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No one likes me

Im not joking Im just small and quiet and people don't see much reason to talk to me. :confused:

I go to places but never make any real friends just aquaintances and if there is 3 or 4 of us together im always tagging behind while they talk in front. I do say things but they just answer really politely as though they don't know me. I have been called weird so maybe its this. I have anxiety (but so do lots of people by the looks of it on here here) and don't do any paid work I sometimes lie that I have a job when I don't cause im ashamed. If I get a job though I might be really scared one day and I don't want to let people down. My parents say that mentally ill people can't hold jobs down but with me its just because im a coward and can only handle voluntary work, though im scared of going mental.

Anyway even unemployed people can be good at making friends but no one my age is interested in me even though im 20. People as old as my parents speak to me and I can get on well with but how come?? :confused:

Reply 1

username47781

20

Well why don't you try and look for a job maybe? Don't mean to sound harsh but you are just sitting around doing nothing, then it will become an issue. Even if it's only a temporary summer job.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

It's my life

Well why don't you try and look for a job maybe? Don't mean to sound harsh but you are just sitting around doing nothing, then it will become an issue. Even if it's only a temporary summer job.

because I'l probably end up quiting or letting employers down, when im older and have got over this anxiety thing then I will but for now Im better helping on a ward where there is no commitment. im at college 2 days a week though thats nothing since im sat around doing nothing that Ive not done before there.

Reply 3

username47781

20

Well if you go with that kind of attitude then you will end up letting people down, think positive.

Reply 4

goodmen

13

sounds like a post the other day. Get a job, dont worry if you let employees down a whole lot of people do that at your age

Reply 5

alio~

9

goodmen

sounds like a post the other day. Get a job, dont worry if you let employees down a whole lot of people do that at your age

They do?

I think you should start with just a saturday job just to build some confidence, then try for a part time job. I know its easier said than done, the fact that you are doing voluntary work shows you are capable!!

Reply 6

CJ

TSR Group Staff

21

You'd be letting yourself down if you did nothing...

It takes different people varied lengths of time to get used to their surroundings and those around them...

If it is seriously affecting your life you should really think about professional advice and guidance.

Reply 7

General Mullet

Now there's a post that hits home. People really don't know how to deal with quiet people. Many assume they are arrogant, boring or both when in reality this isn't the case - they just take longer to warm to others.

Just so you know: you're not a coward and you aren't going nuts. The whole job thing can be really difficult for anxiety sufferers. Good luck with everything.

Reply 8

SsEe

13

Wow. Same here. I always think that I wouldn't be good enough. Or I wouldn't be able to deal with the responsibility. I guess you just need to start off small. Something most people have already done by the time they're 20.

And I'm always tagging behind when walking in a group. Do you feel like if you stopped walking nobody would notice until they were maybe 100 metres ahead?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

General Mullet

Now there's a post that hits home. People really don't know how to deal with quiet people. Many assume they are arrogant, boring or both when in reality this isn't the case - they just take longer to warm to others.

Just so you know: you're not a coward and you aren't going nuts. The whole job thing can be really difficult for anxiety sufferers. Good luck with everything.

well Ive known these people for 6 years lol, its got to be my personality or something else.

Reply 10

BibbleJW

12

You say that you have a fear of letting people down. I am the same, and I think it is probably the best thing taht I have as far as my job goes. I don't want to let them down, so I try very hard not to. Which makes me a good employee, and so I get all the good shifts.
Don't say you don't want to let people down like it is a bad thing. Go and get a job, the worst thing that can happen is that you are asked to leave (which considering the people I have seen actually stay in a job seems incredibly likely).
Now, I have a strange feeling that this is going to turn into one of my long, life-story type posts, so feel free to let your mind wander. I first got a job in year 10, and that was because they were looking for my sister (waitress) and wanted either a waitress, or a potwasher, so, not wanting them to be let down, I went along and helped them out. Cut a long story short, I have worked there just over 3 and a half years, as an offshoot of that I performed in a few local pantos, which improved my public speaking and general confidence. And of course, it gives you something to talk about. It is so much easier to join in conversations when you have the experience and can add valuable things to it.

Ok, life-story bit over. Anyway, I hope that was helpful to you.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

well Ive known these people for 6 years lol, its got to be my personality or something else.

Happens to me with my close friends. I have days where I'm basically watching them walk infront of me having a good time while I'm being forgotten.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

BibbleJW

You say that you have a fear of letting people down. I am the same, and I think it is probably the best thing taht I have as far as my job goes. I don't want to let them down, so I try very hard not to. Which makes me a good employee, and so I get all the good shifts.
Don't say you don't want to let people down like it is a bad thing. Go and get a job, the worst thing that can happen is that you are asked to leave (which considering the people I have seen actually stay in a job seems incredibly likely).
Now, I have a strange feeling that this is going to turn into one of my long, life-story type posts, so feel free to let your mind wander. I first got a job in year 10, and that was because they were looking for my sister (waitress) and wanted either a waitress, or a potwasher, so, not wanting them to be let down, I went along and helped them out. Cut a long story short, I have worked there just over 3 and a half years, as an offshoot of that I performed in a few local pantos, which improved my public speaking and general confidence. And of course, it gives you something to talk about. It is so much easier to join in conversations when you have the experience and can add valuable things to it.

Ok, life-story bit over. Anyway, I hope that was helpful to you.

Yea it was thanks, your right a fear of not letting people down is good I suppose, its just if I got a job and was sacked or left I would feel so much worse than I do now.

Reply 13

Thud

17

who cares ifyou get sacked? just laugh and find another job.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

SsEe

Wow. Same here. I always think that I wouldn't be good enough. Or I wouldn't be able to deal with the responsibility. I guess you just need to start off small. Something most people have already done by the time they're 20.

And I'm always tagging behind when walking in a group. Do you feel like if you stopped walking nobody would notice until they were maybe 100 metres ahead?

Yes, in fact I have stopped walking to tie my shoes and they were about 70m ahead lol! Most people have confidence and skills at 18 but im like a 14 year old really thats why I thought maybe there was something wrong.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Thud

who cares ifyou get sacked? just laugh and find another job.

I was sacked at 16 from a weekend job for not making sandwiches right and my mum called me a loser lol, the company closed down months later so I tried not to blame myself too much. Your right though.

Reply 16

abc101

17

Aww, I know how you feel, it sucks...like people will talk to you if you're there and trying to make conversation but if you're not the one trying they won't be bothered, only speak to you coz they have to reply...maybe try and just force yourself into their convos more, text/MSN/myspace/facebook people or whatever so that you can get them to see you as more of a friend than an acquaintance, suggest doing stuff.

Reply 17

Allthewayhome

10

I like you.

Need a chat then just send me a mssg

Reply 18

Thud

17

Anonymous

I was sacked at 16 from a weekend job for not making sandwiches right and my mum called me a loser lol, the company closed down months later so I tried not to blame myself too much. Your right though.

of course i'm right, and why do you give a damn if the company closed?

secondly, find some new friends. I know that walking behind the group feeling when i was younger and it's not nice. these people won't change you know, they will continue to treat you this way right up until you go to uni. my advice, don't sit and wait for them to change, it's not you at fault, so go find some new people who don't treat you like that. :smile:

Reply 19

Moriarty Man

Anonymous

I go to places but never make any real friends just aquaintances and if there is 3 or 4 of us together im always tagging behind while they talk in front. I do say things but they just answer really politely as though they don't know me. I have been called weird so maybe its this.

You're probably not saying anything interesting, then. This sounds harsh, but it's probably true. Don't be afraid to disagree with what your friends are saying, don't be afraid to go against the grain and be different. The way to get noticed is to say what you think, with CONVICTION. Don't shy away, don't quietly mumble - make yourself heard. If you're worried about what they'll think, just remember - if you say nothing, then nothing is going to change and you'll feel like crap anyway, whereas if you speak up, no matter what the outcome you'll feel much better for having the balls to do it.

Next time you're with them, say something controversial and see what happens. As long as you're not overly serious and they see you're joking/playful, you'll get them interested -- even if it's something ridiculous.

Finally, don't worry so much about what other people think. It's about you, not them. Don't change what you think/do to impress others. Not only are you being false, but you come across as needy. If you're not happy with who you are, change yourself for the better! Gym, diet, job, new clothes, hairstyle, fashion, exercise, sports, new hobbies, music - improve your appearance, and find something to be passionate about. And go after it - with CONVICTION!

I know becoming socially adept takes time, but don't get disheartened if things don't seem to be working (especially at the beginning). People aren't born with great social skills (and I used to be social train wreck) - social skills are learned. It's all experience, and the more positive experience you have, the better you become. If you're determined, you'll overcome it. The way I see it, no matter what persona you put out to the world, there's always someone who's going to dislike you. So forget them, and go out and make your life fun.

No one likes me

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