English Lit As - First half term is over and would like some feedback on if i have ma

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10101gg
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First half term is over and would like some feedback on if i have made the step up from gcse to As judging by a sample paragraph below, i would appreciate pointers. Thanks.Image

Examine the view present by Emily Bronte that marriage has little to do with love.
Catherine is presented to be marrying Mr Edgar for social status. “And he will be rich, and I shall like to be the greatest woman of the neighborhood, and I shall be proud of having such a husband.” Here Emily Bronte is explicitly showing Catherine to be referring to herself and Mr Edgar as individuals “And he will be rich”, rather than referring to themselves as collectives even though due to their marriage they will become one and Mr Edgar’s riches will also be hers. However Catherine referring to herself and Mr Edgar individually suggests Catherine doesn’t see their marriage as a coming together as one but rather a financial and social gain. Furthermore Catherine is speaking infinitely throughout “…he will be rich…I shall like to be… I shall be”. Along with referring to herself and Mr Edgar individually, her language used is definite implying she is sure of these results when marrying Mr Edgar. This could be interpreted as due to Mr Edgar being of a higher status he promises her a better life so she will be sure of the benefits that follows their marriage making her happy, however this could also be seen as Catherine trying to persuade herself that marrying Mr Edgar will give her this happiness,rather than marrying for love, persuading herself that status and wealth will ensure her more happiness then love. Presenting that marriage has little to do with love due to Catherine’s choices of marrying Mr Edgar for those reasons.Catherine’s decision to marry for wealth and status were typical of the time, the divisions of the classes were very distinct, although any woman of any class were second to men, there were differences in the daily life, family life and working life. The worst in position were the working class women. Working class women were deprived of education and respected jobs. So women married the highest class man their division could to ensure quality of life. Which is also shown in Tess of the D’Urbervilles written not long after Wuthering Heights in 1891, Tess’s mum hopes for Tess to marry into wealth to help her family, rather than marry for love, emphasizing these reasons were common for the time period. Even Emily Bronte herself when she published her books used a male pen name Ellis Bell to hide her identity due to gender bias. Wuthering heights was written in 1847 during the realist movement in literacy that came to England in the early 1800s, Wuthering Heights up holds these themes due to Catherine marrying for wealth and status rather than love,as during this period of time in history this was the normal purpose of marriage, to better the woman’s life which is reflected in an Atlas publication of an anonymous critic on the 22 January 1848 who commented, “The reality of unreality has never been so aptly illustrated as in the scenes of almost savage life which Ellis Bell has brought so vividly before us” emphasizing the realism. This point is further emphasized by Nelly’s comment, “You love Mr. Edgar because he is handsome, and young, and cheerful, and rich, and loves you. The last, however, goes for nothing: you would love him without that, probably; and you with it you wouldn’t, unless he possessed the four former attractions.” Nelly's repetitive listing using “and” emphasizes the multiple redeeming qualities Mr.Edgar has, reflecting how he is the best choice for Catherine. Nelly leaving the last point that Mr. Edgar loves her “…and loves you” which would be thoughtto be the most important factor is last of on her list of good qualities thatMr. Edgar possesses, this could be interpreted as Nelly suggesting this is the least important quality that Catherine looks for, further shown when Nelly says she wouldn’t love him with “the four former attractions”. Further implying that Catherine’s marriage is based not on love. Therefore Emily Bronte presents that marriage has little to do with love.
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crashMATHS
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(Original post by 10101gg)
First half term is over and would like some feedback on if i have made the step up from gcse to As judging by a sample paragraph below, i would appreciate pointers. Thanks.Image

Examine the view present by Emily Bronte that marriage has little to do with love.


Catherine is presented to be marrying Mr Edgar for social status*By who? Have the author in mind: Bronte presents.... “And he will be rich, and I shall like to be the greatest woman of the neighborhood, and I shall be proud of having such a husband.” *Really should have this quote embedded. The fluency of your writing and the style of it is an AOHere Emily Bronte is explicitly showing Catherine to be referring to herself and Mr Edgar as individuals “And he will be rich”, rather than referring to themselves as collectives even though due to their marriage they will become one and Mr Edgar’s riches will also be hers*Why? How? Express this better. Your quote needs to be embedded more stylistically. . However Catherine referring to herself and Mr Edgar individually suggests Catherine doesn’t see their marriage as a coming together as one but rather a financial and social gain*Better - but now you need to consider the agenda of Bronte. Why she has done this? Remember, these characters are not real people and nowhere should you imply that they are - they are tools used by the writer to convey a message.. Furthermore Catherine is speaking infinitely throughout “…he will be rich…I shall like to be… I shall be”. Along with referring to herself and Mr Edgar individually, her language used is definite implying she is sure of these results when marrying Mr Edgar*How though? There is no explanation or analysis. . This could be interpreted as due to Mr Edgar being of a higher status he promises her a better life so she will be sure of the benefits that follows their marriage making her happy, however this could also be seen as Catherine trying to persuade herself that marrying Mr Edgar will give her this happiness,rather than marrying for love, persuading herself that status and wealth will ensure her more happiness then love*Bit long winded this explanation. Reduce it. Create concise interpretations that are supported by layers of analysis of language, structure and form. Presenting that marriage has little to do with love due to Catherine’s choices of marrying Mr Edgar for those reasonsI'm confused.. Catherine’s decision to marry for wealth and status were typical of the time, the divisions of the classes were very distinct, although any woman of any class were second to men, there were differences in the daily life, family life and working life. The worst in position were the working class women. Working class women were deprived of education and respected jobs. So women married the highest class man their division could to ensure quality of life. Which is also shown in Tess of the D’Urbervilles written not long after Wuthering Heights in 1891, Tess’s mum hopes for Tess to marry into wealth to help her family, rather than marry for love, emphasizing these reasons were common for the time period*No, no, no! This is not how you should use context. Here, all you're doing is writing a historiographical chunk that has no link to your point. Context should be used to support your points concisely, not to make your points - and certainly not in bulk. . Even Emily Bronte herself when she published her books used a male pen name Ellis Bell to hide her identity due to gender bias. Wuthering heights*gr was written in 1847 during the realist movement in literacy that came to England in the early 1800s, Wuthering Heights up holds these themes due to Catherine marrying for wealth and status rather than love,as during this period of time in history this was the normal purpose of marriage, to better the woman’s life which is reflected in an Atlas publication of an anonymous critic on the 22 January 1848 who commented, “The reality of unreality has never been so aptly illustrated as in the scenes of almost savage life which Ellis Bell has brought so vividly before us” emphasizing the realism*Again, what is the relevance of this? You really need a sharp focus on your task. You can't just use critical quotes for the sake of it and expect to be credited. They need to be relevant to marriage and, like with context, support your points - not make them. You need a bit more of a personal voice. . This point is further emphasized by Nelly’s comment, “You love Mr. Edgar because he is handsome, and young, and cheerful, and rich, and loves you. The last, however, goes for nothing: you would love him without that, probably; and you with it you wouldn’t, unless he possessed the four former attractions.” Nelly's repetitive listing using “and” emphasizes the multiple redeeming qualities Mr.Edgar has, reflecting how he is the best choice for Catherine*Ok, but how do you know they're negative? What are the particular connotations that tantamount to that idea?. Nelly leaving the last point that Mr. Edgar loves her “…and loves you” which would be thoughtto be the most important factor is last of on her list of good qualities thatMr. Edgar possesses, this could be interpreted as Nelly suggesting this is the least important quality that Catherine looks for, further shown when Nelly says she wouldn’t love him with “the four former attractions”. Further implying that Catherine’s marriage is based not on love. Therefore Emily Bronte presents that marriage has little to do with love.
Quite a long paragraph to make one mere point. You need to have structure to your paragraphs and purpose to every statement you make. Context and critics cannot just be added on 'for the sake of it', but they need to have an overarching relation to the question.

You need more analysis. At the moment, you're using a very basic GCSE structure of point, evidence and explanation, which is not going to get you very high up the bands in AS. Your quotes should be embedded stylistically and the quality of your writing needs to be sophisticated and fluent. There are times when I just can't make out what your intended meaning is. Try looking a quotation and thinking about what it tells you - and why it tells you this. How has Bronte presented marriage in a particular light; don't just describe the light and the events that concur to it - it's all about the how and the why.

Evaluation is also a skill that this piece lacks. The question asks you to 'examine', which means you've got to weigh up different arguments and ideas - and, ultimately, evaluate them.

Another thing is, throughout, I don't really see what you ultimately think. Of course, it would not be apt to use personal pronouns in your essay, but you should try to convey your ideas explicitly. It feels as if you're just dancing over quotes without really engaging with the task or the text.

Hopefully this helps
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