Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hello all, I was wondering if any of you could help me.

    I am currently dating a guy whom is amazing in every way, he buys me stuff, appreciates me and asks how my day is. The only problem is that I don't think I feel the same way as him anymore.

    We have been dating almost two months and he met me over Facebook, turned out he was going to the same university as me and I really liked his personality.

    My problem is that I had broken up with my ex a year earlier and I wasn't ready for a relationship but thought I should give him a chance. He had broken up around the same time too, and it was clear that he was alone and I had felt like it was the least I could do.

    I feel like a horrible person, he always kisses me, tells me loves me and makes me say it back to him even though I don't know if I do. Sometimes he makes me stay with him until he sleeps and I cry at night because I feel so guilty.

    One night he took me out for a date and told me that I should eat salad as "I've had enough" and repeated it until we argued about it later and there have been other instances where he hinted I should change, but he always buys me things to make up for it, to show he loves me.

    Personally, I care about him. And I don't want to hurt him, because I can tell it would kill him if I left, but there are times I think of other guys, think of my ex. I never have felt so trapped and so conflicted of my feelings.

    If someone could please give me advice I would be grateful.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    You don't owe anyone anything and you are not responsible for someone else's happiness. If it's not right it's not right.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If you feel as though the relationship isn't going to progress, you should end it, especially if you don't even know if you like him anymore.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    If you don't feel the same way about him you should break up, it isn't fair. Plus the fact that he's trying to change you, telling you what you should eat etc, and then buying you things to make up for it is a red flag. If somebody I'd only been dating for two months told me what to eat or tried to hint that I should change, he'd be out the door
    • TSR Support Team
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello all, I was wondering if any of you could help me.

    I am currently dating a guy whom is amazing in every way, he buys me stuff, appreciates me and asks how my day is. The only problem is that I don't think I feel the same way as him anymore.

    We have been dating almost two months and he met me over Facebook, turned out he was going to the same university as me and I really liked his personality.

    My problem is that I had broken up with my ex a year earlier and I wasn't ready for a relationship but thought I should give him a chance. He had broken up around the same time too, and it was clear that he was alone and I had felt like it was the least I could do.

    I feel like a horrible person, he always kisses me, tells me loves me and makes me say it back to him even though I don't know if I do. Sometimes he makes me stay with him until he sleeps and I cry at night because I feel so guilty.

    One night he took me out for a date and told me that I should eat salad as "I've had enough" and repeated it until we argued about it later and there have been other instances where he hinted I should change, but he always buys me things to make up for it, to show he loves me.

    Personally, I care about him. And I don't want to hurt him, because I can tell it would kill him if I left, but there are times I think of other guys, think of my ex. I never have felt so trapped and so conflicted of my feelings.

    If someone could please give me advice I would be grateful.
    Hindsight is a wonderful thing but perhaps you should have said you weren't ready. Probably best if you are honest and tell him that you don't want a relationship otherwise in the long run he will be more hurt if you let this continue like this.
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    If you feel trapped in the relationship then you should try to find a way out, as you're supposed to feel 100% comfortable with him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    If you don't feel the same way about him you should break up, it isn't fair. Plus the fact that he's trying to change you, telling you what you should eat etc, and then buying you things to make up for it is a red flag. If somebody I'd only been dating for two months told me what to eat or tried to hint that I should change, he'd be out the door
    thank you, I should dump him, i just don't want to make things awkward now :/
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello all, I was wondering if any of you could help me.

    I am currently dating a guy whom is amazing in every way, he buys me stuff, appreciates me and asks how my day is. The only problem is that I don't think I feel the same way as him anymore.

    We have been dating almost two months and he met me over Facebook, turned out he was going to the same university as me and I really liked his personality.

    My problem is that I had broken up with my ex a year earlier and I wasn't ready for a relationship but thought I should give him a chance. He had broken up around the same time too, and it was clear that he was alone and I had felt like it was the least I could do.

    I feel like a horrible person, he always kisses me, tells me loves me and makes me say it back to him even though I don't know if I do. Sometimes he makes me stay with him until he sleeps and I cry at night because I feel so guilty.

    One night he took me out for a date and told me that I should eat salad as "I've had enough" and repeated it until we argued about it later and there have been other instances where he hinted I should change, but he always buys me things to make up for it, to show he loves me.

    Personally, I care about him. And I don't want to hurt him, because I can tell it would kill him if I left, but there are times I think of other guys, think of my ex. I never have felt so trapped and so conflicted of my feelings.

    If someone could please give me advice I would be grateful.
    I can always help.

    What stuff does he buy you? It seems to me that he isn't in a healthy place. He is putting on to you the feelings he had for his ex, they trying to change you to be more like her. He tells you he loves and buy's you stuff to force himself to believe it. He doesn't want to be alone, he fears it. So he it doing all this to cover up how he is really feeling inside. I think you should talk to him about how you are feeling, then see what he says and the break up with him. You have both moved into another relationship to quickly.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Just break up with him.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by william walker)
    I can always help.

    What stuff does he buy you? It seems to me that he isn't in a healthy place. He is putting on to you the feelings he had for his ex, they trying to change you to be more like her. He tells you he loves and buy's you stuff to force himself to believe it. He doesn't want to be alone, he fears it. So he it doing all this to cover up how he is really feeling inside. I think you should talk to him about how you are feeling, then see what he says and the break up with him. You have both moved into another relationship to quickly.
    he buys me teddy bears, huge plush animal toys and pays for dinner dates and so on. I do agree with what you have to say, and I can tell that he is pushing something to work and deep down a part of me wants it to work, as I have been hurt as well. I have spoken to him about it, yesterday in fact. but he always tells me he isn't in love with her anymore, that he loves me.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    You do seem to be in a bit of a dilemma. Weigh it up and come to a decision. If it's not going to work it is probably best to end it sooner rather than later, being as kind as possible.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Oh god this is cringe. Doing stuff out of guilt is the worst thing you can do. He needs to know the truth. Definitely a case of cruel to be kind.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he buys me teddy bears, huge plush animal toys and pays for dinner dates and so on. I do agree with what you have to say, and I can tell that he is pushing something to work and deep down a part of me wants it to work, as I have been hurt as well. I have spoken to him about it, yesterday in fact. but he always tells me he isn't in love with her anymore, that he loves me.
    It isn't that he is still in love with her. It is that she hurt him, leave a avoid which he is filling with you. You are doing the same with him. Just you have been trying to come to terms with it and accept how you feel. Whereas he is trying to bury it in the feelings he has for you.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you, I should dump him, i just don't want to make things awkward now :/
    It would be more awkward if you kept seeing him; you can't do this forever and it will hurt him more the longer you carry it on, because he will continue to get more attached. Best to do it face to face and keep it short and simple. Feel free to PM me if you would like
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    It would be more awkward if you kept seeing him; you can't do this forever and it will hurt him more the longer you carry it on, because he will continue to get more attached. Best to do it face to face and keep it short and simple. Feel free to PM me if you would like
    thank you, you're right I should tell him honestly how I feel and thanks for the offer, I might message you later on if I can

    (Original post by william walker)
    It isn't that he is still in love with her. It is that she hurt him, leave a avoid which he is filling with you. You are doing the same with him. Just you have been trying to come to terms with it and accept how you feel. Whereas he is trying to bury it in the feelings he has for you.
    Thanks, I think that is summarising how I feel now. I wouldn't mind being his friend as I have friendship groups including him, I just don't want to be with him that way.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    It would be more awkward if you kept seeing him; you can't do this forever and it will hurt him more the longer you carry it on, because he will continue to get more attached. Best to do it face to face and keep it short and simple. Feel free to PM me if you would like
    I agree. This is cruel, it's a mind**** for a guy. She needs to be brutally honest. And apologise for not doing it sooner.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you, you're right I should tell him honestly how I feel and thanks for the offer, I might message you later on if I can



    Thanks, I think that is summarising how I feel now. I wouldn't mind being his friend as I have friendship groups including him, I just don't want to be with him that way.
    It'll be better for him that way and as you've said here, you can continue to be friends as long as it's okay with him too. You're welcome, you're more than welcome to message me whenever you need
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SaucissonSecCy)
    I agree. This is cruel, it's a mind**** for a guy. She needs to be brutally honest. And apologise for not doing it sooner.
    I will do, I am too much of a coward which is why I never did it earlier, as well as coming to terms with how I feel.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I dont like the sound of him putting pressure on you to change. If you're in a relationship with somebody, they should accept you for who you are.

    I know what it feels like to be trapped, i can wholly relate to this. Even though you're aware it will hurt him, it is equally bad to tell him you love him if you don't. He deserves the truth and you deserve freedom from a partnership that is leaving you feeling isolated like this.

    I think you should consider leaving.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Honesty is the way forward.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 12, 2015
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.