not only a trip to see me but a break away from home. I don't have anyone in my flat so I like the company and family time is important to me.We have the money to travel on multiple trips so it is not a problem to either of us. (I go home once a month anyway).She has just gone back home and received even more digs, family members acting like she was here for a month when she was only here for a few days.

    I don't see anything wrong with it. It's a case of people sticking their oar in where it's not needed. I don't know why they think it's any of their business? Can they not be happy for me? At the end of day it's up to me who visits the flat - not them.
    There's nothing wrong with that! Just ignore those people. I wish I could see my parents that much.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    Guys especially tend to try to distance themselves from their family at uni.

    It's cool that you're not like that
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    As long as both you and your mother are comfortable, keep the visits coming, who cares what others think? Probably jealous they don't have such a bond ...
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    I wonder if there's some genuine concern in the rest of the family that between you making a long journey back to NI once a month, the amount of time your mother has stayed with you, and you being in a studio flat rather than sharing, that you may not be making new connections, not really investing in your new life...

    It may be entirely misplaced... you may continue with your life, with your Mum doing her own thing (as you say she's there having a break) or being the kind of Mum who fits in with a group of students, and you being independent (ie she's not spending her time stocking your fridge and freezer with her cooking, cleaning and doing your laundry)

    It could be that the reason there are family digs and the reason that she's visited for pretty much a quarter of your time at uni so far, is that relationships back home are not great... whether that's just people at home being jealous of you getting what they expect available all the time from her, or that your departure has revealed a few uncomfortable holes or you were a buffer stopping conflict. Or perhaps she's not telling you that at home she's sobbing herself to sleep every night because she misses you... and people who do know this feel that your current system may not really be helping her move forward with the new reality.

    Two months, living alone (but like company), two long journeys home, your Mum visiting for a week at a time on two occasions... It may well be all fine and dandy... but it may not.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Peer Support Volunteers
    You're Northern Irish, you do know it's like normal for everyone to stick their noses into everyone's business, right?

    Or is that just my family?

    Anyway, this thread is a year old nearly now. You're in second year now, I assume?
 
 
 
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.